1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How do I explain how I know she's not just my friend?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by flymetothemoon, Aug 4, 2011.

  1. flymetothemoon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2009
    Messages:
    382
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Newark, NJ
    I know in my head and my heart that my girlfriend isn't just a close friend. But the other day someone said to me that maybe she is just a close friend and I'm just confused because I love her but not in a romantic way. Like I said, I know that's not the case, but how is one supposed to explain how they know that? I do love my friends, but I love my girlfriend in a completely different way, I just don't know that there are words to explain it. Has anyone else dealt with questions like these? How did you respond?
     
  2. Sadepeura

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2011
    Messages:
    302
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Scotland
    I've never even thought of that. I'm happy no one ever asked. It would be good to know an answer though!
     
  3. redstormrising

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2011
    Messages:
    679
    Likes Received:
    1
    that's such a strange question . . . i'd almost be insulted if someone asked me that. i would say that you know that she's your girlfriend and not just a close friend the same way a straight girl can differentiate between her boyfriend and a platonic male friend.
     
  4. TraceElement

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2011
    Messages:
    983
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Rochester, NY
    I'm with redstormrising. For me, this falls as one of the questions that isn't asked of straight people. So, if I were asked this question about a current gf I had, I would counter with "Well, how do YOU explain the difference between a close friend and a gf/bf?"
     
  5. Sadepeura

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2011
    Messages:
    302
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Scotland
    Yes, that is a very rude question to ask. And yes, only straight people would ask that. And yes, the answer is that it's the same thing as how straight people know a difference between their gf/bf. But I don't think we can get anywhere by just asking them to compare it to their situation. It is an answer but it's not the answer they want. True, to a question like that they don't need a question they want - making them compare it to their life works just as well.

    I actually do however have a friend who could just genuinely ask me this sort of a question. And there must be a correct answer to this question.
     
  6. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,722
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Perhaps you should say because the kind of thing you like to do with your girlfriend you wouldnt want to do with your friends.

    Like I could love a male friend, but I would never want to sleep with him.
     
  7. flymetothemoon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2009
    Messages:
    382
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Newark, NJ
    I know it sounds like a really rude question, but I don't think it was intended to be rude with the person it came from, I think they were just genuinely curious, which is why I didn't just counter back with well how do YOU know you actually love your boyfriend/girlfriend and aren't just friends with them. I think they were genuinely trying to figure out how I determined that I was in love with a girl and was certain that it wasn't just a strong friendship feeling all of a sudden when I had dated boys all along.
     
  8. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,722
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I can see how it wasnt meant to be rude, before I worked out that I was gay, and mainly when I was at college and my friends were crushing left, right and centre over guys I used to think to myself, ok some are better looking than others but they are all just guys how do you know when you really like one more than just a friend, so I guess I can sympathise.