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Old 25th Jul 2011, 07:41 AM   #1
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Default what does bisexual actually mean?

I have been told several different definitions of what being bisexual means. They usually come to two primary ones and I was wondering which is right. One: Being bisexual refers to what gets you up. If you can get up by or from both then you are bisexual. Two: Being Bisexual refers to what you prefer. If you prefer both then you are bi. So which one is it, or is it a cross between the two or do both have their truths?
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Old 25th Jul 2011, 08:00 AM   #2
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Default Re: what does bisexual actually mean?

Prefer? That makes it sound like a choice? I think it’s what stimulates/attracts you physically and emotionally.
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Old 25th Jul 2011, 08:22 AM   #3
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Default Re: what does bisexual actually mean?

Okay, I promise I didn't mean it to sound as a choice. I mean I know it isn't.

What if you can be emotionally attracted to one and both for the other? Then what does that make you?
For example, you can be emotionally attracted to girls, but both emotionally and physically attracted to guys. So what would that make you?
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Old 25th Jul 2011, 09:07 AM   #4
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Default Re: what does bisexual actually mean?

Somewhere on the klein grid. Bisexuality is divided into two camps. Some enter from the gay side, others from the straight side and that"s their preference. But it also means physically being attracted to. Although primarily straight, some guys catch my attention as well physically. Basically I think you need both.

Consider heterosexuality. The same sex can emotionally bond together all the time, but if the physical attraction isn't there that's as far as it's going to go. Just friends.

I can go to an LGBT event, get hit on by a relatively attractive guy yet only have eyes for a girl ahead of me. Basically I'm under a kinsey 3. Some guys do it, others don't.

If you don't think girls are attractive that means you're gay or higher than a kinsey 3.

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Old 25th Jul 2011, 09:52 AM   #5
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Default Re: what does bisexual actually mean?

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Originally Posted by confusedguy View Post
What if you can be emotionally attracted to one and both for the other? Then what does that make you?
For example, you can be emotionally attracted to girls, but both emotionally and physically attracted to guys. So what would that make you?
Now you're entering into the realm of romantic orientation. While our sexual orientation determines what sexes get us up (for men) and sexually arouse us, our romantic orientation determines what sexes we can fall in love with. Labels for romantic orientation use the same prefixs as labels for sexual orientation, so the person you described (assuming they are male) would be homosexual biromantic.

Now, as far as I know, for most people, their romantic orientation is the same as their sexual orientation (or, at the very least, their sexual orientation, if it is for one sex or the other but not both, leads them to not explore romantic relationships with both sexes), which is why many people don't specify their romantic orientation when discussing their sexual orientation. For them, bisexual means both bisexual and biromantic, and it might very well be the case that most bisexuals are also biromantic, though I doubt that's the case 100% of the time.

But I digress. The answer to your question is that "bisexual" means the first of your two primary definitions. They both have their truths, but I think the second definition you gave describes biromantic orientation.
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Old 25th Jul 2011, 01:33 PM   #6
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Default Re: what does bisexual actually mean?

You're sort of asking two questions, and it's hard to answer because on one hand you are referring to sexual attraction, and on the other emotional. Sexuality and romantic love ate fluid.

Bisexuality in terms of purely sexual attraction means that you find both sexes equally physically attractive, and enjoy sex (or the idea of sex) with both.

However, relationships aren't just about physical attraction, are they? There's also romantic love to factor in, and that's where things can get complicated. I am a bisexual woman who is equally attracted to the personalities on men and women, and have been in relationships with both. However, that is not always the case. A few years ago I fell in love with a girl, after we had enjoyed a purely sexual relationship. When I told her how I felt, she explained to me that although she found men and women equally sexually attractive, she had never found women to be romantically attractive, that is, she preferred to have emotional relationships with men.

So, was she bisexual? Yes. Was she bi in the same way I am? No.

At the end of the day, I always think of it as the heart wanting what it wants.

However, as to the answer to your question, I would say the simplest answer is that bisexuality is the phenomenon of someone being equally attracted to both genders.

Unfortunately, sexuality is easier to explain than love :P.
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Old 26th Jul 2011, 12:44 AM   #7
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Default Re: what does bisexual actually mean?

the first one, and I had no idea what biromantic was or that even existed... I think I actually might know what I am now. Thank you so much.
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Old 26th Jul 2011, 02:57 PM   #8
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Default Re: what does bisexual actually mean?

to me it means who are you attracted to. if it's both, then it would be bi. doesn't mean you have to act on any of the attractions but you have them. but that's a simple way of explaining. for some people its the very act that makes someone bi or hetero or gay. for instance, they feel that if i only have ever had sex with the opposite sex, i'm hetero even though i have attractions to mean. the point it, drop the labels and just be you.
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Old 26th Jul 2011, 06:33 PM   #9
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Default Re: what does bisexual actually mean?

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Originally Posted by confusedguy View Post
Okay, I promise I didn't mean it to sound as a choice. I mean I know it isn't.

What if you can be emotionally attracted to one and both for the other? Then what does that make you?
For example, you can be emotionally attracted to girls, but both emotionally and physically attracted to guys. So what would that make you?

