Gay and joining the military?

I think that's it's great that you have the courage to serve your country. Also, I think you should focus on doing your duty. If you're worried about what others might think, say, or do to you, then you already don't trust them. That's your problem, though, and not theirs.

 

I'm joining the military, though I have never feared what others think past DADT.

 

What people need to understand--people including straight marines and military personnel--is that the love to your country and will to serve should ALWAYS come first, and should always outshine whatever prejudice or hate that you're keeping in your heart.

At the end, if you're really going to serve your country but hate a bunch of it's citizens then it really doesn't make much sense.

 

One thing I kind of always didn't like about putting DADT through getting repealed was all this "people should serve openly" and don't get me wrong, I like living openly. But at the same time, being gay shouldn't have anything to do with your job. I mean yes DADT was important to get repealed because now if you do choose to disclose your sexuality either during registration or after, you can't be discharged for it. However same time, while I know being in the army has a much higher sense of heightened brotherhood than say...working at a McDonald's lol, you still shouldn't have to feel the need to tell. I mean if you want to tell, then by all means, go for it. But otherwise don't tell unless someone asks you, that way you weren't lying to them nor breaking their trust, and you also then don't have to worry so much about how people will see you if you just came out of the closet singing "Don't Rain on My Parade"

 

I wouldn't put too much worry into this, there maybe some homophobic people there but your orientation is the least of their concerns when your in the army.

 

I think some people have a too-rosy picture of how all this is likely to play out. I read a study recently (from UCLA, IIRC) about how gays serving in militaries around the world has actually worked.

For the most part, gays "take the temperature" of the unit they go to before deciding whether to out themselves or not. Some commanders are more tolerant and open, some less.

And for God's sake, please do not go to Marine boot camp and just announce to everyone that you're gay. Basic training (in the Army and Marines, anyway) is a high stress environment and it's designed to be. So people get into fights over the stupidest things. Not to mention the fact that, God bless them, but this isn't the most enlightened group of guys on the planet. And your drill instructor's whole job is to break you down and build you into a Marine. That involves a lot of verbal abuse. The whole premise is to tell you to do things they know you can't do, then punish you when you don't do them. So the more you keep your head down and just work your ass off, knowing that it's temporary, the better off you're going to be.

You are not likely going to have the time or energy to play with yourself, much less anyone else, so if you want my free advice, focus on your training and nothing else. There are going to be times where you are going to think you can't go on. The only thing that's going to get you through is your desire to get that eagle, globe and anchor.

So, if you want to be a Marine, forget about everything else in life, including your sexuality, and focus on doing whatever you have to to prepare for successfully completing that 13 weeks.

---------- Post added 25th Jul 2011 at 12:03 PM ----------

PS, if it sounds like I'm trying to scare you...I am! You are about to do the hardest thing you have done in your life so far, something the vast majority of this country's citizens couldn't do even if they wanted to. You better be running til you puke every other day of the week and working out HARD on the other days. The recruiter's job is to appeal to your patriotism, etc, and that's fine. You wouldn't be doing it otherwise. But there is a reality to what you're about to go through. If you want to talk about it more, please feel free to PM me. I've gotten a number of guys mentally and physically prepared to go to basic training.

 

I get the feeling that some people thought that ending DADT would mean that all of the homosexuals in the military would suddenly become flamboyant about it. There are some people who can't wrap their heads around the possibility that the majority of homosexual people are just like everyone else--except they sleep with the same sex.

At the same time, hiding who you are and where you come from should not be considered acceptable when everyone else can do it. If DADT applied to everyone, it would be a different story. Both straight and gay people were not allowed to say who they are dating, what sex their partner is, and what they do in their spare time, but that's not what DADT was. It singled people out. Not only that, but it fueled witch hunts within the military. These people would not tell anyone inside of the military what they were doing in their free time, but if someone was suspected of being gay, there was an investigation and then a trial. The trial was basically all speculative evidence, so it's virtually impossible to defend yourself. Both straight and gay people were discharged because of DADT, due to suspicions of homosexual conduct.

DADT needed to be removed because it was distracting soldiers and officers alike from doing their real jobs. Soldiers should be able to serve without always having to fear of their own unit or officer going to the wrong people and saying they're a "witch."

 

I have many gay friends who are currently serving, or who did serve, in the US military. All of them, without exception, speak very highly about being in the military. You will also find that there are a lot of gays in the military.

As others have said, don't dwell on it. Just be yourself, do your job and you will be fine.

 

There are a lot of redneck homophobic idiots in the Marines though, I have met and heard some say some mean stuff.

But most of them probably wouldn't care.

 

As you said, there are always the homophobes to worry about, but most people will probably accept you, and why should you let the fears prevent you from following your dream? ^u^

Just go for it. I mean, it could be bad, but you'll never know unless you try it. And even if they are mean at first, maybe they'll adjust to it. I mean, everything, even bullying, gets old after a while, right?

hope this helped! ^u^

Besides, haters are gonna hate, no matter what, right? Just don't let it bother you, and you will be just fine. :icon_wink

OH, and congrats on figuring out what your orientation is! I'm still working on figuring out mine, but I'm only 16, so i guess I have a while... Sorry, that was off topic... :eusa_doh: