Coming out at college. I need advice :(

I just flat out brought it up in conversations very nonchalantly. We would talk about things and people we liked were brought up and I was just extra open with my homosex like if it wasn't a big deal. Not many people have a problem with it. I've only ever had 1 bad coming out experience but it's overshadowed by the amount of "cool, lets go get lunch" reactions. If your still nervous about it just come out one by one and it'll get easier and pretty soon you'll get very comfortable running into people you don't know and having to explain to them that your not straight in your normal tone of voice. If people in highschool ask about it just be open as well.

"But in highschool..."
"But in highschool I was still.... but now......."
"Cool, lets go get lunch" P)

Now if you're still worried about it don't fret. Come out when your ready to do so. Don't rush things is you don't want to. It's your information. If you feel someone else might go and spread it then don't tell them. You might find out that with this type of information (especially in college) is hard to keep under control. Come out when your ready. It's college. You can be/do whatever you have always felt like doing.

 

This is what you need to do, in my opinion...

Out yourself to the people that care about you, and to the people that you care about, and just be honest with your feelings and your regrets and let your point of view be known. Tell your close friend and tell him it isn't a secret, tell him that he can tell whoever he wants.

Don't worry about anything anyone says either. What's going to happen if someone calls you a faggot or a queer? So what? It isn't like those are bad things and fuck anyone who says otherwise and if you're going to live your life as an out gay man you're going to need some thick skin. All of us have to deal with this crap at one point or another, you might as well get over it now and move on to the things that really matter. I doubt anything bad is going to happen anyway, you're at college, one of the most accepting and diverse places on Earth.

Plus, bullies target people who they think are insecure or weak. If you make your sexuality a big deal then everyone else will make it a big deal too. Just put it out there for what it is and leave it at that.

 

Unless it's a super conservative Chrsitian college, most people aren't going to care.

High school may have been hell, but college is so much more accepting.

 

That is awesome. I'm in a very similar situation as you. I'm heading to university next year and I am not going to care about what other people think of my inner self there. A completely new social environment is perfect for making changes to your life. Cast away your anxiety and doubt from the old life and start fresh. =]

You are absolutely well within the normal line. There is nothing wrong with only having a few friends you are truly close to. You will be surprised at how many social butterflies have not even one single true friend. My best friend that I've gotten to know well this year is like that. Even though he had tons of friend all throughout the school years, he admitted to me being his first meaningful guy-guy friendship. When you feel self-conscious about yourself, just remember that you don't have to appear perfect to everyone, because your close friends will still love that imperfect you.

Life is full of mistakes. Simply move on. Psychologically speaking, shame and regret is only evolutionarily useful to change a (morally) unacceptable action. Now that you know better, there's no need to feel like you still need to redeem yourself.

You should definitely tell at least one of your good friends if you've never came out to anyone for moral support. If he/she is a true friend, I highly doubt he/she'll go around talking about it, so you can set your own rules of announcing your sexuality. One good way is to start with mutual friends first. If you're gutsy enough to simply megaphone it to everyone, great. However, if you get the tinkling feeling that a significant amount of people will be homophobic, it's best to get some support from friends first.

People change, especially now that you're an adult. Or perhaps, other people never really "got" you. You can saying from "High school's in the past. What I did before was simply leading me up to where I am now." to "Guess you never really knew me that well huh? How 'bout we catch up some time?"

Good luck with everything :]

 

I think in college is where it will be the most accepted and best place to explore your new found identity

 

Good for you for coming out to your family! Congratulations!

If you're nervous about coming out I would suggest starting out by telling one friend, perhaps someone you are particularly close to. I think you will probably be surprised by the positive reactions you receive . When you've come out to that one friend see how you feel and whether you feel ready to come out to others.

Don't worry about the negative things you said in the past. The past is gone, what matters is happening now. I recently met up with a guy who tormented me in high school, called me a lesbo and a slut etc. He also gave my male gay friend a hard time too. This guy then came out to me, and we went to a gay club together. I didn't have any anger for him, I just felt bad that he had struggled for so long.

Good luck on your journey!

 

Hello fellow social anxiety sufferer. I have social anxiety disorder, and about 3 friends. Coming out was not easy to do, but I am finally fully out of the closet.

The best advice to offer is that you should come out to your close friends. If they reject you (and most likely if they are really close to you they will not), then you can always turn to the local Gay Straight Alliance at your college. If there is not one at your college, there should be one in the area. It is a great way to make friends who will accept you for who you are.

What I did, before coming out, was start a few discussions surrounding the topic. I'd ask people how they felt about political hotbutton issues (like gay marriage) to test the waters. If you get a favorable reaction, chances are you will be accepted. This may sound silly, but sometimes it is good to drudge up a list of questions that someone might ask you that way you're not put on the spot about it if someone does question you. Since you're recently out of the closet, you might not have experienced this. It is likely to happen, and I just wanted to warn you ahead of time. If you're willing to calmly answer questions that you'd answer about any topic (meaning they don't invade your privacy) then they'll likely be reminded that you're the same person they liked in the first place.

Hope everything goes well for you!

 

Only tell your close friends. True friends probably suspect or probably know that you are gay so it shouldn’t be such a shock. If they decide to cut ties with you at least you they weren’t true friends. I wouldn’t worry too much about the high school acquaintances. Only come out to those who matter to you and only when you feel comfortable. Do not come out if you feel that the negative comments will be too much for you to handle. At college I only came out to fellow gay guys and to guys I was dating. Befriend a few gay guys on campus and through them you can meet more gay guys and you might get to meet that special someone.

I haven’t come out to anyone (officially). My mother and sister know that I am gay but they are in denial about it. I haven’t come out to any of my friends because there is no need to; we are all gay except for one friend whom I think is also gay or at least Bi. I used to be really feminine when I was in my teens but now I am just a regular guy. Most people don’t know I am gay until they get to know me better. My sexuality is my business only. Anyways at the age of twenty five no one is going to ask me to my face whether I am gay (that’s the best part of getting older).

 

There's a lot of good advice from previous posters. It generally all comes down to what FEELS right to you. There's not a specific right way or an exact wrong way to come out, generally. It's highly individual.

That being said, I've got one thing to add. If your school has a GSA or a Pride Alliance or some other LGBT support group--JOIN IT. It's a super easy way to make friends, even for the socially awkward. You all already have something in common! And they will understand a lot of what you're going through and even might have tips on how to come out effectively.

Good luck, and like other posters said, college is a fantastic time to come out, due to the generally more relaxed socially liberal nature of higher educational institutions.

 

my personal view is screw those people from high school. they are not your friends anyway. you said they are acquaintances. so who really gives a *bleep* what they think. are they paying your way through school? no. are they taking your exams for you? no. are they washing your clothes and paying for your meal plan, no? well then....who gives a *bleep* what they think.

yes, you gay bashed in high school and you see that was wrong. but guess what, they are probably doing something right now very hypocritcal as well.

just live your life and this notion that everyone on campus needs to know that you like guys, it's hard for me to accept. just tell people that you think matters or that are your close friends or that you may want to date.