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Seeing the signs

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by paper person, Jul 23, 2011.

  1. paper person

    Regular Member

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    Im one of those people wha has a lot of things go over they're head. If someone is intersted in another person regardless of what gender or sexuality im thick like a cement wall.

    I once had a realy good friend i had met at my summer camp. she was sweet and a bit emotianly unblanced , but that didnt matter. afterwards i would go visit her after 2 hours of travel and often stay the night. ( did u know two teenagers of the opposite sex sleeping over at eachother houses was is a big deal cuz i sure as hell did not). I didnt think anything of it because i thought we were just really good freinds. After realizing she was kinda mean and rude to other close people in my life i stopped seeing her. now that i look back at all the times she wanted to hold my hand, lean on my shoulder cuz she said she was tired or wear my sweat shirt, is because she wanted to be more that freinds. hell i even slept in her room and nothing happened. ( her parents didnt get mad cuz her step dad thought i was gay anyway, lol. only half right) Damn i was pretty stupid

    Another girl i actually had a cruch on i thought liked me more than freinds. she would hug me always make sure i was feeling ok, got me gifts, backed cookies with and let me chill on her bed when we hung out. I thought man i fainlly get it. after a 3 day weekend she tells me she just got a new boy freind and had a lovley weekend. i told her i was happy for her but i was so haert broken.:icon_sad:

    so in short whats the best way to read signs and be a little more obvious about people intested in you? gay, straight or other wise.
     
  2. Owen

    In Loving Memory Full Member

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    That's one of the troubles with gender norms in our society: females are allowed to be a lot more, shall we say, flirtatious, without it counting as flirting, so it's hard to be sure. As far as reading the signs and responding to them goes, I've always been of the opinion that in matters like these, the surest course of action is to just flat out ask if they are interested. If they are, you coming right out and asking isn't going to change their minds. ("You've picked up on my hints? Well now I'm not interested in you at all!" :dry:slight_smile: And if they aren't, you can rest easy in the knowledge that you now know for sure how they feel about you.

    As for showing interest (which I think you asked about, but from your wording, I'm not sure), I'm also a fan of the direct approach. If you are good friends, just say, "I really enjoy the time we spend together, and I really like you. Would you be interested in (insert activity you both would enjoy here) as a date?" Saying the activity first makes it a bit less of a shock that you're asking, and it gives them an easy out if they aren't interested in you. ("I don't really like you that way, but I would like to (whatever activity).") Introducing it as a date, rather than using language like "take the friendship further" or "be more than friends", might also quell any nervousness they might otherwise have about being more than friends. You can change the wording as you like and as you deem necessary.