Hi everybody, I have an issue that I would like to present here and I would like to try to get some sense out of it .. My Ex and I were in relationship for 3 years and started as long distance. I eventually moved to where he lives now and we broke up but stayed good friends. I have known him so far for total of about 7 years. Be4 me, he dated someone also long distance from overseas, they met twice around 7 or 8 years ago and it didn't work out for them, so they stayed friends after, but not as close as my ex and I. Anyway, I flew overseas to see my family recently and my Ex's Ex happened to live there, which I knew about long time ago. I flew only for 2 weeks and towards the end of my 2nd week there, I've decided to find contact info about this man and called him up to say hi and to introduce myself and to see if he was willing to meet and just to know each other. That gentleman agreed to meet me, however he called my ex to say that your (friend) is going to meet me with me shortly. My Ex texted me that he was very "surprised" that I didn't tell him about meeting his ex. I replied by stating that i thought It was ok with you since both of you are friends now and that both of us ( the other ex and myself) are from the same city back home. We met and we talked alot, took me out for a dinner and talked alot about life and work and other issues and he turned out to know my whole family and that we are semi related. I flew back and brought gifts for my ex from his previous ex and myself. The first thing he said sarcastically to me was " so you found ---'s name on the internet yellow pages and you decided to call?" hmmmm... I gave him the gifts and two weeks passed by normally, till he decided to give me a call to explode in my face saying that I should have asked him for his ex's phone number if I had the intension of meeting him, rather than finding it myself. Sorry, I had to give this whole introduction so you have the whole background and you can judge fairly..Am I in the wrong here? Thanks,
I get why you'd think that you didn't do anything wrong because if you guys really are all just friends and have been for a long time, then it would seem like that wouldn't be such a big deal. BUT, I feel like perhaps you not telling your ex that you were going to meet his other ex means that you didn't want him to know. What was your intention exactly in meeting up with your ex's ex? Why didn't you say anything to your ex about it? Maybe you didn't intend it to be that way, but it seems a little sketchy
My take on this... It is a free world, you can talk to whoever you want. But the debacle your ex is bringing up sounds more of a social taboo which you broke and that is contacting your friend's ex and socializing with them. To add to your ex's angst, you're in another country and you searched for him, you took the time to look for this guy and took your time to meet and greet with him. That's a big no no if you were dating....but you are not. I think your ex still has feelings for you or the other guy or he is still getting over his feelings for you or the other guy as well. So to sum it up, no I don't think you were wrong in what you did as an individual but when dealing with someone's ex you should always, always, always, always think about how your actions might be perceived by the person they once dated (a.k.a your friend/his ex) so you don't get yourself in these situations. If anything your apology shouldn't be that you met up with him but that you should have called your ex for his ex's phone. Again social taboo broken, it sucks, apologize and I hope everything gets better
Um, he's your ex. If you want to look up everybody he's ever slept with, and not just meet them but sleep with them, and never tell him...that's totally your call. You don't need his permission. If you were still dating him, then yes. You're not, so I don't see the big deal. Lex
Thank you all for your feedback, @ thedreamwatch: The intension of meeting my ex's ex was because of a pressing issue. I am closeted and my family wants me to get married plus i am the eldest, my family members are pretty conservatives, and for the 2nd half of my vacation time, my dad kept talking to me about marriage, values, family values..you name it, and it was at breakfast, lunch and dinner and in between for 6 straight days. I definitely felt like there was no oxygen in my brain or around me, so I have decided to meet up with this man because he is married with kids. My ex and he met be4 the other one got married. I needed an input from him about that change and what made him do that. Obviously i didn't include that at the original message here as I didn't intend to make it too long. I personally think that If i wanted to do something sketchy to hurt my ex, I would have asked his ex not to call him and tell him that we met. I could've done that. I chose not to because i was in serious debate and needed someone to tell me their openion , someone who "has been there, done that" type. @Mydecember: I definitely will watch out for any future things like that. Always put myself in the other's shoes to get a sense of what they feel. I think my ex has alot of feelings for his ex and not me personally. I 've dated guys after that and their were no major issues. @lexington: Thanks! I felt at times that it was like taking a permission. I just hope i am wrong in my feeling, because my ex now won't talk to me anymore and he said to me that he wants me to apologize profusely for not taking the phone number of his ex off him and that i am now considered the "enemy" till further notice! ---------- Post added 26th Jul 2011 at 12:23 PM ---------- oh and something else i forgot to mention: My ex knows about my marriage pressure issues. He is out to his sister, friends and co workers and i don't see him giving me an accurate read of what could happen to me if I get married and still be gay. I swear I don't want to sound judgemental at all but I feel it is all about him, never mind my problems, I have to fix them myself but not @ the expense of our closeness.
Hey, if he wants to cut contact over this or anything else, that's his decision. Speaking only for me, I'm the sort of person to apologize for everything and nothing, so I'd have no problem saying "Hey, I really didn't think this was any big deal. I wasn't out to do anything behind your back or anything, and I'm sorry if me doing this hurt you in any way." But if he decides to keep the wall up, I'd say just move on. Lex
