Empty Closets Coming Out Resources and a Safe Place to Chat
Welcome Forum Chat Room Resources News Members

Go Back   Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out > Support Area > Coming Out Advice

Coming Out Advice A supportive place to ask for and give advice about coming out. Includes a sub-forum for posting stories about your coming out experiences.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 3rd Aug 2011, 10:26 AM   #1
Well Known
Full Member
 
ezkill's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Some people
Posts: 216
Join Date: Aug 2011


Default Where do you meet gay people, besides online and in bars?

I have been struggling with this particular issue for a while now: where, exactly, can you meet gay people outside of gay bars or the online dating community? How did gay people meet each other before online dating existed? I can't imagine that adult gay couples I see today all met at a gay bar, this can't be the case...

So where do I go? What do I do? I'm 21 years old, and I'm tired of meeting the superficial sleazes you often find online or at the bars, who are mostly interested in one thing... or maybe they aren't all about sex, but they are extremely superficial and picky, and "screen" you before even getting to know you. I want to get away from this sad world, and meet people out in the real world.

Does anyone have advice to get me started? And before anyone mentions "join a club at school", this isn't possible. The only "gay" club at school is one that revolves around politics. I'm not interested in that, and I don't have a passion for it. It would be unfair to the few members of the club on campus for me to join just to meet other people. I was thinking about maybe starting my own club, but then again I'm going to be a senior and I don't know where to even start. I don't even really have gay friends, except for one, and I met him online heh.

Please, someone with experience, help me.
ezkill is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd Aug 2011, 11:14 AM   #2
Motivated Slacker
Full Member
 
FJ Cruiser's Avatar
 

Gender: Guy
Orientation: Guys
Out Status: That cat's pretty much out of the bag.
Location: Deep in the Heart
Age: 21
Posts: 1,188
Join Date: Jul 2011


Default Re: Where do you meet gay people, besides online and in bars?

It depends on how open you are about your homosexuality. If you have no problem letting people know (different than flaunting), you could just ask all of your friends if they know any other gay guys. If they are good friends, I don't think they'd have a problem helping you in your search. I'm under the impression that Seattle has a significant gay population, so I'm sure there are plenty of great guys to meet.

Maybe instead of joining a club, start your own. I realize that if you're more on the introverted side like me, that can be really hard, but sometimes you just have to put yourself out there.
FJ Cruiser is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd Aug 2011, 12:22 PM   #3
EC's realist
Full Member
 
malachite's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: Orlando
Posts: 7,452
Join Date: Apr 2009


Default Re: Where do you meet gay people, besides online and in bars?

Like FJ said it depends on how open you are.

I usually meet guys through friends, its a better filter then going to clubs, since friends usully have your better interest at heart.

Nothing wrong with putting out some lures too, tell friends you are looking ask them to ask around for you.
__________________
4 out 5 divorcees agree that marriage is a sacred union.
malachite is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd Aug 2011, 06:01 PM   #4
feelindown
Guest
 
Posts: n/a

Tournaments Won: 41

Default Re: Where do you meet gay people, besides online and in bars?

well you can meet people out on teh streets. gay people are everywhere and they will give you the "eye" if they like what they see. the problem with this is that it may just be also hook-up or sex driven so i am not sure i would suggest this. one thing that i think is cool is trying to meet people in social activities that are important to you or that you enjoy doing. for instance, if you are a runner, maybe there is a running club or group near you. if you are a painter, maybe there is a paiting group, if you like to volunteer, then maybe there's a group of people that do that. it's not particularly "gay" but if gay people are indeed everywhere like everyone says, then they could be a chance that someone in these groups may also be gay and you can meet them through a shared interest. to me that would help with a friendship forming which in my opinion is the basis for any positive successful relationship. good luck.
  Reply With Quote
Old 3rd Aug 2011, 08:17 PM   #5
Your Favourite Member
Regular Member
 
predator9089's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Pretty much everyone now
Location: Vancouver, BC
Age: 29
Posts: 74
Join Date: Aug 2011


Default Re: Where do you meet gay people, besides online and in bars?

I have the same issue as you ezkill! In fact, i could have written your post haha. I will lurk and read other people's advice now...
__________________
"IT'S GON' RAIN" -Ollie Williams from Family Guy
predator9089 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd Aug 2011, 08:33 PM   #6
Molitva
EC Admin
 
Mirko's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out and about
Location: Canada
Age: 37
Posts: 13,924
Join Date: Apr 2008


Default Re: Where do you meet gay people, besides online and in bars?

Hi there! If your school club isn't an option, what about a LGBT support group in your community? Maybe a good place to start would be PFLAG. Not sure if they meet over the summer, but maybe try contacting someone there and ask if they could give you a couple of leads on LGBT social and/or support groups that you could join or check out.
__________________
~ Somewhere within us all there is a secret garden. A garden in which we can seek refuge when times are rough or retire to in joy or contemplation ~
Mirko is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th Aug 2011, 01:27 AM   #7
Cecile's sidekick
EC Advisor
 
Filip's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: All but extended family
Location: Belgium, EU
Age: 30
Posts: 3,983
Join Date: Feb 2009


Default Re: Where do you meet gay people, besides online and in bars?

I do think the best way of meeting friends is through other friends. If you're open about being gay and on the market for meeting more gay people, they might remember some of their other gay friends who they would otherwise not introduce to you, and extend an introduction anyway.

I must confess it hasn't worked that great for me (it seems all other gay people in my friends' extended circle are radically different from me), but I have heard of people who have met a lot of interesting people that way.


