Since I've joined EC, I've come out of the closet to one friend. I feel great, comfortable, and, to my own amazement, I actually feel happy for being gay sometimes. That's fantastic. On the other hand, I'm not quite out of the closet yet. Far from that, in fact. The friend I've told lives very far away and never comes here, so I've only talked to him over the internet about being gay. Also, I haven't told my parents or anyone else that I'm actually close to. I'm trying to figure out what to do next. Most likely, I'll just let things flow naturally, but I've found that posting stuff here actually makes some unexpectedly good advice pop up. So, I'll write some relevant information here. If you think you have something to say about my case, please do. I'm a freshman Law student in the São Paulo area (I've started the course in February). My hometown is not São Paulo, so I spend about 3 weekends a month away, at my parents' house. As I have been living and studying here for a relatively short period of time, I don't have any truly close friends (being away most weekends doesn't help either). There are about 4 people from university I'd say are my friends. I'm not excessively shy and I'm actually kind of friendly, in such way that relatively many people know me there. However, I'm not, by any means, a typical university student. I don't enjoy college parties, dancing, drinking or "going crazy". Also, I've never had a relationship, with boys or girls, and I've never kissed anyone (let alone have sex). In my hometown, I have a circle of good friends. One of those friends is gay. The university I study in has a very strong LGBT group, and there are several openly gay people there. However, as far as I know, their activities are mostly political, so there isn't any support group or anything like that. I've looked for LGBT support groups elsewhere too, but, to my disappointment, I haven't found any (which is pretty surprising, considering I live in the biggest city in the Western Hemisphere, and the one that hosts the biggest gay pride parade in the world). The closest I've seen is a "study group on sexual diversity" happening in the campus, and led by a professor. I don't think I'll join it, however, because: joining just to get emotional support would not be well regarded, as it's intended as academic and serious; doing so would pretty much mean coming out to everyone in the university, and I don't feel prepared for that; I honestly don't have any real spare time during weekdays. So, that's basically it. What I'd like to do is: Come out of the closet to more people. Doing it here in São Paulo seems easier, as most people will probably take it with nothing more than a shrug and an "ok". However, I'm not close to anyone here, which makes it difficult. I actually think I might come out to my friends in my hometown first. Get to know more gay people in São Paulo. Eventually, start dating. My inexperience regarding relationships pretty much terrified me, though. I just wouldn't know how to approach someone, give out signs, seem confident etc.
Well, there's a couple of options that spring to my mind immediately: - Maybe, if you don't know a lot of people well in São Paolo, it might actually be possible to not come out, but just be out. That is: if you don't know people well, it's easer to fit it in smalltalk as if it's no big deal at all. at some point, the matter of relationships is bound to come up in conversation with new people and at that point you can just say something in the vein of: "oh, I don't have a boyfriend yet myself. I'm still pretty new to being out of the closet", or something to that effect. Cue them shrugging and going "ok", but it does give you some self-validation! Even your friends (if they aren't that close) might merit a coming out to that effect, next time the topic comes up: "oh, I kind of neglected telling you until we knew each other a bit beter but.." - If you have a gay friend, he might be prime coming-out material. I came out to a gay friend of mine first, and he was invaluable in helping me come out to the rest and just being awesome about it. So you might want to grab this friend for drinks (or invite him over), come out, and see where that leads you. - Maybe there's only one GLBT group in São Paolo that you can find, but even if their activities don't interest you, it might help to contact them nonetheless. If anyone knows of any other groups, it's going to be these people. Laying out the situation and what you're looking for might help them in showing you the way to a group more to your liking. Or at least in pointing you to someone else who might know. I don't have anything on the "dating" front, but confidence grows with coming out, so I'm hoping it could evolve naturally from the previous points.
