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Negative list

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Ty, Nov 20, 2007.

  1. Ty

    Ty Guest

    weird
    slightly effemitive/not masquline enough
    doesn't speak emotions IRL
    liar
    nose points up slightly
    no muscle shown on belly area
    feels sorry for himself
    part of me wants to act gayish but i know i shouldn't
    skips breakfast cause he thinks it'll make him fat yet he eats sweats
    hypocritical
    uncouragous
    doesn't feel that anyone likes him
    horrible hair

    theres more but i cba to type it

    i thought if i listed all the negatives i could get them out? maybe find a positive or two...
     
  2. Steam Giant

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    Personally, I've never believed in this form of treatment. You see it used a lot by therapists and in the psych ward of the hospital, but I don't think it works. Listing my negative qualities or negative things in my life has only ever made me more depressed, and when it came time to list positives, I just stare at a blank sheet of paper. By now, I've come to accept that I do have positive qualities (though I myself can't see them), but when you're depressed you just don't think in terms of positives.

    This list, however, does tell me that you're a little more than mildly depressed. Deeper depression tends to have the hallmark of viewing practically everything as a negative. For example, as a personal preference, I prefer effeminate guys, which you're viewing in a negative light. Another example might be, when somebody points out something positive, you say "yeah, but..."

    My advice is the same as I've given you before. Do your parents know that you're depressed? If so, they should look into finding you a therapist.

    Edit: Just a thought, but therapists aren't allowed to disclose with anyone what they discuss with you, unless it's illegal. So you could talk with a therapist about problems you may have about being gay that are tied to your depression, without having to come out to anybody (except the therapist, but I've found that this is VERY easy to do!)
     
    #2 Steam Giant, Nov 20, 2007
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2007
  3. Ty

    Ty Guest

    Im not so sure i should see a therapist.... it isn't stopping me from functioning properly in life... im doing well in school and am maintaining a social life. I just thought that i might aswell try something to make it a bit easier. I don't see myself as needing therapy.
     
  4. Paul_UK

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    OK, let's go through the list.....

    That makes you different, individual and unique. Nothing wrong there.

    So what. You are you, don't try to be anyone else. Anyway you're still young and do not have a fully adult body yet.

    That's a good thing in my opinion. You can express yourself with proper English instead of symbols.

    Everyone does occasionally. Being in the closet means you will be lying about that, and until yo are ready to come out that will be something you'll lie about.

    I looked at your profile and gallery pics and your nose looks fine to me.

    You're only 14 and your body is still part child and part adult. Give yourself a couple of years. It could be worse - you could have excess fat around the belly area....

    With the general negative tone of the post and some of the things you raised I can see that. This is one thing you do need to address.

    Why shouldn't you? If it's how you are naturally then that's how you should act. In fact "act" is not a good word as it implies that it's false. Be yourself and be natural, however that is.

    Of course while you are still in the closet I can understand that you may want to act straight. But it is an act, it is fake and it is not the real you.

    Well that depends what breakfast is. If it's a big fry-up then the sweets are probably better. If it's a bowl of cerial and some toast then that's good.

    If you have a big meal for breakfast you'll use the energy during the day so it won't cause as much weight-gain as the same big meal in the evening when you then do nothing physical to work it off before going to bed.

    If you want nibbles during the day, what about fruit? Bananas are easy to peel and eat.

    Again that's probably because you aren't out yet.

    Cautious, safe, sensible. Nothing wrong there.

    Well I don't know how many people in "real life" like you, but plenty of people here do.

    Your hair in the photos looks fine to me. :thumbsup:
     
  5. InaRut

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    You can't post a negative list and not give us a positive! And knowing you through this forum I'm sure you can DOUBLE list items compared to negative list items. Let me start the list
    1: Great list maker (lol)
     
  6. ebra

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    I would have to agree that this isnt the best form of therepy, unless you are going to do what paul so kindly did for you. just admitting to what you veiw as your faults are only going to make you dwell on them further, what you need to do, is focus on the list and talk yourself down from each thing. Realize that you need to make YOU happy! you are far too concerned with what everyone else will think and I am sure that if you would just come to grips with who you are then you could learn how to love yourself for real and out loud in real life. maybe it is time for you to come out and just open the can of who you are, because you are not happy like this, and you cant learn to be if you are always denying your instincts. there are many people who want to help you and want to be close and that you are pushing away. just relax and act on instinct and how you want to be. you are the most important person in your life, no matter what.
     
  7. Louise

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    I'm going to pick up on what Inarut said ;
    From your posts this is what I (and probably everyone here) sees :

    You are

    Sensitive... in my opinion this is good
    Caring... you don't want to upset your parents
    Intelligent... you get good grades
    Popular with your friends... otherwise you wouldn't have any
    Articulate... your posts are clear, precise with good use of vocabulary
    Open...you have embraced your homosexulality instead of going into denial

    Now to pick up on what Paul said ;
    Liar... everyone who has ever walked this earth has lied at times in their lives, you are going through a particularly difficult period in your life, of course you lie, this does NOT make you a bad person.

    Feels sorry for himself... again don't we all sometimes. The thing is to recognise self pity for what it is, wallow in it for a while if you want to but drag your sorry a** out of there as soon as you have realised what you are doing.

    Hypocritical...gosh if we were all open and honest about EVERYTHING there would be an awful lot of hurt feelings out there. As long as you are true to yourself and those you really care for things will sort themselves out in time when you have come out and can be more honest. This is a tempory thing because of your homosexuality.

    Uncouragious... I'm with Paul on that one, nothing wrong with a bit of caution, it can avoid an awful lot of upset in the long run.

    As for your physical aspects I think you look very nice. I know, I know that's the mum in me speaking but I do. You look lovely. Most of us in this world are not entirely happy with our bodies, faces, hair, etc. and when you are feeling low these physical 'flaws' seem exagerated but from your photos you have a nice open, intelligent face, nice hair... not all wispy and thin flying all over the place. In the photo of you sitting down you look like the strong sexy silent type.

    Your skipping breakfast is pushing you into eating sweets because you body needs energy after a whole night of eating. Look at the word breakfast you are meant to be breaking your fast of the night! Your body needs an input of calories if you don't eat some cereal and toast then sooner or later you are going to crack for the sweets. Like Paul said eat a good breakfast in the morning and this will set you up for the day.
     
  8. Tom

    Tom Guest

    Ty everyone can make a list like this but the ones uve put down im gona have 2 disagree with afew and just write sum off as things tht dont bother anyone, in the slightest so:

    weird- well so is everyone in a way.

    slightly effemitive/not masquline enough - *crosses this off* theres no need to act really uberly masculin.

    doesn't speak emotions IRL - very few people do, and then it is only to the ppl they trust more than anything or ppl they pay to listen.

    liar - ppl lie when they feel insecure, this should go away once you start to get a handle on all those lil problems tht everyone has and everyone lies at some point.

    nose points up slightly - *crosses off list* no1 has aperfect face so it shudnt bother you, i didnt notice it anyways when i met you so cudnt be tht bad.

    no muscle shown on belly area - youre still young and still developing.

    feels sorry for himself - talk about what you feel sorry about with sum1, see if tlkin helps you clear afew things up usually and u get a different perspective on the lil problems.

    part of me wants to act gayish but i know i shouldn't - if you act gayish then so what? there are many str8 ppl tht act camp/gay.

    skips breakfast cause he thinks it'll make him fat yet he eats sweats - now this, u really shud look up on diets and the bodies reponse as this wont make you lose weight at all but actually make you put on some weight.

    hypocritical - everyone is to a certain extent.

    uncouragous - so meeting up with me for the first time didnt take courage??

    doesn't feel that anyone likes him - wel i dont know about everyone else but theres atleast one guy tht likes you.

    horrible hair - WTF ur hair isn't horrible, i really wanted to play with it some more when we met up but didnt want to mess it up so ur parents didnt asked questions so i didnt.
     
  9. Jim1454

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    At least you HAVE hair!!! :tears:

    Seriously... don't dwell on what you perceive as the negative! Nobody is perfect, and we all have things about ourselves that we'd like to fix! But at the same time, if you're doing well in school, have local friends and here online, then you're doing fairly well!

    Accept the things you can not change, and change the things you can if they're bugging you. Good luck.
     
  10. Ty

    Ty Guest

    Urhm thanks everyone
     
  11. SkyTears

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    Okay this is something that bugs me about most people. If you don't eat breakfast your chance of getting bigger is increased. (Something I learned when in health). Your body will feel like it is starved and start to store fat because it doesn't know when the next meal will be.
     
  12. Ty

    Ty Guest


    Must try to eat breakfast more.....although nowadays i don't even feel like it when i wake up =/
     
  13. Paul_UK

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    Try to eat something - a bowl of cereal or a couple of slices of toast perhaps? I generally couldn't eat a big fry-up first thing in the morning (that's better as a late breakfast or brunch), but I normally have cereal or toast. If I don't I find I am hungry by mid-morning and looking for something to nibble.

    Or if you really can't eat breakfast then take some fruit or something to eat in the first break at school.
     
  14. Psychedelic Bookmarks

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    i agree with paul... lots of those things are really not that bad. lots of people's lists would be way waaay worse. for example, i regard effeminacy/lack of masculinity as neither a good nor a bad thing. u are u, it doesn't matter what gender. in fact, i think it's a good thing to be in touch with both sides of the gender roles... so go u for being effeminate! i think effeminate men are great!!! :grin: (seriously!) and the same with the "acting gay" thing. if u feel that is u, just do it. who cares whether others think u should? if they truly care for u they will only want u to be urself. :slight_smile:
     
  15. CrimsonThunder

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    Then dont eat too much the night before. :wink: