i am a scared gay christian

Ok to start with you are making steps on overcoming the fear just by posting here. Its small steps that will help you get out there. As for being christian well I will be honest I am by no means christian any longer but I used to help teach a bible study at an evangelical church and I have a decent knowledge of the bible. Now if you have questions about this from a biblical prospective I can do my best to give answers from that view point. As for the fear since you are a believer remember God loves you as you are and has a plan for you. Now I suggest not only looking up a few good books on the topic but if you have not done so already pray. Give this up to God so you dont take the burden alone. Things get better and remember you have plenty of people here at EC that are willing to support you.

 

Hey I am a Christian, and I am gay. It is certainly not easy. It's the reason I never dealt with it and was in denial a year ago. I thought it was quite the monumental sin.

However, since last year and the way that Chely Wright and Jennifer Knapp publicly came out (moreso Jennifer Knapp on the Christian end of things) I've been slowly coming out of my own dark closet to myself.

In studying what I can find (and I've done a lot of reading) on the matter of homosexuality in the bible, I am coming to the conclusion through prayer and following my heart, that the utmost commandment is love.

When you look at sin, and the way it hurts you or someone else, every sin is the neglect to act in love. When you think of homosexuality - how is it hurting anyone? The only thing that would hurt a homosexual is the intense emotional pain of trying to overcome it, hide it, and the shame of feeling oppressed by society.

That's the conclusion I've come to in a nutshell. You can PM me if you have more questions or want to talk about it on the spiritual side of things. On the other hand, I'm like you in that I'm not really out to anyone yet. I'm still working through it and coming out to myself more fully and learning to accept it. A big part of that was reconciling being gay with christianity. You might want to check out GCN - The Gay Christian Network

 

Hi Jake,

I saw your post and wanted to offer my support if you need it. I've recently come to terms with my faith as a Christian and my sexuality - I'm actually feeling a call to ministry of all things. Go big or go home right?

All that to say, do not be afraid- God is with us. He does not want us to live in guilt or shame- those things rob ourselves of Him and one another. You aren't alone. As coastgirl said above, I don't think it's easy to be a Christian and gay, as most people on all sides of the issue seem say you can't be both.

I'm still figuring out a lot myself, but have decided that the best place to begin this journey is in my community of faith. I am a member of an open and affirming Baptist church and there are many LGBT congregants, several couples, both gay and lesbian, who have long term partnerships/marriages and godly relationships. I'm sure you have a million concerns.

What's your background? Where are you at in all of this right now?

I'm way overdue for bed, but am here if you need to talk.

Justin

 

I highly encourage you to read this page. It has helped me tremendously, especially the doctrinal part since I've grown up in a largely fundamentalist church.
What the Bible Says - And Doesn't Say - About Homosexuality

It's only been in the past couple of months that I've come to terms with my homosexuality, and one of the main reasons I hid from myself for so long was because of its seeming contradiction to my faith. Even though I've worked everything out logically in my mind, I still have that pit in my stomach that what I'm doing is wrong. I feel like it's not because homosexuality is a sin. I've never actually felt bad about being attracted to the same sex. I can only think it's because I've been conditioned to think it's wrong, that what I'm doing is not the norm and thus not God's will.

It's getting better everyday though. I'm becoming more comfortable with myself. I'm looking forward to joining an accepting church. I feel like once I'm around people who support me, that conflict within me will disappear.

Like the others above, feel free to message me. We're all here to support each other.

 

Welcome to EC!

Like everyone else already mentioned, you can perfectly keep your faith and be true to yourself if you want. God loves your for who you are and how can love between two people be a sin?

Struggling with your faith and sexuality and be really tough, but as you can already see you are far from alone.

