So I was shopping for a bikini bottom last night for the pool party I'm going to in a couple of weeks (found a really cute sexy one!) and I was kind of bummed that I didn't need to buy the top. And so I was laying in bed last night thinking about how great it would be to have a couple of girls of my own. It just felt right. But my dilemma is this: I am also very vain and I really like sex. As I am right now, I am very attractive to boys (some, anyway; enough!) and I LOVE being attractive. And I don't think I would be half as attractive as a girl. Straight boys aren't terribly into T girls and gay men are attracted to, well, men. So it would seem to leave me in a bit of a catch-22. Also, I'm not really jonesing for a vagina (apologies if I get too explicit here). My discovery of the P-spot has given me orgasms very similar to what women have described to me; similar enough, anyway, to satisfy the jealousy I've always had when they talk about it. In other words, I haven't even had sex with a boy yet (in 30 years anyway!) and I'm already sexually satisfied; the itch I've been trying to scratch for decades has been soothed. And I've already made some new girlfriends! Straight women seem to be very accepting. So it's not like I need an actual vagina to feel some of the closeness to women that I always felt I was lacking as a straight man. I know I'm basically a straight woman in a man's body. But what direction that takes me is what I'm beginning to ponder. It's not like I don't know what the options are. It's just that, on the one hand, I don't want to make a life-altering choice that I end up regretting later (it happens) and on the other, I don't want to lie on my death bed and say, "What if...." Just looking for your thoughts, whatever they may be. Thanks!
I'm not sure exactly what you're looking for, but you sound fairly content as you are. If you had Gender Identity Disorder, you would experience varying levels of gender dysphoria--it depends on the person. Do you experience depression because you're physically male? Wanting to wear womens clothes doesn't make you transsexual, you might be a crossdresser or gender queer. There are such things as tomboy transsexuals, after all. Clothes are a part of gender roles, which are a social construct. Gender identity is completely separate. It's important to know the difference before you jump to any conclusions. I may not wear skirts, pink, or want blonde hair and I may never want to, but that doesn't mean that I don't have a female gender identity. Male-to-Female transsexuals rarely want to become Barbie--despite what the stereotypes claim.
I must not be expressing myself well. It's not the clothes that I want (though I do prefer them), it's the female body itself! I dream about having boobs! Yes, I am fairly content, but that's probably because I'm a realist. I would also love to pitch in the majors, but I was not blessed with a 95 MPH fastball. I don't know, maybe that's not a perfect analogy, but it's the best I have right now.... I just don't see any point in being depressed about it (or about anything else I can't fully realize), as I'm still too busy being elated about giving myself permission to do things like paint my toes and wear whatever underwear I damn well please! lol
There's something important you need to realize, though. These feelings won't go away. In fact, they've been proven to grow more intense with age, so long as they aren't getting treated. It's your choice, of course, but you should think about seeking help from a therapist.
Oh, I got one of those! She's FANTASTIC. I'm just beginning to feel my way through all of this, so I'm not putting any pressure on myself to figure anything out immediately. I've spent 40 years on this planet wondering who the hell I am and it's just so wonderful to finally be figuring it out! PS, which is to say that all the anxiety and depression were due to suppressing all this. Now that I'm accepting it, that's all beginning to subside.
I know how that feels and I'm happy that you're putting in a good effort into helping yourself. That's where it all starts. For me, I felt like I stuck for eight years because I was trying to deny who I really was. When I finally, truly, accepted it, it was like being reborn.
I'm 22 and I feel like the pressure is on to figure out what I am... and that's not even accounting for how effed my life will be if I commit to my female tendencies. I'm ALREADY concerned and made fun of for being naturally feminine, nevermind increasing that...
The problem with suppressing your gender identity, DoriaN, is that it still manages to creep through. In the long run, it causes a lot of mental trauma that can take years to undo. Not to mention that you may get to the point where you begin shutting off your emotions, so you don't have to feel the anguish and pain anymore. Recovering your ability to properly express yourself takes a lot of time too. I'm speaking from experience here, so take it if you wish to avoid problems later.
It's really hard... my family and extended family could never support me... I'm always afraid and self-concious, even just sitting on the public bus or buying something from a corner store... It's already gotten to the point that I'll get drunk and cry all night, and since I live at home I can't express or do anything openly... I just really don't know what to do anymore, pity party aside I'm trying to find ways to cope.
Ok two things first off why do you think that your family would not support you? Families are often more supportive then you think. Secondly drowning yourself in a bottle is not good. It doesnt help the problem and adds many new ones. Trust me I tried it when my former wife ran off with my best friend. It helps nothing and will take you places you dont want to go. Please try to stop and if you cannot on your own seek help. Trust me there are much safer and better ways to cope then drinking your life away.
My family and entire extended family are devoted Christians. Not that that itself is a problem at all, it's just when they find samesex stuff to be "bad", I think it might be a tad bit more than hard to go "Well say hey mom and da! Guessssssssss what!?". My own sister whom is very cool/accepting of everything thinks girlxgirl is gross/sickening. I've debated on telling her since I could trust her to not tell mom or dad but she also loves me an I don't want to be... ruined in her mind... I care to much to bother her or anyone so I figured I could keep it a secret. I could move out, act and do what I want, then play the role my parents see me as when I visit. Like it's hard to explain my sister, I once told her I wanted a nose stud and to get my bellybutton pierced and I told her I was afraid, and she said that I shouldn't let it bother me and that if people hate it's their fault... Now that seems kinda hypocritical since she finds samesex stuffs 'icky' but this is why I have trouble explaining her xD I might slowly try to pursuade her at a later time, but for now I've resolved to keep quiet. That's the short story part of it, also as for the alcohol I'm not some crazy alcoholic or anything, I'll just have some glasses of wine, be listening to music and start feelin sad. I cry easily so it's not like I'm destroying myself, heck I cried during Toy Story 2... >_> It's just a way to kinda let myself get out a bit if in a salty sad way, but I always talk to someone during that time and their consolement helps... and I end up sleeping rather well hat same night... Atleast I despise drugs and smoking, so I figure this one ill isn't all that bad =\
You sound a lot like me from a long time ago, to be honest. My family are devoted Christians, so I was afraid of coming out to them too. My sister was also my closest ally and even I was afraid to come out to her. Everyone, though, accepted me when I finally did come out. Just because someone is Christian, doesn't mean that they're closed-minded and hate everything that doesn't fit into the 1950's idea of a perfect family. Granted, there are people out there like that, but your family may surprise you.
My father is a very kind man, but he can also be very dumb for someone who is soooo smart. My mother isn't very good at talking or arguing, and she can be very critical of odd things. While they love gay people, they hate their 'sin'. They're not homophobes, but chances are they'd likely disown me. Tbh, I don't blame them, weird isn't it? We all love each other, but it's like fiddler on the roof... you have to pick between your faith and your family. The love will always be there, but I think they'd be so distraught that terrible things might happen. My parents, like any couple who have been married for 22 years, fight. There have been some choice times when they almost contemplated divorce, but they remain faithful and try their best through thick and thin. If I told them how I am, i think it might put so much pressure that it could tear them apart, best case scenario I'm kicked out of the house and I'll visit them like once a year. I couldn't do that. Then again yes they may surprise me, my only hope right now is to read the Bible backwards and forwards, to pick apart everything that might condemn the way I am, and to see if there is controversy and to somehow convince them. Faith aside... I don't think they could ever mentally get over it, they'd never be able to understand or perceive the change. Of all the ways it could go down I've truly believe it could go almost any, but I can't let out... I musn't.
