Hi, this is my first post, probably the first time I wrote about being gay. I was born with cerebral palsy and used a wheelchair sense before I could remember. And I always felt very distant from people, I never really had any real friends when I was in grade school. But I was general happy and very was close to my tight nit family. When I was about 17 I discovered I was gay. Prior to this I did not think I had a sexuality. I certainly wasn't interested in girls. And I wasn't suppose to be attracted to men. Growing up the perception of gay men that they were these fluttery things that lived in far off places like New York or L.A. Certainly not any one from my hometown of Nowhere, TX. And mot certainly not a little crippled boy like my self. At the time I was a lot more scared and confused than I am now. Over the years I gradually built up confidence in my self to come out to myself. The time I spent living on my own help me a lot in understanding myself. I feel that its time for me to come out of the closet to my family. But I still feel awkward when I say it out loud. And resources for disabled LGBT people are so few and far between. I just have this sinking feeling being gay and juggling a disability is going to be extra difficult to deal with.
First off, hi and welcome to EC! I can only imagine how difficult your upbringing must have been living with cerebral palsy and being gay at the same time. This forum is a safe community that will do its best to help you with whatever you're going through. I'm glad to hear your self-confidence has been boosted up. Being gay and disabled is no easy matter, I'm hoping other members of the forum will be able to help you further.
Hello. I am sorry about your disability. It's one thing growing up and dealing with the challenges of cerebral palsy, but another thing dealing with homosexuality. I'm sure it's been a long road and you still have a long road ahead of you. I know that after you finally decide to come out after all these years that you will survive any obstacles to come with your disability and homosexuality because you are a survivor, you have lived through all these years with cerebral palsy, who's to say you can't live through anything now?! I am happy you have come in touch with yourself and are preparing yourself to come out to the people you care about, and I wish you luck... you deserve it! (*hug*)
I don't have cerebral palsy, but I was born with a birth defect that left me at the very least "funny-looking" (not the way my classmates put it, of course) and hard of hearing. So I can understand growing up different from everyone else. And then finding out you're even more different. I was a bookstore earlier today, and I noticed that LGBT literature really is fairly limited. But I've found that the internet, particularly this site, is a good place to start if you have questions. If I may, I'd like to reiterate the previous posters' welcome and hug. :welcome: (*hug*)
Hi there, and welcome to EC. You've come to the right place. If you're working on coming to terms with and accepting your orientation, keep at it. Keep saying it out loud to yourself until it DOESN'T sound funny to you. Hang out here until you really do come to realize and accept that gay people are pretty awesome! Being gay with a disability may be a challenge. But some of us are gay and dealing with addiction. Some of us are gay and come from horrible or abusive childhoods. Many of us are gay in addition to having other challenges in our lives, and we make it through - which is I'm sure what you will do as well. Again - welcome to EC!
Welcome, and thanks for sharing your story. I think feeling awkward at first about saying (or even typing) that you're gay is pretty normal - I went through the same stage myself. And to be honest, sometimes it still does feel a bit awkward to talk about it, depending on the situation. But I found that spending time at forums like this one helped me become more comfortable with it. To be honest, it's probably true that coming out as gay, as a person with a disability, might be extra difficult. Some of the students with disabilities I have worked with have told me that they often aren't taken seriously, or that they're treated like children. So you might find that some people will try to tell you that you don't know your own sexuality, that you're confused, etc. (which are many of the same things that young people without disabilities are told when they try to come out, too). So maybe be prepared to have to calmly and firmly re-assert yourself several times to some people before it finally gets through to them. As it happens, I read a blog written by a woman with CP who identifies as queer - it's called The Deal with Disability. She tends to post more about disability issues than LGBT, but you may be able to contact her and see if she can recommend any other web resources.
I would like to thank everyone for the advise. There is one thing I would like to clarify, having a disability (especially mild Cerebral Palsy) is not that horrible. I had a relativity normal childhood. I Don't think I had it that bad, my parents aways tried to raise me to be self impaired and independent. They work hard to keep me involved in family activities. Despite being raised catholic, I don't think they ever said things that make me feel bad about being gay (my parents being hard left spiritually and politically). And If and when I come out to them I think that they would reject me.
When I said it was probably a challenge to grow up with cerebral palsy what I mainly meant was that it must have been difficult to deal with the fact that you couldn't do a lot of things other people can do... I know what that feels like because I was crippled in a car accident when I was 17 so from then on I have not been able to do a lot of simple everyday tasks. It's hell but just gotta live it day by day, and I am thankful to be alive
Man... the way you talk is inspirational! It sounds as if you've found full acceptance of who you are and how you feel. I don't care if you're straight/gay/etc., it's very hard for anyone to come to term with him/herself the way you have. People like you can break me like twigs...not that you would - I'm a sucker for inspirational people. You know who you are and probably what you like about yourself (this is half a quote from one of my favorite show), that's all you'll ever need! Keep this incredible mindset and I'm so sure that your life will be awesome! Definitely better than the insecurity fest I've made of mine.
Thanks, But it took a bit of a crisis to realize I need to be honest a bout my self, and come out. The story is that I was in Architecture school until last May. And, oh boy was it hard. They make it so that you're encouraged to drop out. You had to work yourself with in an inch of your life to get a decent evaluation by professional critics. I was no exception! I spent three years working madly to finish my projects. some times spending days awake and popping Adderall like candy to make me stay awake and focused. It was my life. But it all fell apart in the end. I began to cut other classes to give more time to my studio project, and I lied to my parents about it. And at the end of the semester I was so tired and strung out that had a mental brake down, I couldn't finish that last major studio project. At my wits end I took my knife and poised it to go through one of my neck arteries, but I didn't have the willpower to do it. It was extremely difficult time for me, and I have aftershocks that still go through my mind. In the months after I reexamined my life and realized that had to be honest who I am, and what I could do. I decided to start coming out of the closet so I won't have to be uptight about pretending I don't have a queer shoulder. I mean, after that, coming out should be a piece of cake. Even if I'm in a dang wheelchair. Right?!? But the most maddening thing about the whole ordeal, if I could retake that studio class I would. In a heartbeat...
Welcome to EC! "Rampcase". That's excellent. As said above, keep working on saying it until it becomes second nature. Hanging out here some more might help. Most of us eventually get to the point where our sexuality is no big deal. Lex
