So I've told a few people that I'm gay but it's been a while and I feel like I'd like to tell some more of my friends... basically reading some of the amazing stories on EC I feel inspired and want to make my life better and easier if possible! So... I've got some friends that were at uni with me coming over this weekend, and one of them is arriving earlier than the others. We're really good mates and she's got gay friends already (we have mutual gay friends actually)... and I think she actually asked me if I was gay once when we were out drinking, but I was really drunk and I didn't really want to say so I think I just ignored the question, or I didn't hear what she actually said and she was asking me something completely different! Anyway I was thinking about telling her when I go to meet her off the train, or should I tell her at the end of the weekend when everyone is leaving? Basically I don't want her to feel weird about it (I'm pretty sure and hoping that she won't) and then for the rest of my friends to wonder what's up. Or do you guys think that I should just tell her straight away? I'm really bad about doing this sort of thing, I tend to chicken out and just talk about something else and then feel really down for not going through with it. But I really do want people to know, just so I could be myself more around my friends who don't know, and not just the ones that do... From what I know of her I feel like she's unlikely to be bothered, or that she already knows... but I can never quite get over that annoying, terrifying feeling that someone will freak out when I tell them. I don't know about telling the others who are coming this weekend, just cause one of them is bringing her boyfriend and I don't know him at all and don't really feel comfortable telling someone I don't know... Anyway what do you guys think?
From what you've said, I find it hard to believe that she will have a problem with it, and since that is the case, I think it'd be best to tell her first thing. You said yourself that you want to be more yourself around your friends...this seems like a great opportunity. Assuming she's ok with it, then you will have her support when/if you tell some of your other friends this weekend. You can call it Thevedman's Coming Out Weekend! You can do it!! Good luck.
Thanks! I really appreciate the encouragement, I think I just need a push and then I think I could do it. I do really want to tell her this weekend if poss, I just hope I can do it, I find it one of the most terrifying things... and the stupid thing is last time I told one of my friends she was like 'Oh I already knew that!' and I was kind of like 'Oh right...' not the big freak out I was expecting, so hopefully this can be as smooth as last time!
Hey, Yeah, girls are way more accepting than guys. (I still haven't told my guy friends yet.) When I told my girlfriends that I wanted a sex change they were surprised but very accepting and kind to me. I know it can be a little scary but once you start telling you'll want to tell more and more. As for when you should tell her, I'd wait until everybody leaves. That way she can enjoy her weekend without this on her mind. When she leaves just sit down and talk with her. Make sure she's comfortable and that you might he in for a long talk or very brief "oh." reaction. Whatever the case I wish you good luck! Love, Ian
maybe just don't tell her when she just jumps off the train ! but if you have the opportunity before the others arrive when you're together and you fell like she'll be ok with it (which she seems to), go ahead it will certainly be very relieving. and if it goes well (what i don't doubt of) and if you feel like telling the others, you'll appreciate to have her as a wingman !
So we're saying do tell her on the day she arrives? I've got two hours before my next friend arrives... I was thinking of saying something along the lines of: - 'Can I just tell you something before the others arrive? And could you just keep it to yourself for now? The thing is I was seeing someone for a while this year... and well it was a bloke, we broke up a while ago but I just wanted to let you know. I don't know whether you knew already or not but I just wanted to let tell you. What do you think? I've been talking myself through it, and I don't know how to approach it... I'm not sure I can tell more than one person in the same weekend as well! It takes me ages to gear myself up to tell one person!
I would alter yours a bit and say something like "Can I tell you something before the others arrive? The thing is I was seeing someone for a while this year... and well it was a bloke, we broke up a while ago. I wanted to let you know because you've been a good pal to me and you seemed really open-minded about [insert mutual gay friend]." More than likely you guys will talk it out at least for a bit, then if you want, you can ask her to keep it to herself then. My opinion is that, for a person just coming out (and not the already 100% out people), expressing your sexuality should be a gift to others, and not a burden or a dirty little secret, because you're allowing them to see your true, vulnerable self. Therefore I would inject a little more confidence into it. Good luck!
sounds like you are weird about the group knowing at this group event, so just tell her after the group event when you have a chance to have her alone. yes, it may be awkward for the friend that is bringing her boyfriend. he doesnt even know you and all of a sudden you make a big announcement. but its your announcement and your life so who cares if he feels weird you dont know him. but personally i would just wait to tell people solo when there's not a group party where people have to be togehtr for days. as far as the girl that has already asked you if you are gay...um she knows already so it's not going to be a big revealation to her. again, you sound weird about it anyway, so just wait and dont say anything until you and her can have alone time. ---------- Post added 24th Jul 2011 at 05:46 PM ---------- also, what happens if she spills the beans and tells other people over the weekend. this could possibly happen and you already said you can't deal with that. so when you drop her off AFTER the weekend, just say, 'hey had a great time, blah blah blah" and then let her know then. that way is she has a big mouth, you wont have to deal with people acting weird around you over the weekend if you tell her before everyone else arrives. i'm sure she will keep her mouth shut though
Thanks that sounds better, and yeah I don't want her to think of it as keeping my dirty little secret, because I don't think of it that way. The last person I told I didn't ask to keep it to herself, and she told her boyfriend and sister and actually I feel great about that cause now they know me better too :icon_bigg I guess I'll see if she has time after the weekend, before she catches her train, then if not then I'll tell when she arrives, if she does I might tell her just as she's leaving. Thanks everyone for all the advice, I just need the encouragement now to go through with it!
Glad I could help :] remember to tell her if you don't mind her telling other people about your status. All of the people I've told had automatically taken the stance of keeping it a secret. You can do eeet~
