this shits just not happening

A lot of people here are much better at giving advice than me, so I will just hug you. (*hug*)

 

You're welcome! :icon_bigg I think you're supposed to hold your stare for like 20 or 30 seconds or something. lol I couldn't stare that long at girls without giggling or... passing out or something. hahaha Although when i was clueless in my teenish years, i would stare at girls until they asked me if i had a staring problem. :lol: Now i wish i could go back & reply: i can't help it, you're just too damn sexy! :laugh: i better stop now, im not using this thread for it's intended purpose :eek:

 

Maybe you could bring the topic up with the friend you already told? I think you're very likely to get positive responses your friend, so you just have to be brave. And she could help you.

I understand it's difficult, because you will lose your "straight cover". But what do you need the straight cover for if you're not straight? And people who might care about your straightness would probably still assume that you're straight. And if they don't, it doesn't matter.

My biggest problem with telling people is that I don't want to have the whole talk "hey, I've got something important to tell you" because it sounds so alien to me. I just want it to come up naturally. And usually the opportunities to tell people have to come up at least once or twice before I've got the courage to tell them.

For instance the last opportunity I had was with a girl who was on the same trip to France with me and I was buying post cards, but a lady at the first place didn't sell them to me because I didn't have coins, only notes so we went to another place, where a young man let me buy them with a note.

Me: He was a lot nicer than the lady at the other place.
She: And good-looking too!
Me: *confused look*
She: I like men with blue eyes and blonde hair...
Me: *really confused stare that I just couldn't hide*

She looked like she was expecting me to say what I thought of what he looked like or to say what kind of men I like. And I just couldn't say there and then that, actually, I like women. I wanted to tell her though.

But do you ever get opportunities like that? If you do, I would recommend using them to tell people. It's scary, but you will feel very relieved afterwards.

 

I have found with the two people I came out to, if you are cool with it they will be too. My one friend actually had to sit down he was so shocked, then I started laughing and told him its not a big deal. At that point he relaxed and we started talking about it. It's nice to have people to confide in. I really hope you can power through this and bring that chin back up. Just remember you have an awesome secret about yourself and you decide when they find it out.

 

Hey man, I am so sorry to hear you're going through all of this. Honestly, though, there is no real proven perfect way to go about this. Dr. Seuss says, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." And I honestly believe that to be true. If you come out to people and they're unwilling to accept you in the first place, then maybe you should rethink your friendships and relationships. And honestly, you're not straight, so why worry about the straight cover that isn't there! You'll find that although it's hard initially, you'll feel much more comfortable in your own skin after you confide in some people. And this is coming from a guy who desperately wants to come out on Facebook and still can't work up the nerves...so...

But anyway, you also mention that you catch yourself staring at guys? Maybe it has gotten to the point where you might want to start telling people. I usually did it by just offhandedly mentions that "I'm going on a date with this great guy next weekend." Or just being like, "Hahahaha, yeah I'm bi" and laughing it off. But people still get the message. You may just want to find more lighthearted ways to come out to people! You will definitely feel so much better once you do.

For the time being though, just keep your head up, and remember that the process takes as much time as you need it to take. So, at the same time, if you feel like you're still figuring stuff out, take your time! There's no protocol timeframe on coming out- it is for you and for whenever you're ready. If you really want to stop hiding, and you think you're ready, then go for it! And do it at your own pace!

Oh and lastly, to answer your question about figuring out if guys like you, I'll tell you a funny story. I once got a guy's number, thinking that he was gay and that we would proceed to go on a date. So, we texted for a while, and finally set up a lunch time where we could go to to a pasta place. While we were there and hanging out and such, it really did feel like a date. So I told him so. I just said, "I'm having a really great time on this date." Unfortunately, I didn't get the response I would've liked. He said, "Oh...um...well, dude, this is...interesting, because I'm actually....straight. I thought we were just hanging out." Fortunately, we laughed it off; no harm done. But, this just goes to show that maybe you can hint at things, (perhaps a little more subtly than I) to try and figure out whether a potential interest would actually be interested in you.

Hope all this helped! Please keep your head up! I know it's tough, but you know you have all the support in the world here! Don't give up!!

 

^ Very nice post And your story with your straight "date" was sweet!

Hey Ballin, I remember when you were trying to come out to your gay friend. What about pumping yourself up to try again? Cause the one person you did come out to, while supportive, maybe isn't the person to help you grow and understand and become more comfortable. I bet coming out and talking to him and whatever else would be an awesome next step.

 

SCREW MY ADVICE! First (&&&)
Now my advice xD Take all the time you need. There's no rush in all this. As you said, you're still figuring things out. Maybe you should step back relax adn breathe for a second. Is there someone you can talk to in person about all this? like the close friend you came out to? It sounds like you need some support and ppl to lean on.

I can relate to how you feel about your family and i'm sure many others here have families just like yours. I think my family is crazy too and I'm embarassed to be around them in public. :lol: My family finds gay ppl disgusting, so they won't accept me but i love them too still =/

I'm bi, but I'm still at a point where I'm figuring myself out a lot and I don't want to be defined by that and I kinda want to find a guy that would keep our relationship a secret for a while til I know what I wan't cause I don't.>>>>> About this...and it's just my two cents. But if you were to pursue a relationship with another guy, then you would have to open up to him that you are confused and that you don't know what you really want. If you're indecisive about what you want in the relationship, then your partner may feel that the relationship will go no where and that might put a strain on the relationship especially if your partner is fully out and you are not. I think you should do a little more soul searching first and find out what you really want before pursuing a relationship with another guy. But you also said that you "want to be what I am", so I think you already understand where your sexuality lies, you just need the support from everyone you love (including your family), which you don't think you'll have. I feel for you there. Though you never know, maybe your family's intolerance is due to ignorance. If you love them, then I'm sure they love you unconditionally as well. Your parents/family can't truly stop loving you if you come out as bi even if they say they don't support or love you anymore. You can't turn off love like a light switch xD

 

Everyone has given you great advice, so I don't have much to add. I would be remiss, however, if I failed to say anything about your "suicideish thoughts." I totally understand what you mean by that. I definitely had those thoughts at one times in my life -- I could never imagine acting on them like you. Still, I don't think it is good just to let them linger. In my experience, they were symptomatic of larger problems and it sounds like you probably know what your triggers are. Given our society's attitude toward metal health, it is pretty easy to just put it aside and say they were passing thoughts. But this does not solve the underlying issues. It was not until I saw a counselor at my university that I finally got a handle on it. It really did help me. A counselor might be the supportive environment you need to come out to someone else and talk a lot more about it as well as dealing with these suicideish thoughts. You are lucky in that your university most likely has free and easily accessible mental health services. If you have any questions about it feel free to ask.