What an incredible journey this has been. My life is so different. It is so much better and getting better with each day. So two weeks ago I was on a one week camping trip with a group of friends we went down to Northern California near Lassen National Park. We had a great time swimming, hiking and riding quads and hanging out in the sun. As the week went on most of the people left for home and it ended up being just my wife and my best friend and his wife left at the camp site. I came out to my wife about 6 weeks prior, and she has been one of my biggest supporters. I was feeling as thought this would be a good time to come out to them. I was very scarred at the prospects of telling him in particular and how it would go. Soooo one evening I stumbled through the process and finally spit out the words. He did not take it well. He said very little and would not look me in the eyes. One of the first things he said was about all the things that he had said over the years about gays. He did say things but they were not that bad in comparison to a lot of the jokes that I have heard over the years. He said that he believes that it is a choice. I told him that it was not a choice for me and that I have had these feelings since I was 11 years old or younger. Well, a long story short is that he is still processing it and I am hopeful he will come around. I did see him last week at a party and he talked to me and made good eye contact….so I’m keeping my fingers crossed. I really don’t want to lose him as a friend. We have been close for a long long time. We are meeting tonight after work because he said that he wants to talk to me. I hope it goes well. Now, on to the important one that I need advice about. I have told everyone that I wanted to tell, I know that people will find out as time goes on, and that’s OK because I’m no longer hiding. I have really been battling with telling my mom and dad. I know that mom will accept it. I know she will still love me. Dad on the other hand is a different story. He is so negative about everything. I had a very hard time this last week with him during a family gathering. He told me how disappointed he was in me because I never had any children. Until he said that I was thinking about telling both him and mom, but now I don’t know what to do. I have been thinking that maybe I should just tell mom. Is that unfair to tell her and not dad. Is it placing a burden on her to keep my secret? I just don’t know what to do. I care about my dad but our relationship has always been difficult. He treats me differently than my brother or sister. Please Help!
sometimes, you just have to bite the bullet, and just tell someone. I was terrified of telling my grandmother, but she loved me more than she disliked gay people, and in the end, her knowing I was gay gave her a chance to revaluate her views. people can surprise you. and woot... oregon! we rock!
First of all, it sounds like you have found a wonderful person as your wife. i hope that you are able to maintain a close friendship throughout your lives. It sounds like you already have, which is great! On some level I think your father may already know what you are about to tell him. Parents know us in a deeper way than anyone else, because they have been there watching us since before we knew that there was a closet to go into. Perhaps this is why you feel your relationship with your father has always been different from your brothers and sisters. The fact is that you are different from them in that you have a sexual orientation that does not match up with your parents'. If you tell him and he reacts negatively, you will need to decide whether he is actually opposed to the idea of you being gay or if he just doesn't understand it, because it's something different from what he has experienced.
