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How Do I Come Out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by neversaycant, Jul 27, 2011.

  1. neversaycant

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Massachusetts
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I'm a lesbian, and I've recently become very comfortable with my sexuality. I'm 15 and I struggled with it through junior high and my first year of high school (I"ll be a sophomore) but have finally accepted myself for who I am. I've also decided that I want to come out to all of the people who are important to me by the end of the year (parents, siblings, friends, teammates, etc...).

    I'm just having a problem figuring out how or when to tell them. I want to tell my twin sister first. She's the person I'm closest to and I want her to be the first person I tell. After her I'll probably tell my brother, then my parents. After them I'll tell my friends and teammates.

    I don't know how I'm going to tell them though. Is there a good way to bring it up casually? I'm sure they'll all be okay with it. My brother and sister are accepting, and I think they'll take it okay. It might be more difficult for my sister because we're so alike and this would be a big difference between us (unless she's gay too, which I think would be awesome), but overall I don't think she'd look at me any different. My friends and all of the girls on my soccer team are very accepting and have even mentioned that it's okay if any of us like girls. My parents are liberal and accepting and have always said they'll love me no matter what.

    The only person I can think of who wouldn't take it well is my Grammy, who is homophobic and racist. She lives with us and is always saying "white is right" and just about died when we would tease her about her cat being gay (he would snuggle up with all of our boy cats, but never the girls). I figure I just won't tell her until I or my parents think of a way to handle her.

    So do you have any advice on how I can casually let people know that I'm gay? I'm not the type of person who can sit down with someone face to face and have a meaningful conversation, so casual is probably my best bet.

    With my sister I've been trying to just blurt it out and say it, but I can't find the right moment to tell her.

    My brother always jokes with me about a waitress I like (we talk about how one day she and I will live together and she'll cook meals for me while I make her toast - because I'm a terrible chef) and I thought I could just slip my actual attraction towards her into the conversation.

    I was thinking with my parents I could mention it during a car ride or something, but the only problem is I want us to be alone and it's hard to be with my parents without my twin sister being there too.

    My friends I would like to tell in a group at maybe one of our usual sleepovers or at practice, I just don't know how to say it.

    Any advice/support is welcomed. Thank you!
     
  2. Bibliophile

    Full Member

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    Ok finding the words is something I think ANY of us that have tried to come out have struggled with. I also think that the "right time" is impossible because we tend in our fear to make up reasons as to why now isnt a good time. For your sister you could try mentioning a hot actress on tv if you watch it together. Or if you share a room maybe leave some LGBT info around where she might find it. Or if you want to write it out just write a note of whatever comes to mind and leave it for her.

    You seemed to have a decent plan for your brother. As for your parents well I suggest talking to them alone and just saying Mom, Dad, I am attracted to girls. Its not a phase, I am not experimenting, I am sure of this and I wanted to let you know so I can be myself.
    I also suggest letting your parents guide you on Grammy because that will be a rough one.
    As for your team well that I am not sure. Give me some time to think and maybe someone with more experience will come along with some advice there. Just keep your head high and remember things are most often not as scary as they seem to be.
     
  3. KaotikPrincess

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Have you ever thought about some crafty way to tell them like making a video for each individual (parents, brother, sister, etc.) Just sit them down in a private room and slip it into the computer or dvd player, push play and leave lol.

    Or you could try writing a letter or an email, sometimes it's hard to find the words in person so if you write it up you will have all the time in the world to figure out what you want to say, give it to them and tell them to wait until you are not there to read it, they can have time to read it and think about it and even maybe process it to where when you are there they can talk to you about it calmly.

    These are a couple of ideas I have heard here and there that have worked, but if you really want to tell them in person just remember to stay calm, remind them of who you are (their daughter, sister, etc.) and tell them how much you love them. They may or may not react in a way you expect but I am sure they will love you just the same.

    Good luck, I hope it's cake! (*hug*)