So I'll give everyone the abridged version. I was friends with a pretty aggressive but overall good person. But as time rolled on, I found out he was extremely homophobic, to the point where he would jokingly call people he knew "faggots" and "fruitcakes". At first, it didn't really bother me, since to him, it was his way of joking, but it did bother me that he held such strong views based on so little. Fast forward to the present, and I'm really fed up with him. His humor and personality are really shallow and I can't stand him. I just ignore his calls, and his rude remarks to my friends about me, as well as his messages on Facebook. But now he's starting to show up at my house, and demanding to see me. The past two times I was at work, but I really don't know what to do. I'm not out to all of my friends, and I certainly don't want to come out to him. If I did tell him, everyone in a 15,000 mile radius would know. Another point is that no matter what I tell him, he has a knack for menacing people he doesn't like (hacking your Facebook, instigating between friends, etc). Which is why Ive tried to ignore the issue for as long as I can. Does anyone have any advice?
Text him and find out what's going on with him. It's possible that he heard from someone else and feels hurt you didn't tell him yourself, or it's possible something else entirely is going on. It's also possible he doesn't have many good friends because of the way he is and counts you as one of his good friends and doesn't understand why you've suddenly blown him off. Either way, I don't think the issue will be resolved by ignoring him. You don't need to tell him you're gay (unless he directly asks you and then you have to decide whether or not to lie) but you probably do owe him to tell him why (even if it's a bogus reason) you aren't interested in spending time with him.
I have a friend who acted like a real d-bag a few years ago. he was also an instigator between friends. I just told him straight up he was being a jerk. He had already stirred up a bunch of turmoil, so it was a little rocky within my group for a few weeks. Things eventually cooled down, and we're close now. I have to agree with chip's advice here, you need to talk to him. you don't want to tell him ur gay, so just tell him he's acting like a jerk. Mercy's advice is also good haha.
Yeah, Chip's onto something, here. You're going to have to speak up if you have any hope of him leaving you alone. Even if you don't come out to him, you could just tell him you're tired of his bull and that you don't like him disrespecting large groups of people he doesn't know. He might stop if you say that, or at least cool it around you, but if he doesn't at least he knows why you're ignoring him
Well, I took a big risk. I told the friends who didn't already know just in case, and they ended up being fine with it ^.^ Then I told him, and after a long discussion, me and him are on even grounds. I'm hoping me and him can go back to being friends, but he has his own prejudices to sort out, and I have to see if he'll really change. But everything seems infinitely more brighter now!
