I mentioned in another thread I was going away for the weekend with a co-worker. That weekend has now come and gone. After our trip I really dont think I want to spend anymore time with him at all. Unfortunately we work together so this may be a bit more difficult than i want. I will refer to the said co worker as "E." Let me fill you in a little bit. For starters Im completely out at work and it is basic knowledge of my coworkers that Im gay. I assume E is aware of this also. I saw E the thursday before the trip and mentioned that the hotel was all booked and we only need to check in when we wanted. E responded saying "good, I hope you got two beds cause Im not gay." This sort of caught me off guard, one because it is something way outside of his character and second, like i said, its to my understanding he knows Im gay. So why would he make a comment as such. This comment was said like 3-4 more times, in different ways, before the end of his shift. First of all I know E isnt gay, or not that he is leading anyone to believe. And even if he was I would still get two beds cause its not like we are dating. So the comments themselves dont seem to make sense. Skipping to the weekend, he was searching for a part for his car. Comments along the lines of "well let me check egay real quick" were tossed out a few times. Finally I said "im pretty sure its ebay." His response was "whatever dude get over it." Again this is way out of his character. He never talks in a rude assertive manner, so again Im baffled and annoyed. Now to our ride home, I finally got so annoyed I made up an excuse to leave early. On the way home I told him, "remind me to stop at an ATM so you can get me some cash." It was arranged before hand that we would split fuel and hotel costs. Which is totally fair. E looked at me and said, "cash for what?" i reminded him of the prior arrangements and still he made a fuss about it. I did get my money after having to convince him that it was only fair we split everything. Im just completely annoyed with him and dont know what to do about it. I want to just stop talking to him and hanging out with him but we work together and I dont want to make things awkward. How can I stop talking to him with out it being weird at work? And why all of a sudden would someone start making such comments? Until now he has been a very pleasant and reasonable person.
Hmm... Well I'm new here (if that matters >.<) but have you often hung out with E outside of work? If not, maybe this person just acts more professionally at work, and is just usually like this when out and about... :S which would suck, but that's all i can think of, because that really does seem like odd, if not just plain rude, behavior...
I honestly would say just cut.your losses. I just came out but I know how people should be treated. I think you should speak with E and ask if he is okay. Like.his personal life. Ya know.
Maybe E thought you were coming on to him. Why were you on a one on one vacation with him? maybe he thought it was some romantic getaway in your mind, and he was trying to make it very clear he wasn't gay. I still think he sounded like a jerk though. I would talk to him. You did mention that him knowing you sexuality is only assumed.
@tabby being new doesnt matter , welcome to EC!!! and yes we have hung out a few times outside of work, I went a hike last winter with him and a friend of his and everything was fine. its just so unlike him. @TerDeltay I was wondering myself if something is wrong but he doesnt seem like the type of person to open up. And at this point in time I dont know if I want to get involed on such a level with him if he is going to act like this. @theWorldisYours we went to a car race that he invited me too, so hopefully he wasnt thinking that I had different plans in mind. And I kn ow you dont know me but if you did I am highly professional both at work and outside work. Except with my closest friends.
I think that maybe a good thing to do is ask him about it. Who knows, maybe there's something going on in his life that you don't know about.
I think you need to talk to E about what occured that weekend, explain how you felt and see what kind of reaction he gives you and what his reasoning is for acting that way. Then if you don't feel anything has improved from that talk then you can make a decision on whether you would like to hang around with him or not anymore. As for work, as long as you can stay civil within the workplace and just get on with things then hopefully shouldn't be much of a problem. Just don't start ignoring him because of what happened, that could cause a rift which more often then not passes to others who then decide to take sides. In other words, don't mix work and the emotions from what happened.
i didnt read the previous post so i'm a little sure why you both would be going on a weekend trip alone anyway, but i will assume its because you all are both friends. i can't tell if you originally liked him/crushed on him or not. however, either way, that really is not important. the fact of the matter is that you cannot get into someone else's head to figure out why they did something or said something. there could be a number of different reasons. however, if he knew or thought you were gay, then what would be the point of going with you to only bash you during the whole trip. so personally i think he thought you were nice but wanted to be homophobic just to make it clear that he wasn't interested in you. however, sometimes people have to hate what they are afraid of so they can keep a distance from it. i'm not saying he is closeted or not. however, all i'm saying is you never know what issues the dude has. regardless, he was an a-hole, so i would be cordial at work. say hi if you see him, respond to any direct questions, but leave it at that. doesn't sound like someone that is in your corner anyway. also, i do not see a reason to discuss what happened with him. he was an idiot and he knew he was being one, so no need to discuss anything with him. just continue to be you and limit interaction with him. if he asks why or if there's anything he did, then you can tell him.
