I am 19 and still halfway living with my parents. My step mother is the only one who is the least bit supportive of me being gay and usually lets me go see my boyfriend. However she has become bitchy because i've been trying to be more independent, and she, along with my father, think that I must tell them everything or else they will kick me out of the house. Which i could go live with my mother it wouldn't be that bad but I'd lose a lot of money for college. That and I wont get to see my boyfriend at all, because my mother thinks I'm possessed by deamons and doesn't want to assist in a "crime". I want to see him sooooo bad because i will be away from home for two weeks to go work in IL. I don't know what to do... i'm mad right now and can't make a good disision on my own.. need advice..
Ok the first thing you need to do to find a way to relax. Then can you explain what you mean by halfway living with your parents? Now there is little choice but to follow there rules while you live with them or you risk losing a place to stay and moving to a less understanding home. So there are really three options that you have. A) Try to talk with them in a mature manner so that you can get a little breathing room. B) Move out on your own as soon as you can. C) take the risk of sneaking around their rules. First off I would go with trying to figure out why they are being so restrictive and how you can get them to lighten up. Can you explain how they are being so stifling?
I think you should look at your priorities and put them in order (not saying they aren't in order but maybe this will help remind you) 1. College - School is pretty important, especially for your future, if your parents want you to tell them everything in order for them to keep providing your college tuition for you then I suggest you just try and deal with it, I guess? Plus they might lay off a little bit in the future. 2. Boyfriend - I know it's hard to refrain from seeing your boyfriend but if he really cares about you he will understand, and after you graduate from college, if you both still feel as strongly for each other, then you can have a real relationship If your boyfriend and your gay pride is more important to you than school then by all means, move in with your mom, (I'm assuming she supports you?). It is nice to have a supportive parent at this time of your life, if your father and step-mom don't agree and cut off your schooling tuition then the hell with them, you can always go back to school in the future on your own time, it may be harder but I am sure that if you really want to finish school eventually then you will find a way to go back! I hope this helped (*hug*)
I was wondering if you could tell us a bit more about what mean by your step mom being bitchy. How close are you with her and your dad. I want to get a sense of how overbearing she is because, honestly, this sounds pretty normal to me. I think everyone has this phase with their parents. There was definitely a time when bitchy was exactly how I would describe my mom. I remember going off to college and wanting to be more independent. This causes a lot of heartache in my family. My parents, especially my mom, were not ready to let go and still treated me like I was 12. I would blow up at them whenever they made suggestions about my life or even small things like telling me how to cook something and I angrily dismissed all of their advice. I am not older and a bit more settle in my relation with my parents. I look back and think that I was actually kind of abusive to them, whereas as at the time I thought they were the problem. Try to empathize with the fact that they are struggling just like you are to figure out the boundaries of your relationship. I realize that this is a lot to ask you and at the time I suspect I would have blow off this advice, but something I always tell myself is to be generous with my parents. Because of the emotional baggage tied up everyone's relationship with their parents, we tend to condemn in them what we would tolerate in anyone else. I think this will only impede you from getting what you want. Talk to them. Tell them what you need. See what they need. I hope this all works out for you. If it is any consolation, eventually they will let go, but you can't expect them to do this in one fell swoop.
School comes above all else. If your only means of paying for school is your parents, you need to find a way to keep your relationship under the radar. You can keep in contact over the internet using Skype or AIM or something else like that. But for God's sake, your boyfriend isn't worth throwing away free school money.
