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When should I come out to my room mate?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Foxywolf, Aug 4, 2011.

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When should I come out to my room mate?

  1. Before I meet her.

    8 vote(s)
    30.8%
  2. Right after I have met her.

    3 vote(s)
    11.5%
  3. After I have met her and gotten to know her a bit.

    13 vote(s)
    50.0%
  4. Other. Explain.

    2 vote(s)
    7.7%
  1. Foxywolf

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    I know I posted a thread about this a while ago, and I got some really good advice, but I just got my room mate assignment and I am really nervous and not sure what to do anymore. I am not sure if I can go through telling her before I have even met her.

    So I am putting it to a poll, should I come out to her before I meet her at college, or after?

    Post your opinions and reasons for your opinions. Any feedback is welcome.
    (Hopefully the poll thing works)
     
  2. Mercy

    Mercy Guest

    Tell her when your comftorble ok ??
    Tell her if u feel its even any of her buisness
    and remember no matter what EC is here to help
     
  3. theWorldisYours

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    I think if you are planning on coming out in college, you should come out to your roommate before you move in. Definitely get to know her, and more importantly, allow her to get to know who you are before you tell her. Tell her it's only a detail of who you are, but if she has a problem with it, you want to fix it before you move in.
     
  4. This, this, this.

    If you want to be out in college, then staying in the closet for the sake of your roommate is not a good way to start. Better to clear everything up before you move in. That way, you don't have to hide at home and/or worry about the news getting back to your roommate before you get the chance to tell her. It's just much easier to get it over with beforehand. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Foxywolf

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    Hmmm you all make good points, but if i did come out to her before, how would I bring it up? Also is there anything I can ask/say to help figure out her opinion on gay people and stuff?
     
  6. theWorldisYours

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    I have already sent my roommate an e-mail introducing myself, and telling him what I like to do etc. I'm waiting for a response. After I have a little conversation with him, I'm just going to say: "before we move in I just wanted to mention that I'm openly gay. This is only a small part of who I am, and it's really not a big deal, but if you have a problem with it I want to resolve it before we move in." As far as testing the waters, I think that would be kind of hard to do over e-mail. I think your roommate would immediately get the hint if you started asking about lgbt issues.

    Just remember her opinion about lgbt isn't the main issues. You want a roommate who you have a fair chance at getting along with from the beginning. If she is a homophobe, don't take the time and trouble to try to get along with her, get out before move in day.
     
  7. flymetothemoon

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    I think that is a really great way to do it. I would definitely suggest that you come out to your roommate before moving in because you don't want things to get messy when you are already living with her, but you also don't want to be resentful of her because you are stuck in the closet because of uncertainty about how she will react. It's better to know and deal with it in advance if she has a problem with it.
     
  8. Foxywolf

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    Yes yes i see what you're saying, I may say something similar to what you did. I have been chatting with my room mate via text and so far she is really nice :slight_smile: So yeah. Good luck with coming out to your room mate, maybe you can tell me how it goes?
     
  9. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    I'm going to agree in telling her before you move in. Its saves a lot of headaches and the effort of having to actively hide it then the worry of ruining a relationship etc.

    I personalty like bringing it up very casually and letting them put the puzzle together. One way is that you can ask her about what clubs she is interested in and then tell her that you are interested in blah, blah and the LGBT club. You can also talk about how difficult finding a girlfriend might be or that you hope there are gay clubs near the campus or even mentioning that you are excited for college sine its a more open-minded environment. The possibilities are endless :slight_smile:

    Good luck with whatever you decide!
     
  10. Sadepeura

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    I voted before I read the thread, so I voted for the "other". But yeah, since if you have already texting with her, I think you should do as TheEndend suggested. Otherwise I would have gone for dropping the hint when you're moving in an getting to know each other. At my university it was very difficult to find out who people are living with before hand so I didn't see telling before hand as a potential option. But it makes sense now.
     
  11. Foxywolf

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    Hmm yeah, I may not tell her straight out, I might just drop a couple of hints. My facebook page alone has some hints. Like the fact that I have one picture from gay prom labeled "Gay prom." And I have liked gay marriage in new york, and 'when gay people think something's stupid they don't say, 'thats so straight,'' So if she did enough searching she could figure out it all on her own haha. My sister found out because of the gay prom picture.