And then, of course, there's the option of just contacting that club on campus, being honest that they're not what you seek, but ask them whether they know of any less-politically focused groups in the vicinity. At worst you get a "nope, sorry", but in the best case they might be able to direct you to a group you wouldn't have found otherwise!
__________________
To the world, you're somebody, but to somebody, you're the world...
Filip is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th Aug 2011, 04:39 AM   #8
LostandFound
Guest
 
Posts: n/a

Tournaments Won: 41

Default Re: Where do you meet gay people, besides online and in bars?

For someone like me who doesn't really like going to lgbt-specific clubs I tend to go to clubs on campus that tend to have a higher proportion of gay people.
  Reply With Quote
Old 4th Aug 2011, 06:10 AM   #9
EC Addict
Full Member
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: UK
Posts: 315
Join Date: Jul 2010


Default Re: Where do you meet gay people, besides online and in bars?

I've always thought about this too, and I've never came across an easy answer. Its hard because I've never been one for going out "on the pull". Not that I'd be very good at it even if I tried anyway Even if I was straight I wouldn't be one for going out to clubs to meet someone, because it just isn't me. So I generally avoid clubs. I'd prefer to meet people naturally and get to know them a bit first. Which is difficult when you're constantly surrounded by straight people (as much as I love them ). I've used online dating, and its ok, I've met a couple of people that way but nothing that has ever lasted. I'd rather meet someone in the flesh and get to know them that way first.

I feel the same desire as the OP and others on here to find that magical place, but I think the unfortunate thing is that it doesn't exist. Like most people, we'll have to make do with meeting people as we travel through the journey that is life. Being gay, that inevitably makes it harder as the odds are not in our favour. I'm afraid we just have to accept that. It doesn't mean though that we're doomed to a life of loneliness. As the OP mentioned, there's many older gay couples who met under far worse conditions than what we live in today. They managed to find each other, in the face of huge discrimination, and I think that should encourage us. In an age where the world - in general - is becoming more accepting, our chances should improve. I agree with others, if we're "out" our chances of finding others is a lot better. Friends will generally try and help because thats what friends do. Its not going to be easy, but I'm sure opportunities will arise
WillNeverMarry is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th Aug 2011, 07:04 AM   #10
Well Known
Full Member
Threadstarter
 
ezkill's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Some people
Posts: 216
Join Date: Aug 2011


Default Re: Where do you meet gay people, besides online and in bars?

Thank you for all of your encouragement, guys. It isn't exactly that I have trouble meeting gay people. Certainly since I am "of drinking age", I can easily go to a gay bar or a gay dance club to meet gay people. Unfortunately there is an unseen and dirty scene that goes on at these places, and it's really hard to tell who is genuine and who is someone you should be suspicious of.

I will try your advice. By the way, one of the posters mentioned clubs that have a high proportion of gay people in them. Which clubs are those?
ezkill is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th Aug 2011, 02:58 PM   #11
feelindown
Guest
 
Posts: n/a

Tournaments Won: 41

Default Re: Where do you meet gay people, besides online and in bars?

thank you willnevermarry. i could really relate to your honesty and candor in your post. i really do not like when people make it seem like gay people are running around everywhere and you can meet them easily. the truth is, it's really not that easy since you never really know who is gay or who is straight or who is gay but closeted, gay but in denial, or straight but just being friendly and not flirting....lol. far too many potential combinations so it's hard to meet people in "natural places and environments" if they are not specifically "gay". personally for me, i am just focusing on learning to love myself, do what makes me happy, go to events that i like, and maybe just maybe, i may meet someone. they always say you find someone when you are not looking or least expect it so i will continue to hold to this as well. good luck
  Reply With Quote
Old 4th Aug 2011, 03:02 PM   #12
TheDude
Full Member
 
Enaithor's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: London, England
Age: 20
Posts: 560
Join Date: Oct 2008


Default Re: Where do you meet gay people, besides online and in bars?

The problem with meeting other gay people through friends is that your friends might be like "OMG you two would be so perfect for each other!!! I MUST get you two to meet!!" When really all you actually have in common is that you're both gay and it's just like *facepalm*
__________________
You just can't stop the hurt from hanging on, the old man dies and then a baby's born
Chan, chan, chan, change your life~
And when the world just treats you wrong, just come with us and we'll take you home
Shang, shang, shang, shangri-la, na na na na na na na na na na na...
Enaithor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th Aug 2011, 10:53 PM   #13
Your Favourite Member
Regular Member
 
predator9089's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Pretty much everyone now
Location: Vancouver, BC
Age: 29
Posts: 74
Join Date: Aug 2011


Default Re: Where do you meet gay people, besides online and in bars?

^^^^
predator9089 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th Feb 2013, 02:49 PM   #14
Newbie
Regular Member
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: All but family
Location: Monroe New York
Posts: 6
Join Date: Feb 2013


Default Re: Where do you meet gay people, besides online and in bars?

This is a very good question.
I joined a online dating site.
But i just not having any luck plus every is
such far away from where i am in upstate.
Suile is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
is having sex with too many ppl or ppl you don't know bad ???? Anonymous Anonymous Discussions 29 6th Aug 2011 02:20 PM
Online interactions and dating Hendrix Chit Chat 9 14th May 2008 10:22 AM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:56 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright (c) 2004-2014, Empty Closets Community Services
the Empty Closets name and logo are registered trademarks of Empty Closets Community Services

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20