So I have some gay friends. I've given up trying to come out for the moment because it's too hard. But what I want to do is have a conversation with them about any gay related topic. (which would be almost like coming out for me, because they definitely know I'm gay, they're just not saying anything because I haven't). Anyway I have trouble even doing that. Today there was something I wanted to talk about. I rehearsed what to say over and over in my head. I felt so ready to say everything. But then the moment I see the person I want to talk to, my will disappears, my mouth refuses to open and my heart starts racing. I need to keep the anxiety away until I can get some words out of my mouth. Or force it out somehow? I don't know how to do it. I keep trying and keep failing. It's not a matter of waiting til I'm ready or whatever because I've been trying for a few years now.
(*hug*) What sort of things do you want to talk about with them? Anyway, there are a few things that I recommend to decrease anxiety. The first is to do a relaxation/visualization exercise every night or morning (you can look some up online or I can PM one to you). That decreases your baseline anxiety which means your spikes won't be as high. The second thing you can do is to prepare and rehearse for situations that are high-anxiety for you. The more you've done something in your head, the easier it is to do in real life. Finally, when you go into those situations, breathe slowly and deeply, and distract yourself by paying attention to your surroundings. Chances are, once you start talking, it'll get easier, too.
Well there's this rainbow flag of my officemate on the wall, and my other new officemate was asking me what it meant (he didn't know). So I was explaining to him in general terms what it represented....that was fine. Anyway so what I wanted to do later was to describe this whole incident to my friend. I did rehearse it in my head many many times. But when i saw him I felt scared and didn't even want to talk about it anymore.
If you're experiencing that degree of anxiety, therapy might be a good idea. Of course, you'd have to talk to your therapist about gay stuff, which would probably be hard for you, but if you can do it I think you'd benefit enormously.
yes this is the problem. I've thought for a long time about seeing someone but again when it comes down to actually doing it I can't, for the same reason. But I definitely find it easier to talk to people I know that a stranger...I think being able to talk to my friends is a more attainable goal right now than getting into a counsellors office.
Maybe you should write down what you want to say and just hand it to the person in the office. That, or write it down and hand it to a counsellor when you go for your first appointment. You need to figure out how to get over this, and talking about the fact that you have a problem is the only way you're going to overcome the problem.
I really like Jim's idea about writing it down. You might not even give it to anyone to start. I found it an interesting experience when for the first I wrote in my diary "I am gay" for the first time there was evidence that I had purposefully created outside of myself that I was gay. I can't quite describe it but it was as if in writing down my secret, I was getting it off my chest. Writing also helped me articulate what I felt. I used to have a lot of negative and unproductive emotions over being gay and writing forced me to figure out why I felt this way and what were the various layers of emotions and fears. If you don't feel comfortable leaving writing around, remember you can always post here.
