Hi everyone I'm new and this is my first post :icon_wink I think I knew I was gay the first time I heard the word. I had always been different, didn't like playing football wasn't really interested in girls etc. I'm pretty sure people suspect I am as they call me "gay" a bit but it's decreased recently as I toned myself down a bit :dry: I came out to my mum about two months ago and I regret it a lot. They haven't kicked me out or anything but she has pretty much told me she doesn't want anything to do with it. My dad is in full on denial and still points out hot girls like it will suddenly make me straight :bang:. I told them because I hoped to find support and acceptance, instead I just found denial and resentment. I have literally no one to talk to, I have quite a few friends I suppose but I usually keep distance with them all and I just can't see myself telling any of them. I plan to just come out to everyone in university you know fresh start and all. What I want to know is does it get better? Will there come a time when my parents accept or will they just not be a part of my life? Everytime I try to talk to them about it they unintentionally cut me down by exprerssing their disgust towards homosexuality which then sets me off crying like a four year old girl :tears: I guess I just needed a place to vent without fear of being harassed or rejected.
First off welcome to EC. Secondly yes it does get better. Since they have not responded too negativly your parents seem likely to come around. They are just in denial at the moment which is not an uncommon reaction. I would suggest though explaining that these comments hurt even if they cannot accept the matter fully at the moment. I am going to post a link that might be of use to you below and suggest you search the site as they have some great resources here. This a place full of great people and great advice to you now have a support network. Keep your head up and remember it does get better. http://www.hrc.org/documents/resourceguide_co.pdf
Thanks for the advice it's nice to feel support :icon_bigg I just think their idea of what being gay is is way off. They seem to believe that I'm going to spend my entire life alone and just have a string of random sexual encounters, I mean where do they get this crap from? :icon_sad:
It is a common misconception that all gay men are promiscuous and cannot maintain a commited relationship. It is not true of course but that is something that your parents just dont understand. I would suggest the next time they mention something like that, that you tell them not only is that idea false and hurtful but that they raised you to respect yourself more then that. I think this would give them pause and might help them see that you are still the same son that they have always raised.
Welcome to EC! >>>Everytime I try to talk to them about it they unintentionally cut me down by exprerssing their disgust towards homosexuality which then sets me off crying like a four year old girl I guess I just needed a place to vent without fear of being harassed or rejected. And, again, welcome to EC! I have a saying that I spout off every once in awhile - don't keep going back to a dry well for water. Your parents apparently aren't going to be a source of support in regards to your sexuality. Yeah, it'd be great if they were, but apparently they won't. So stop looking there. You presumably have friends who have different interests than you. You might be a hardcore Harry Potter fan, and have a friend who isn't a fan at all. So you probably don't talk to him about anything dealing with Harry Potter, simply because you don't have much common ground there. Talking Harry Potter with him would just make him roll his eyes, or give monosyllabic answers, or even get snippy or hostile. So you just talk about other things. In essence, that's what you should do with your parents. You don't have to lie about who you are, but simply don't discuss it with them anymore. When you need to discuss aspects of your sexuality, or have questions, you now have a different resource - us. On the whole, we're a supportive, informative, friendly bunch. We'll be your "Harry Potter fan" vis-a-vis your homosexuality. Lex
Funnily enough I'm a massive Harry Potter thanks so good comparison. I wish I had something like this before I came out as it probably would have made me think about it more but in a way I'm glad I told them. They know and now it is their choice to respond to it, I'd love to have them as a big part my life but if they make me feel bad then perhaps it is for the best. I don't know maybe one day... They said they still love so I guess it isn't that bad, I just hate how hard the whole thing is. Thankyou for the good advice it is great to know that I do have support and I am so glad that I signed up to EC
Welcome to EC Azza! First of all, big (*hug*) to you. It's not easy coming out to your parents. I came out to my mum last week & thought she was OK with things when she hugged me & told me she still loved me, but then 3 days later she looked me in the eye & said I was basically crazy & making it up because I was depressed (of course I'm depressed, I'm screwed up & I need to fix it!). It's been pretty lousy around here ever since & it's been like total denial since, so I know what you're going thru. My mum I think is trying to understand how this happened & why I feel this way now, but it isn't getting any better, as today has only been the 3rd time we've discussed it since I said anything. It is a very hard situation you're going thru & I'm pretty much looking at the same decision right now - either my parents will be supportive or I'm going to move out. I know that I can't & won't change for them to make it easier for them, so those are my options & it feels crappy. Believe me, you're not the only one going thru this right now. I will say that EC has been the best thing for me, as so many people here have been supportive for me & accept me as I am, so I know everyone will be here for you too, including me. Again, big (*hug*), you are a brave person, just like everyone else here is!
