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What should I do?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Sesshomaru, Aug 2, 2011.

  1. Sesshomaru

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    I'm in sorta a rough spot right now. This is going to be a bit long so thanks in advance to anyone who replies or even just reads it all. I'll bold a heading at the end too in case anyone wants just a quick summary (my head hurts after just typing all of this).

    I've been out of the closet for a bit now and back around February a guy from this new high school I transferred to in September added me on facebook. I accepted it and after he found my number sent me a text. Long story short, said guy (let's call him Guy A) turned out to be gay and had a bit of a crush on me but had a boyfriend at the time. During the few times we talked and he told me that he was seeing someone I told him we could be friends, but I wasn't interested being anything beyond that due to his relationship. He respected that and we moved on without talking much.

    Sometime within the past 2 months (about the beginning of June) he and his boyfriend broke up. We still weren't talking much besides the occasional text so neither of us really brought anything up. During the past month or so he's been asking me if I'd go out on a movie date with him and I kept declining since he normally would randomly ask me to go and I'm usually not free for spur of the moment plans. This past Sunday he asked me if I'd go see a movie with him and since I had nothing planned I went. Things went pretty good too. I'd seen him only once in person before at a school event he invited me to after I switched schools again and I don't know whether I just hadn't really just paid him much attention or something, but while the previews were going I noticed he's pretty dang hot and of course tried sneaking a few glances. He noticed me looking (I fail at being sneaky) and after a bit we ended up kissing/making out a little. We held hands through most of the movie along with him laying on my shoulder (not sure if any of this matters but I'm new to dating so meh).

    Now the first problem comes. Towards the end of June two girls I used to go to school with asked me to come hang out at the mall with them so I did. They ended up bringing along another gay guy that we knew but I'd never seen as just more than a friend from school. After hanging out for a bit I noticed I was attracted to him and it was sorta obvious to one of the girls to the point where she openly mentioned it and me and said guy (Guy B) both blushed. This basically went unspoken of for a while until me and Guy B began talking more and he ended up getting a boyfriend. While they were together we both admitted to liking each other. Of course we couldn't do anything with him having a boyfriend so we left that alone.

    A few weeks late Guy B and his boyfriend broke up. I didn't want to ask him out seeing as how he'd just come out of a relationship and since I didn't he told me he'd rather stay single for a bit which I completely understood. We went on talking as just friends up until Sunday when he texted me asking what was I doing and I told him I'd just come home from a date. This lead to him asking a crapload of questions from how everything went to what was the guy like. I didn't think much of it until one of the girls we were at the mall with asked me what was going on since Guy A told her I'd went on a date. I didn't see why he would care since he said he wanted to be single until the girl told me that he said he was ready to ask me out. Now I'm sorta hesitant since it seems he had no interest in asking me out yet until he found out I went on a date and I don't want to put myself in the position of being a "rebound" boyfriend.

    Then comes the only real problem with Guy A. We were chatting on Facebook Monday and while we were, something popped up in my news feed that he'd posted in some group. I don't really want to repeat the post, but it was something that you just wouldn't post after going out on a date with a guy you like the day before. I asked him about it and he said he didn't know what group I was talking about and immediately left it. I didn't ask any further questions about it, but it still sorta set up a mental flag.

    Short Version:

    So basically I'm wondering which guy should I pursue? Guy A is a total sweetheart but the downside is he went to my first high school with me and since I moved he's now about an hour and a half away by bus (me nor the two guys have a car) which would make seeing him somewhat hard. He also recently broke up with his ex-bf and I wouldn't want him to rush into a relationship with me just based upon this and the fact that he sees that I've gone out on a date with another guy. Guy B is just downright sexy and lives about 10-15 minutes away from me which would make seeing each other easy, but with neither of us having a car we're in the same situation as me and Guy A where we're limited on where we could go together. There's also the situation with him lying to me which sorta make me take a step back as well.

    Any comments/advice for any of this is greatly appreciated :slight_smile:
     
  2. Well, I generally tend to see issues like this one way (but I could be wrong)...

    You talk about who's easy to see and who is sexy and who is a sweetheart, but who do you really really WANT to be with? Is there attraction and passion and things in common, etc? If you're thinking that one guy is over the other in that department, then choose THAT guy.

    If it's neither guy over the other, then personally I wouldn't bother with either because a relationship with someone who you wouldn't choose over someone else doesn't sound like it's even worth the time.

    If you're feeling like you want both of them...well, it's just a choice you're going to have to make about which guy is better for you.

    Hope that helps a little even though it didn't give you a vote either way :slight_smile:
     
  3. ilayis

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    I'd go more for guy B since he lives much closer to you.Also you don't need a car to do things with him.You and him can go for walks and talk more which would also give you time to ask him about the lying.Maybe he was lying to get your attention or something?


    I know how tough it is to choose between two guys but I say deep down you should follow your heart and I know you wouldn't be asking these questions if your heart truly told you you could deal with the bus ride to Guy A or be open to talking to guy B about the lying. Whatever you feel more comfortable dealing with would be the way I would go.
     
  4. Sadepeura

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    Stop rationalising and listen to your heart. Which one do you care about more?
     
  5. jimL

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    OMG I could only wish I were in you position. I have been married for many years and just came out to my wife and a bunch of family and friends. I wish I would have done it a long time ago. I agree with the other posters......listen to your heart. Who are you most attracted to. Distance shouldn't make the decision for you. Good luck.
     
  6. Sesshomaru

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    Thanks for all of the replies everyone :slight_smile:

    I've asked to other friends I know over the internet and they've both told me to just follow my heart, but how do I do that? I don't know either one of them well enough yet to have any real feelings outside of pure physical attraction. I tend to open up very slowly to people too after stuff I've been through over the past few years. Guy A and I have only recently begun talking so I don't know much of anything about him and although Guy B and I went to the same school for two years we rarely spoke to each other besides a friendly "Hey".

    The only reason I'm really even having to choose is because all of a sudden Guy B wants to date me. I see it as a little unfair that I have to deal with choosing so early but there isn't much I can think of to do about that since going out on dates with both could be interpreted as leading on whoever I don't choose.

    Could going out on dates with both of them be a possible option until I get to know both of them better? Tbh, I don't think I know either one of them well enough yet to just jump into a relationship.
     
  7. I think that's reasonable, so long as everyone understands that you're not ready to just jump into a relationship. If you each know that you're just getting to know each other better to see what happens, then I think that spending time with both of them is fine. Just make sure that you're talking with each of these guys about what's going on. :slight_smile:
     
  8. Mr.Pushover

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    You don't HAVE to date them both to find out, just spend some time with them as friends before you start thinking about which one is better.
     
  9. Sesshomaru

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    Ok this seems like a good fix to everything :slight_smile: Now I won't have to just take a guess and pick a guy. Thanks for the advice everyone! (&&&)
     
  10. thylvin

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    i agree with the rest, follow your heart... for me it would be worth the bus ride to see a guy i really like. Then again being the rebound guy is not the answer.

    I don't like being lied to so i will never want to be with a guy that lies. On the other hand, posting in appropriate things on community sites like Facebook isn't right either.

    if i were you i would hold off on dating either of them, wait a while the right guy for you will come. Don't be hasty cause that might just get your fingers burned.