So I think I might be a transsexual. I was born with a Y chromosome, a penis, and a cheerful disposition. I'm only attracted to males, and I came out as gay to my family when I was fifteen. They took the news surprisingly well, and have been entirely supportive ever since. Anyway, I can recall multiple times during my childhood when I would dress up in girls' clothes and pretend about myself; I guess I've always had this "thing." Anyway, this thing with no name has been picking up steam over the past year, and I'm having trouble sorting out all of my tangled feelings. It's impossible for me to be a male in the way society expects me to. Being part of a strong gay community has, thankfully, allowed me a more plastic gender expression and fewer restrictions. So I still dress like a girl occasionally, but now I'm called a drag queen and everyone loves me and laughs at my jokes and finds me wonderfully entertaining, and I love it too. But the reason I love drag really has nothing to do with the makeup and the fake breasts and the hair--it's about the freedom to act as feminine as I want and never be expected to change. When I hear trans people talk, they say, "Oh, I've always just felt like a woman." I really don't know what it means to "feel" a gender. All I know is that I'm more satisfied when I present as a woman. I don't really even know what gender is. I hope this is all making sense. It's very jumbled in my mind. Can anybody help? I don't know what I am. Trans people out there, do my feelings ring true to those of a transsexual? Thanks so much!
Hey! Well, as a future transsexual, I don't really know. It's not something so basic for me. I am miserable as a boy. My penis disgusts me and feels completely alien. My only relationships with girls have been to cover up my feelings. I've also crossdressed numerous times, all of which made me feel right and "natural" for me, being a transsexual isn't about liking dress up and boys, it's about how I feel. I feel like a girl. When some one is sad I want to mother them and hug them, not just grunt and pat 'em on the back. When I sit I feel weird not crossing my legs over, like of I spread them open I'm vulnerable. It goes on. Another thing that defines us is that we all (usually) harbor some hatred of our penis. When I got my first errection I was scared shitless. The feeling was just wrong, plain and simple. When I see my penis after getting put of the shower I immediatley avert my eyes. It's the whole "if I can't see it it's not there" type of deal. Also the thought of growing a beard is just disgusting. Being a transsexual (for me) is about these things. Feeling feminine loving acting femine hate my male body. So are you a transsexual? It's not for me too define, it's all about you. Hope I helped and lots of love Ian