I think this is a really good attitude to have. I am not out yet to my parents, but this is what I tell myself. I did not choose to be gay, so it is their choice whether to accept it or not. If you do decided to talk to them again, though it sounds like they need some time to come around, try to ask them questions about why they feel the way they feel. You are probably right that they have a totally different idea of how this is going to change your life than the reality of it, and so part of them coming to accept this part of you is learning what it means. Welcome to EC! and as always, we are here for you. You need only ask.
You're all really awesome people and I'm glad I have become part of this community. It is good to know I'm not alone I I know EXACTLY what you mean, they just shove it to the back of their minds and pretend it isn't happening, then whenever you bring it up they treat you like some sort of villan. In regards to my parents I think my mum has always known I was gay so has had a quicker time coming to terms with it but she's still "pissed off" and is hoping I'll change. Which really doesn't make any one feel good. My dad is another story and for some reason I think he blames himself which is completely pointless and in denial, he could have spent all the time in the world with me but I'd still like men. I wish I could just move out unfortunately I'm finacially dependent on them so I'm stuck here for the moment. :/ I know it could be a lot worse but the awkward atmosphere gets you down after a while. Thanks for the hugs
I'm not that good with advice yet but... I haven't told mine yet because even though I know they'll still love me, I doubt they'll be supportive. Some parents feel differently once they understand things more though. It seems a lot of people are still so misinformed. I wish you the best of luck! Welcome! (*hug*)
I'm pretty much the same way right now. Financially dependent, but really no emotional support to speak of, & it doesn't really look like things will change anytime soon either. I'm looking at ways to try & move out sooner, but with college starting in about a month, I'm probably looking at at least another 2 years here, which I'll be doing at the same time as trying to transition (gender counselling, hormone replacement therapy and, God willing, GRS; the hardest I think for my parents will probably be the HRT, it will be hard to ignore things once my breasts start growing & suddenly it will be 'Oh God, now we HAVE to deal with this, & lord knows getting them to use 'her' & 'she' instead of 'him' & 'his' is going to be a hellish, uphill battle). Honestly, I live in a pretty backwater place, so I figure I'll do my time, then move to a larger city an hour away where I can be myself from day one (& where there's a much larger supportive LGBT community, as there isn't even one here, not even one support group in a city of 73,000), so that I can be a little bit less standoutish. Your welcome, and don't worry about it, I'm always happy to hug! Perhaps if there's an LGBT support group in your hometown, you can also join them & have another outlet of support as well...
I know the feeling. What I find parents do not understand is that we are simply doing what makes us happy. Their perception of us changes and it is like they have lost the child who they thought you were. One day they may be able to accept you for you are but if they don't you can't have that negativity dragging you down. As for an LGBT group in this town? I doubt it but I'll try anyway. I too can't wait to lead an open life but with all the stuff at home it would be too much. I hope things get better at home for you it will take them time to adjust, as you get older they will become less of a part of your life and hopefully will accpet you for exactly who you are (hope mine do too). (*hug*)
I'm actually 35 years old now, which is what I think makes this even harder for them. I've wanted to speak up before, but it's hard to say "I'm not your son, I'm yur daugther & always have been & oh, BTW, I'm gay too.' I figure that I'm an adult, it's my life & I've got to do what's best for me otherwise I won't be happy...
I agree with many of the comments here. Our parents have done so much for us––they've sacrificed everything––but they need to understand. If that means they go through depression, then so be it. They have to understand some day; they just do.