This is my issue, I am so much more physically attracted to girls and I love having sexual encounters with them, it fun to please a woman and make her feel special, however I could not date one, not because I am afraid of what people would think, hell I hold hands with my girlfriends in public but when it comes to relationships I have to be with a guy, idk I am more emotionally attracted to guys but physically attracted to girls.

I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now and I love him to death. I am sexually attracted to him because I love him, but if I saw a naked guy with nice abs and muscles, I wouldn't look twice at him but a cute naked girl never fails to turn me on... I consider myself bisexual now and always have since the age of 14
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Old 26th Jul 2011, 09:04 PM   #10
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Default Re: what does bisexual actually mean?

@feelindown:
I honestly want to drop labels, but in order to come out, you need (well at least in my view) to know what to say so you feel others understand better and so they can start to accept it. Like one of my friends I have been really wanting to tell because I really trust them but I can't even get into the conversation because I wouldn't know what to say. I mean how do you explain something to someone that you like guys but you are uncertain how much you really like girls. To me, that leaves them too much room for interpretation. They could think you are just confused. Or start trying to place you in a category that you don't belong in.

Here, I will just lay it out. I can get aroused by girls. I can get the same from guys. Guys, i react faster. If you were to have a hot girl and a hot guy come down the street at the exact same time and you only had time to see one, I would be checking that guy out in like nothing flat. This is where the sticking point of does that make me Bi or gay that I can react, in terms of arousal, to both. But I see a hot guy and a hot girl, I want to see that guy more than the girl. Ugh! this gets confusing.

The only reason I am concerned with labels is for the fact of when I feel its right to come out. I want to know to come out as. I guess it also becomes an issue in relationships. Some girls don't want to date bi guys and some guys don't want to date bi guys as well. And if you don't really know which you are, then that could create an issue. I honestly don't know though. If I am wrong on any of this, please tell me.
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Old 27th Jul 2011, 09:35 PM   #11
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Default Re: what does bisexual actually mean?

Ok so Gamer covered pretty well that you can be Biromantic and Bisexual or some combination of the two. It also seems to me that you are sure that you are more attracted to men sexually but can still be attracted to a women. Yet when it comes to emotions you are pretty fifty fifty is that correct? If that is the case well you now know what to tell your friend. If you would like to hear how I would say it well I will give it a shot.

(Friends name) I have something I kind of need to get off my chest. I am Bisexual. By this I mean I am physically and romantically attracted to both sexes. However for me I tend to lean towards guys when it comes to the physical aspect.

So thats what I might go with. Oh and dont forget the book I mentioned in another thread of yours.
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Old 27th Jul 2011, 09:47 PM   #12
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Default Re: what does bisexual actually mean?

@bibliophile

I would have said that description was correct, but the more I begin to think on it open mindedly, I realize that it is more of a 70% guys or more and 30% girls or less on emotions even. Like if you were to rate me on the Kinsey scale, I would fit between a a 4-5. I don't know if that helps explain it any more or less. Like I can see a girl and she can be good looking but the thoughts of having sex with her never really happen. Then you can get a nice looking girl and she have a great personality, I would consider wanting to date her. But again, no thoughts of sex come to mind. No wanting to get her in bed. Just...well I don't know what you would call it. While on the other hand entirely, if I was to see a really good looking guy, the first thoughts that come to mind...well, depending on the guy, can be really graphic. Even in a more mild sense, I would like jump at the opportunity to kiss him. The stickler though is that I have never had a relationship with a guy and I have only had limited relations with a girl, so in terms of knowing from experience...well that is out the window.

So please tell me with this being considered, what would you say? I appreciate any advice and wisdom I can get.
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Old 27th Jul 2011, 10:02 PM   #13
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Default Re: what does bisexual actually mean?

Well it feels complicated doesnt it. Heck adding the numbers that you did it can even seem like a math equation. However in reality you already know how you feel and have even told me. You admit that you can have feelings for a girl and that its even possible for you to have sexual thoughts for them though unlikely. So you are bisexual but lean towards men. Its not all that hard once you hear it that way is it? Yet I am sure some really cute girl will come along and throw you all out of wack every once in a while right? Thats pretty normal too. Just know that in your heart of hearts you know you lean towards men but can fall for a girl if you find the right one. Again I will mention the book Bisexual's guide to the universe. It was a great tool for me so I suggest looking it up.
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Old 27th Jul 2011, 11:55 PM   #14
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Default Re: what does bisexual actually mean?

i feel the same way you feel. i can be attracted to both but when i see a hot guy i will instantly be more into him versus seeing a hot girl. i would be more curious about the guy than the girl but can be aroused by both. does that make me bi, gay, straight, bi with a leaning toward gay...i dont know and frankly i dont care. if you decide to come out, you can tell people that you notice that you like both or that you are open to whomever you are attracted to and gender doesn't play a role in it for you. if they ask you if you are bi, you can say yes. if they have a problem with it or say "oh dude you're just confused". tell them, no i'm not, i just dont put myself into a box. some people will have a problem with it. if they do, guess what, who cares. just do you and dont get stuck on what you have to tell people. its not like they are you have to answer to them. if you feel like telling someone you are gay, tell them your'e gay. if you want to tell them your'e bi, say your'e bi. if you want to say you are gender open/neutral, say that. whatever you want to say. and if anyone gives you that "oh you're in denial you're confused dude." there are people that you need to be around anyway. peace out.
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