Hey, this is my first post on here so I don't really know how I'm meant to do this! I'm 16 and completely out to everyone.I'm in a relationship with a guy who is still completely in the closet,I'm the only person that knows he's gay. We've been together for almost 6 months. He has no intentions of coming out anytime soon.The main reason that he's not out is because practically all his friends dislike gay people, we know this because many of them give me a hard time at school. He doesn't want to loose his friends and I understand that but he won't even say hi to me in school so that his friends won't know that we're 'friends'. He doesn't want them to know that he knows me to the point that we're not even friends on Facebook! At first I could deal with that but after 6 months he still doesn't even say hi to me!We never go anywhere that people could see us, so basically we never go outside, we only go to each others houses when nobody else is home so really we don't see much of each other. I can't tell anyone about the relationship which sucks but more than that my friends aren't stupid and they realized fairly fast that I was in a relationship and it really offends them that I won't tell them who he is.They all think that I don't trust them. It's particularly affecting my relationship with my other gay friends who don't understand why I can't tell them, considering they'd understand and wouldn't tell anyone else about him!I can't talk to my friends about him or ask their advice on anything concerning him, hence why I'm here lol I love my boyfriend so much but it's really putting a strain on our relationship. Everything seems fine to him but I can't keep being in a relationship that's a complete secret, it's messing up every other aspect of my life.I've talked to him about it a few times and each time he just gets upset and I feel horrible for bringing it up! I know how hard it is to come out and I don't want him to do it just to make my life better. If things keep on like this I'm going to have to break up with him that's not what I want to do but I can't keep on like this.I want to show him off to the world and he doesn't want the world to know that I exist. I'd just like another opinion on the situation what am I meant to do? Breaking up with him is the only option I can see but maybe somebody else can see another option? -Seth
It sounds like your relationship plateaued and something must be done in order change that. Go on a break, that is another option. Let him deal with his issues. While on break you could introduce him to your friends. Show him your side of life. Show him it isn't so bad. On break you're not obligated to see each other. The answer "no" is more acceptable. You would be allowed a breath of fresh air and so would he. Just set up a date where you two would talk over some serious issues. But imo a break up is required. He is asking for a lot and your getting little in return. Let him deal with his issues and don't let him take you down with him. You can still be friends if you want and help him out through his coming out process but you shouldn't be held back so much from him asking so much from you. I hope everything goes well with what ever you decide.
We've tried going on a break before and it did help but a few weeks after we got back together everything went back to how it was before I have been seriously considering breaking up with him but he's such an emotional wreck right now, I don't want to make him any more upset than he already is idk Thanks for the advice though!
The reality is, you deserve someone who is okay with being with you in public. Six months is quite a while to wait to see if he'll be that person for you. This relationship is hurting you and your friendships and I honestly think you should do what's best for YOU and break up with him. You can't force him to come out if he's not ready, but that doesn't mean you should stick around until he does. You have to take care of yourself and your life and if this relationship is adding mostly stress and unhappiness to the picture then get out of there, even though it will probably hurt. It's tough but true (*hug*)
Before breaking up with him, I think you need to have an open honest conversation. You say he thinks everything is fine, and when you do try to talk to him you stop because he gets upset. So it doesn't sound like you've really had a heart-to-heart. I'm not necessarily saying to give him an ultimatum. But be honest about how this situation is making YOUR life miserable. If he isn't willing to make even baby steps -- like opening up to some of your gay friends -- then I don't think there's hope for any kind of a healthy relationship right now.
