I was over at my friend's house, in her room, when somehow LGBT came up in the conversation. Most of the comments I heard were positive or at least neutral and then my friend of five years says this:"Not to belittle them, but I wouldn't want a lesbian in my room". Needless to say, I feel a lot like a piece of feces and I really don't know what to do. I just want to crawl into bed and stay there. Help?
She already had a lesbian in her room, probably more than a couple times, and nothing happened so what is she worried about? What a stupid thing to say. Just come out to her. I feel pretty confident saying that she'll apologize.
Some people say ignorant things like that only because they've never met someone who is LGBT. It is definitely a very uncomfortable situation, but perhaps, in time, and depending on how close you both are, you can bring up the topic again & eventually ease her into knowing who you are & that you're essentially the same person she's always known. She's probably just afraid that a lesbian is essentially a woman who wants to sleep with every woman, which is most certainly NOT the case. You may be attracted to women, but what may need to be clarified is that you don't want to be with her simply because she's female. Once she understands that you and her are just friends and you only want to be friends and that nothing has changed between you, she will probably change her opinions on this subject. But don't feel you need to tell her right away, it's just as much important that you be comfortable being able to tell her as it is that she is comfortable with who you really are. A lot of people say things like what she has said simply because of fear, fear that is unfounded & has no basis because that person has never met anyone who is gay or lesbian.
Strange she would say that in particular when a lesbian was in her room. I wonder how having a gay person in one's room even got into the convo for her to say that. In any case, might as well come out to her at some point. And the not to belittle them part is interesting. Think it's possible she already knows? The not to belittle part is respectful and the latter part is ridiculous. I guess it depends how close you are, too, but if you think you are good friends, all the more reason to be out with it.
"Not to belittle them"? Well then what was she doing when she said that? That's a harsh statement for her to make, but it sounds like she just hasn't learned how great lesbians are yet. (*hug*) One thing I've heard is that people are most likely going to change their mind about LGBT people once they know 2 friendly LGBT persons. So while your friend may think she wouldn't want a lesbian in her room, chances are she won't think so when she gets to know more lesbians, or if she knew that her coolest friend is one too! Also, what's so special about her room that lesbians aren't allowed? That just sounds weird.
Like everyone else said, your friend will probably change her mind once and if you come out to her. She probably has this weird idea of what a lesbian is and what they would do if they were ever around other girls. Once you come out then all those thoughts and ideas pretty much get shattered since she already knows that nothing weird happens at all Sorry that you had to hear it, though. It can really feel like a punch to the stomach when it happens (*hug*)
You should mention to your friend that you've been good friends for awhile. And tell her that that comment she made hurt you a little because you're a lesbian. It takes knowing a lesbian/gay/queer or racial different person to realize that there are different people in the world and that one should respect them. Not all lesbians will be attracted to all women. Just like not all straight guys will be attracted to all women.
I don't think your friend was being homophobic and I think she was merely saying it out of ignorance and not really being aware of your sexuality. If you come out to her, she'll probably feel awful about what she said and hopefully learn to appreciate you more than she did when you were in the closet.
people can be so closed minded... why is it that so many assume gay people are in two stereotypical forms, the femme, man hungry gay male, and the girl hungry lesbian. the inability of some people to grasp reality really makes me fear for humanity. Lesbians rock... at least all the ones I know... really, the only way you would know they were gay was if you saw them with their partners. They are down to earth, funny, smart, great friends. idiots amuse me... but only to a point.
You Can Either Tell Her "well Guess What You Got A Lesbian In Your Room And Now What." Or You Can Bite Your Tongue And Cut Her Off. I Would Cut Her Off Personally. Screw Her.
Thanks. That really helps. We're really good friends, so I don't want to lose her over something so ridiculous. I hope you guys are right, that it is just ignorance, but the thing is that she does know a few lesbians as well as gay guys, which is why her comment hurt so much. I don't really know these people, but maybe they aren't good examples?To AtamaWeapon: Someone, there were five of us, had said something about a sleepover they had with a friend, who happened to be a lesbian, so I really don't think she knows.
