I've had an extremely hard time opening myself up to people for a while. I've met many gay people who are willing to talk and become my friends. But it always seems like they are in that friendship for something (i.e. sex, fantasies, self-appraisal, etc). And my first (and only so far) boyfriend seemed to only want sex, which I denied him. Since then, I've found it hard to make any real gay guy friends. I'm afraid that I will have repeats of the past or find people who aren't respectful of what I believe. Also, I've always felt like they lead me on and then throw out that they already have a bf or aren't interested. Help?
Well the first thing to remember is that deal with people in and over itself is a risk. There are douche bags out there and there is not getting around that. Can you explain what you mean by they always seems to want something though. I mean to me every friendship is a give and take. If I got nothing from being around a person well whats the point? I mean I will use my best friend for example. Me and him make each other laugh and tend to get each other like no one else. He is calm where I tend to get hot headed and I will always get him to talk when he clams up. Its a give and take between us. The relationship helps us both and we enjoy hanging out. If we didnt have that give and take what would be the point? I mean maybe I am missing what you are saying but any relationship I have known of requires something from all involved. Now can I ask what exactly you are looking for help with? Opening up? Where to find friends that might fit your values? How to better judge the people you meet so you dont get hurt again?
you are dealing with dudes and not girls. most of them are going to want to screw and will tell you what you want to hear so they can have sex with you. they do the same to girls. not all, but many. so you just have to look for the signs. what is their conversation about...is it sex related off the bat? are they sending you nude pics? if you start down a sexually charged path initially you can't expect things to get all innocent later. do you get the sense that they want thigns fast? these are all signs to pump your brakes and that you are dealing with a loser. if you have one of those glbt centers around you, try that. also, try volunteering with other gays. let's face it, the odds of someone sex freak being in the volunteer group are smaller. so you may have better luck there. the best way to meet friends anywhere is to find something where you two have a common interest and where you have to see the person frequently. so check out volunteering things that you can do wiht other gay young adults.