I'm a documentary junkie so what really helped me with dealing with this issue was to read/watch as much as I could about the whole topic. Here are some great videos that might interest you:

Through My Eyes. It has a pretty informal feel to it and its based solely on interviews with other gay christians and their experiences.
[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBMbNSyqwkA[/YOUTUBE]

For The Bible Tells Me So. This is a more formal documentary that touches on the different interpretations of certain bible verses that are used against homosexuals. The best part of the documentary, though, is that it follows 4 different religious families and their experience with their kids coming out to them.
[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajBR0dq0XXk[/YOUTUBE]

Glad that you were able to tell your friend

 

i saw the "for the bible tells me so" doc. it was good. i liked it. i didnt see the ohter one. that looks good too. i'm christian and the gay thing has been hard to deal with. honestly, i dont see what the big deal is. some people like peopel with red hair or blondes. some people like people of the same sex. you can't really help who you like. the big dilemna though is that you are not "condemned" for liking a blonde. but if you are a guy and that blonde person happens to be a guy, then you're condemned and bashed or told, that you must spend your entire life either alone or spend your entire life hating yourself and trying to force yourself to like something you don't. wow, that sounds fun. i dont really have the answer. what i do know is, that i dont think God would make me just to hate me. I also know that God knows everything about us and he knew you were going to be going through this even before you were born. most people have been fighting these feelings since they were kids. all i can say is just do your own research, pray to God for yoruself, and read the Bible for yourself. All these so-called church people that bash gays, makes no sense to me because I haven't read where Jesus bashed people. In fact, he spent time around the so-called "undesirables" that the religious folks wouldn't dare be around. I believe that God can use anyone and it's often the most unexpected people that end up being the ones that he uses because they are humble in spirit. Be Blessed.

 

Would Jesus Discriminate?

A great site with specific bible references.

 

If your God really loves you, he'll accept you just the way yo are. Same for your dad, but give him time to adjust. For more support,, try the It Gets better Project. Meantime, good luck!!!

 

Welcome to EC! As you're no doubt finding out, your path is one perhaps more trodden than many would expect. It sounds like you're more or less in a good spot when it comes to reconciling your sexuality with your religion. That leaves the more immediate problem of how to let those close to you know.

For churches and other "groups" that have a major homophobic bent, keep in mind that much of the homophobia feeds on itself through what you might call "the condemnation of the 'other'." It's fairly easy to demonize a group of people when you believe there's nobody in your "circle" that belongs to that group. To these people, homosexuals are "them" - some nebulous group of people they believe (or pray) that they never come in contact with. And so they're free to not only demonize the people in that group, but also paint them with an exceptionally broad brush. It's odd how often these people both claim to have a lot of knowledge about what homosexuals are and do, at the same time that they claim to be completely separate and distinct from us.

When somebody within their group comes out, as you're hoping to do, you're forcing a major rethink. To them, gays are "them"...but you're telling them that their Christian circle and the gay circle actually overlap somewhere. Given this, people have several options on how to react.

* Deny the premise. This one is common, mainly because if it's successful, it retains the paradigm. If you're not really gay, then you can go back to being a "good Christian", gays can continue being "that group of bad people over there", and their life returns to normal. So you might run into a lot of people going this route, in a variety of guises. "You're probably just confused." "Something or other has you THINKING you're gay, but you're not." "Have you tried praying? Maybe the priest can pray for you, and help you get over this."

It sounds like at least part of your family went that route, in some guise. They took you down a path that led you to recant the idea that you were gay, thus restoring the paradigm to the way it was.

* Reassign you to the "other". In short, they'll decide you're "one of them homos", and reject you as "one of our circle". Usually, people don't go this route until after they've tried the denial road, and it's taken once they realize they can't go back to the old paradigm. It's most common in people who both adhere strictly to the letters of the law, and who don't know the person in question that well. It's a lot easier to demonize somebody you don't know that well, where you can just say "Ends up this guy I didn't know very well was 'one of them'." It's chosen because it changes the paradigm the least - they just reassign the label on one person, write them off, and continue on with their lives. Thankfully, this isn't as common as we might fear. I won't say it never happens, but it seems most people seem able to shift their thinking when they're forced to.

* Rethink their beliefs. This one is the toughest for the groups. Because it forces them to think "If THIS belief is wrong, what OTHER things do I believe are also wrong?" So it's perhaps not surprising that people are reluctant to go down that road. Luckily, it seems most people eventually find it within themselves to do so. It may take some time, and there may be a lot of dumb questions, but it seems those closest to us are able to take the path eventually.

