I've been out to my friends for little over a year now, have been comfortable with my sexuality for a few years and have decided that I want to come out to my family, more specifically my parents and sister (as we all live together, as my oldest sister and brother have moved out). However, there's one little problem that I'm facing, and that's my gay brother. Now I know that my family are accepting of it because my brother has come out to us all and they're all fine with it, it's just that I'm finding it difficult to come out to my family, telling them that both of their sons/brothers are gay. Hopefully you know what I mean. I do want to come out to my family, it's just that I'm unsure as to how I'm going to tell them. Any advice I can get?
I understand your concerns about being the second son to come out as gay, but from what you say, your parents will be totally OK with it. Sure, it might still be a surprise to them, but it's not as if you need to be "the straight one" because your brother's "the gay one". Take the plunge and I'm sure it'll go great
What help could you need? You know their feelings on gay people. To be perfectly honest, your parents didn't have you just so you would give them grandchildren. They had you because they want you and love you and just want you to be happy. You're so lucky to have parents who have gone though it already!
I'm sure I knwo what you mean. I didn't think of it it consciously at the time, but having my brother find a girlfriend and thus affirming his straightness was one of the reasons I decided to come out. While it might be true that your parents would accept you, no matter what sexuality your other siblings are, it seems lots of people feel some kind of obligation to their parents to at least try and live a stereotypical life. That said, I agree with the above: there's no way but forward: you'll have to take the plunge, accept that even if they are totally accepting, it might take just a bit of time before everyone in the family is used to the thought, and just trust that everything will turn out OK in the end. It might help a lot not to come out to everyone at once. Coming out to siblings is usually easier, and their acceptance can serve as a good backing towards coming out to parents. Even if your gay brother isn't living at home anymore, it might be best to come out to him too. He has come out to them before, and might have some tips. Even if he has no special insight in how to come out to your parents, they might turn to him with questions too, and it's best if he has our back. Personally, when coming out to family, I just wrote a letter first, with some sort of an "ideal coming out speech", explainiong that I'm gay, that I'm telling this because of respect and openness, and some points in which I try to anticipate their questions and answer to them. Armed with that, the trick was really just to sit them done one by one, and tell them, using the mental exercise of writing the letter as a guideline to answer questions. I figured that if I stalled, plan B would be to just give them the letter, but it never came to that in my case. I don't know if you need advice as much as encouragement. You can do it! You are you, regardless of your friends, family or siblings, and they will accept that, even if they have to adjust a little.
