Ok. So for a while i realized that i was attracted to members of the smae sex, if only for physical purposes. I dont remeber having any serious concerns about this, especailly because of having crushes and interst in girls as well. it was a secret interst, like liking a really embarising tv show. If people found out, which was unlikley beacuse evey thing was done in secret, it would be sure as hell embarrising but not life shattering. However after one night of letting it slip that i found both a girl and a guy attractive to close friends who are very accepting and open minded people. OOOPS whole life upsidedown! Now of course my whole being is put into question and emotianly instablity ensues. These people after getting over a small inital shock could care less what my prefrances entail so why after saying it outloud ,but being ok with it before had, it feels like the ground around my feet is cracking Again apologies for the whiny post and proably overly answered question. Thank you.
You might have felt you were ok with it beforehand, but what you weren't ok with was anyone knowing. Now people know. So that's one change. But also, the people who know couldn't care less. That's another change, and probably the bigger impact on you. Because now it's like: oh shit, if my friends don't care, what's keeping me from exploring my feelings further. And that's what's scaring you right now. It's a new existence, not the safe hidden old world. I think you have a lot more self-acceptance and discovery steps to go through. But just know that there are friends that have your back and that should make things easier.
Perhaps someone else could explain better, but to me it seems that there's a difference between thinking something and saying it out loud. So long as your thoughts remain private, they're safe. You can think about it, consider them, perhaps put them aside until you're ready to come back to them... There's not much anyone can do with your thoughts. But once those thoughts are expressed, they're out in the open. Other people can now think about it themselves, and you can't really control what happens after that. Having lost control over a private and personal matter like that, it's understandable that you might feel uneasy, worried, or stressed. But of course emotions aren't always connected to what is or what will be, but what might be. But if these people really are accepting and don't mind whatever your orientation is, then hopefully you've nothing to worry about. I wonder if perhaps some of what you're feeling is based in part on the uncertainty of your nature? A you come to better understand your orientation, hopefully you'll start to feel a little more stable. Those are my thoughts at least, but as I said I can't speak from experience, so I hope I could help at least a little.
It's one thing to be accepting of it internally. Why? It's a bit like Beetlejuice - as long as you don't say it out loud, you don't make it real. Before you say something, it's all reversible. You can delete any gay porn off the hard drive, date nothing but girls for the rest of your life, and nobody would ever know. But now it's known. And it presumably can't be magically unknown. It's a step forward that you can't untake. And that can be unnerving. Try not to let it get to you. Lex