That said, there's no simply way to go about this. You don't say how old you are, but if you're still in school, you might wait until you're out of school to come out, where it's easier to build a new support network should the current one fail. You certainly don't have to, but it's definitely an option. You've told one person who seems supportive, so start with him and with us, and work on building up your confidence in who you are.

Lex

 

the link with the documentary with young peeople was really good. wish i would have seen it when i was their age. there are a lot of people going through what you are going through as you can see on the tape. the tape was good because they had some kids that you could "suspect" were gay and some you couldn't tell. seeing the sadness and the pain in one of the kids eyes was hard to take. it hurt to see him hurt. so that's why it annoys me when i see and hear Christians bash gay people or people that are confused about their sexuality because they do not know all the hurt that people go through over this. it's so sad that in a place that is supposed to feel loving, there are people there that feel so much pain over something they are trying everything they can do to change but can't. i think the bigger secret is that if people in general (inside the church adn outside the church) were more open about sexuality, i think there would be less confused people out there. if i had known growning up that it was perfectedly normal to have thoughts on both guys and girls being a guy, then i would not have bashed myself so much inside or worried about being gay. i would just have accepted that and moved on. if i knew that there were straight guy teachers, coworkers, friends, clergy, etc. that also had attractions to other guys, it would have made me feel like, "ok, this happens sometimes and its ok, no biggie." but the problem is everyone keeps this big secret and therefore, the cycle of hurt, fear, shame, and sadness continues.

 

The Christian faith in it's purest form does not condone judgment of others! Remember the whole "Let he without sin cast the first stone" story? It really says a lot about how we should treat others. That is not to say that being gay is a sin. But even if you come across someone who thinks it is, if they are a true Christian they will hate the sin but still love the sinner. It really burns me when people claim to be so pious and religious and then treat others like crap just because they are different! True hypocrites!

 

Hey buddy, it’s nice to meet another LGBTQ Christian. And I am a PROUD Christian. I never once struggled in terms of my sexuality and my Lord. Other people do and that’s their view. God has Blessed me and made me a certain way. True, I am coming to terms that I too am different, like you, but my spirit has no quarrel with that. I struggle more with getting out there, dating, being “out”, labelling and so forth but not once have I hurt because I felt I was not God’s child in His eyes, for He made me so special. In many cultures, namely Aboriginal/Native American, those like us (LGBTQ) have been blessed by God the Great Spirit to understand both sides of sexuality and thus we have been divinely titled “Double Spirited” for we understand both the masculine and the feminine while someone hetero might only understand that one side of their biological sex. But I am being long winded now...

Point is, I am Christian and LGBTQ identified. I do not, for one second, believe God hates “Fags”...He Loves me. The Lord died for me and you, believer and non-beleiver. And I will never stop loving Him. Never. He loves me for I am His brother as you are...

The sad thing is religion is man-made as a way of understanding God, but no human can understand God. God has no religion. We try to do God’s will and sometimes that can cause our fellow man to disagree with us (ie. Church of Westboro) and that can lead to violence, ignorance, injustice, intolerance, and hatred. But remember this always; God is all that is GOOD in the world- God cannot hate. It is impossible. Thus, God does not hate you, me, or the LGBTQ Community. Find your OWN relationship with the Lord and nothing will be stronger than that bond. No one, NO ONE, will ever be able to break it. Nothing stronger than that.

 

Well that is not a bad idea really as if you dont want him to know its you he wont. However if you do send the letter what are you hoping to gain by doing so? Do you hope he will bring it up in say a bible study? Do you think you will then later tell him it was you? Its hard to give advice without knowing what you want the letter to do for you.

 

Typically speaking, pastors have a definitive stance on homosexuality, so I'm not exactly sure what he/she could tell you that you don't already know. You probably have a good idea of where they stand, and advice about these things is typically best done in person, not in anonymity, because otherwise you'll just get their nebulous answer. I very highly doubt it will start any sort of witch hunt since that's not how any sort of legitimate person of faith approaches things. That said, it couldn't hurt to ask them.

I spoke about my concerns to a family friend and church leader back in May, and to be honest, it didn't do me much good because I already knew where he would stand: in opposition. I myself am still looking for someone I can talk to.