I'm not sure if this should be in Health or not. I also apologise if its too descriptive or detailed, I'm just quite concerned and want to give as much information as possible so you can get a clear picture. I've recently starting seeing this guy. I feel totally relaxed with him, comfortable and not at all pressured to perform or anything. He's probably the nicest guy I've ever met. So far every time we've done anything sexual, I've been unable to cum at all. He doesn't cum quickly either, but I stop and tell him its fine after I've helped him get off. I don't know what's up and I'm hoping someone has some insight. The first time we got together in that way, we'd had a few drinks, so I put it down to that. But every time since then, I've been totally sober. Like I've said, I feel no stress with him, and don't have much stress in my life in general. I thought at first that might be it, but I can't see how if I don't have any. I can tell, well I know because he's said, that he really wants to be able to help me out. I've assured him its nothing to do with him, because it isn't, in fact It happened with the last guy I was seeing too. I came but only after a long long time. Its becoming frustrating for him. For the last month or two, I haven't felt horny at all when I've been alone or woken up. I used to masturbate once or twice a day. I haven't felt the urge to do so at all. I forced myself to do it once a couple of weeks ago to prove to myself I was still capable of doing so and everything happened and worked normally. When I'm with the guy I'm seeing, I get turned on and I have no trouble getting hard. I find him incredibly attractive. I know it at least works down there... Has anyone had anything similar or got any suggestions? I'd really like to be able to enjoy being with him as much as he does with me.
Two quick questions. 1. You say you haven't been horny at all as of late. I take it this is an unusual thing? Back in your "masturbate once or twice a day" days, no issues getting horny, getting hard, getting off? 2. You say this happened (more or less) with the last guy you were seeing as well. Have you ever been with a guy where you've been able to get off without much problem? Lex
erm, 1. Yes its unusual for me. I've never had issues getting hard, I don't now, I just have to either be with a guy or focus on porn or something. 2. I've been able to get off without problems in the past when I've been with someone however Its always taken me a while, but lately its getting to the point of ridiculous. I literally have to 'take over' and finish myself which can take so long and isn't fun for the people I'm with and is causing a little frustration. Which doesn't help at all.
Well, it does seem this thing tends to feed on itself. Whatever the cause originally, you start thinking "I hope I can finish tonight"...and that nervousness/uneasiness never helps matters any. Two suggestions. 1. If you're not horny these days, accept that. Let your partner know. "I've just been on a major low as of late. But I'd love to get you off." Then, do it. 2. Also accept the fact that you might have some performance anxiety issues. Again, let your partner know, do whatever you like, make sure he gets off, and then either have him hold you while you stroke yourself off, or don't even bother. Enjoy the non-orgasmic portion (which kicks ass, too) and wait until later (or next time around) for your orgasm. 3. If you remain un-horny for the next month, you might check in with your doctor to make sure there's nothing else going on. Lex
Have you been using condoms? My boyfriend has difficulty cumming when he is using a condom, even staying hard to finish the job. We don't use condoms but when he is having sex with another girl he is really turned on and attracted to (we have sort of an open relationship, we are commonly known as swingers) and it really frustrated him and his sex partner... Maybe that is the issue??
