How Do I Deal Without It All Blowing Up In My Face?

I`m only 16 so I can`t give you any advice, but my heart is honestly heartbroken for you I can`t BEGIN to imagine what you are feeling, and how lost you must be The only thing I can really think of, is do what you think will make you happy. Life is WAY to short to be doing things that will make you unhappy. So if you`re happy with your wife, and how things are now, stay with her, if you`re very unhappy like that, change things, before it`s to late, it would be ashame to live life unhappily

 

well you said it: I can't live like this....!

so to me that means that you need to decided what that means. what does: "i can't live like this" actually mean?

Does that mean, you want to break it off with your partner and pursue a relationship with a man? does that mean you want to stay with your partner but just tell her how you feel sometimes about other guys? does that mean you want to keep it a secret from your partner and friends but secretly date men?

you need to ask yourself this question. sometimes we are attracted to things and when we get them, it's not what we envisioned them to be. ever had a craving for a specific food and when you finally get it, it's a let down? so what i'm saying is, you may or may not actually like being with a man.

but before you determine that, you need to determine if you want to stay in your relationship or not.

as far as the fighting, i would not recommend you be "out" there. your friends are already homophobic. i think you probably need to develop a good guy friend that is also like you that you can just talk too and not mess around with. it will help you work through some of these issues.

 

Well, congrats on taking the step and telling her about how you feel!

Frankly, I do feel that being bisexual doesn't have to change anything if you don't want it to. In a way, having the occasional attraction to someone new isn't that uncommon either.
Sometimes someone new comes along, and you feel attracted to them. It happens to everyone, straight, gay and bi alike.

There's various ways to deal with it, of course. Some people just push the thought away. Others confess their crushes to their partner and laugh about it together. And then, of course, it occasionally happens that people decide someone else is a better fit (which may be, though I'm sure they get new crushes and attractions even after they do that).
so yeah, take it at your own pace, be open with your GF and don't feel like you need to change anything if you don't want to. If you really love your GF, then that's that!

What you feel for guys is a bit outside the norm in your social circle, yes. Homophobic friends can make it tough to come out. But as you've seen with your girlfriend, people usually change pretty quickly. They might be afraid of "them gays", but if you come out, odds are (okay, it might take a bit of initial awkwardness to overcome) they'll see you as "our friend musicalfingers, who's a cool gay guy, not like them other gays"
Personally, at least, I had no problem coming out to my judo friends, and we still spend a couple of hours each week squashing body parts together, leaking sweat on each other, and sanding naked in the shower

Whether to come out and when is your own choice, though. It's not a race, and you can do it at your own pace, one friend at a time, if you want to!

 

You have to test the waters slowly, you obviously care for your girlfriend a greatly? And i assume your child is with her to. You have to be respectful of your girlfriend if you ever want to test the waters, i can not count the number of times a gay man has cheated on his wife and got caught, it only causes resentment, hate, and the loss of a true friend. She has shown she is not against you being bi, but would she allow you to ever be in a open relationship? You said she is bi? So obviously you are open with her sexuality. Also there is also the fact are you even interested in testing your sexuality at this point? Attraction is one thing, being sexually attrated is another. I've met Pro Wrestlers who are gay, Marines who are gay, MMA fighters are not that far from either of those. Test the waters with them is it just a few saying these homophobic things or are there others silent like you? Maybe make a comment, that isnt outing you it is making it known your not a homophobe.

 

Your situation really is touching and I am glad that your partner has rest you assured that if you are bi, that she still loves you.

Being in your situation with your partner, well things might be looking up. Did you previously had 3somes with her (you, her and another woman)? You have to include her in this if you decide to try it with a guy, she won't feel left out and it will show her that you are still very serious about her and your relationship.

Set some rules before hand, you don't want to jump straight into sex with a guy. First occasion, explore a bit, touch a bit and see what it is that attracts you to guys. Take it gradually, until eventually you come to have sex on a different occasion.

For example... let me tell you, I had this friend of mine, he was actually my best friend for 8 years at the time. He and his girl split up due to some drug reasons and he has a little boy (I was there when he was born) I never before told him about my sexuality and to him i was just like any other normal straight guy. We know one another intimitaly, so much so that he saw me a couple of times naked and I saw him a couple of times naked.

Well the one night (He introduced me that night to exctacy) we were alone in my flat. We were both in our trunkies, enjoying the music. I got horny and undressed, he didn't much care about it and later I sat next to him. I got this overwhelming feeling that i needed to open up a bit to him, and told him I was Bi (at that time i thought I was bi). he got horny and undressed too.

Well one thing led to another, but the only thing he did to me was just touching end experimenting, he never took it further than that and told me he did not felt comfortable in taking it any further than that. I did end up giving him a bj though... but several times afterwards we did the same thing.

I guess what I am trying to say in your situation, that you haven't been with a guy before or had any experience that you should take it 1 step at a time. Being Bi doesn't mean your gay or your a footy. it would be ideal if you find a bi guy as well for you to experiment and explore that side of you. It doesn't have to be with the guys on your gym or martial arts classes.

Once you feel comfortable with yourself, it will be the right time to tell your friends, better yet have your partner there as emotional support. That will show to them that you are definitely bi and just explain to them that they don't turn you on so they never need to worry about you. Who knows, maybe a few of them might be bi too.

As Fillip have said, it's not a race, take your time... if you fell the need in the meantime, watch bi porn with your partner. There are plenty of bi porn sites out there and movies.

Well I hope for the best for you and if you ever have questions, we are here to help you.

 

wow that's awesome news! you had a lot of courage and it sounds like you have a great partner. i'm very happy for you.

 

Just realized that it was you who commented me hadn't read the name of the original poster untill i saw you reply, glad you liked my post. Hope you figure everything out for yourself, i have a friend in a open relationship and it works pretty well for them.