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Thinking about coming out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by spikerdude, Jul 20, 2011.

  1. spikerdude

    Regular Member

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    I few months ago, I realized that I could be bi. This caused me to do a lot of thinking back on my past and present, make lists trying to explain things and counter explain them before I finally realized I was.

    However, I'm not sure if I should come out. I know other people have said that other peoples opinions don't matter, but I'm not exactly Mr. Popular, and a lot(actually all really) of my close friendships with guys involve "joking" flirting, so that might be awkward.

    Another obstacle is that I had this revelation while in a loving and committed relationship with my girlfriend of about 11 months. So what's the point in telling people if I have no plans to act on it and it could only cause problems?
     
  2. Bibliophile

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    Ok coming out isn't something you HAVE to do. Nor is it something you NEED to do unless you feel that it is. In my opinion its only fair to talk about it with your girlfriend but that is MY opinion only and it may not be right for you. ( Ok that sounds like a bad medical commercial. "If you feel Bibliophile's opinion may be right for you please talk to your doctor today.....")

    Now what I suggest is that you read two books that have really helped me. "A Bisexual's guide to the Universe" and "Bi any other name". Both might help you better come to terms with this. If you do choose to tell your girlfriend just do so in a loving manner and explain that this does not mean you want to leave her for a guy. If you decide to come out further well there is a ton of advice on that all around EC. If you have further questions on bisexuality please post them and I will do my best to answer. I hope you find a little more peace with this soon.
     
  3. spikerdude

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    Eh, I just don't want to feel like I'm lying to people, and then later on if I do decide to tell people, I think it would be harder to deal with, you know?

    Thanks for the book recommendations, I'll look in to them.
     
  4. Bibliophile

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    That is understandable but remember you have to be comfortable with it yourself before you are really in the position to talk to others about it. So my advice then is that you do some reading, get right with yourself. Then decide who and how you want to start telling.
     
  5. silentsound

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    Here's the thing about coming out: you have complete control.

    I can tell you that it's a really empowering (and potentially incredibly positive) experience, even if you get one or two lukewarm/ negative reactions. Just don't feel like you HAVE to do it until you're ready. I hate to be cliche, but when you're ready you'll know. Take some time for yourself. Figure things out and get comfortable before you worry about coming out. It's a process and you don't have to rush it.

    Please don't think I'm trying to deter you from coming out, I'm just saying that you shouldn't feel like you have to tell people now that you've figured it out yourself. Tell people when you feel ready, and only you can be the judge of when that is.
     
  6. feelindown

    feelindown Guest

    if you are not going to act on it, why tell people. its pointless. even if you act on it, its noone's business unless you want to tell them.
     
  7. zzzero

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    Ok, well I came out as gay and I still jokinly flirt with my male friends. Just because you're into guys doesn't mean you can't still joke flirt with them. Your girlfriend should know this about you if she really cares about you. You're saying you're bi, not gay, so it's fine to have a girlfriend. Just keep it between you and a few people if you feel ready to tell someone and then if it feels like it's okay for everyone to know, then tell them!

    You'll feel better after you do! You get a nice big boost of confidence and the realization that you are now allowed to be yourself around people!