Hello everyone! Something has been bothering me for the last 3 years and I have finally decided to talk to someone about it. Ever since I was adopted from Russia and raised up in my current family I have always felt like my dad is being more mean to me than what is acceptable. I know that he loves me very much but he always makes me feel useless and sometimes I've even thought about running away or committing suicide. I've talked with the Dean of Students and the Associate Headmaster at my school about it but they haven't done anything about it. Here are some examples of what my dad has done to me that I think might be considered Child Abuse: Whenever I was helping him work on a project one Sunday night I wasn't really focused because I had a research paper due in a few days. He noticed that I wasn't focused and then demanded that I become more focused in what we were doing. I still was unfocused on what we were doing and so my dad yelled at me again to get focused. He did a total of about 3 or 4 times before I finally told him why I wasn't focused. He then immediately called me a selfish son-of-a-:***: and then cussed me out some more (he's been doing that a lot recently) and he sent me home. Another time was when I was about 6 or 7 years old, I can remember that I was helping him again on another project and that I didn't do something right. I can't completely remember what caused him to do what he did but I think he over reacted a lot. He took me outside and grabbed my neck and pushed me up onto a wall for about 5-10 seconds, choking me. He then let me down and that's all I can remember. These are just two cases where he has lost control and emotionally hurt me. Every time we are working on a project and I suggest to do something different, he cusses me out. He blames me for everything wrong that happens and I have been noticing that he hasn't been taking any blame at all. Like I said earlier, he is always making me feel useless and I just don't know what to do anymore. I keep telling myself to deal with it until I get to college but I really want to do something about it :help:. Can anyone give me any suggestions?? :help:
I've thought about doing that but I'm just too scared to see what the consequences are! I don't want to rip my family apart. :/
You are right that this might be considered child abuse. I think you're in a really tough place here. You were adopted by these people, so you probably feel like they've given you a better life than you would have had without them, and I'm sure that makes it harder for you to call the help line and imagine this possibly tearing your family apart. Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do to fix this situation other than call a help line. I will tell you that most of the time, the preference is to try to keep families together and to give the adults parenting classes and such to help them be better and safer parents, so that might make you feel better about making the call. If I were you, I would definitely suggest calling, though, and seeing if you can get any help in dealing with this and making sure you stay safe, especially since you say this is beginning to make you think of running away or committing suicide.
No worries hun Everythings gunna be ok i promise i lost a loved one to suacide . Its not the best option i promise you ill help you figuer things out if ul let me
My dad has even said that I could be in Russia starving in the streets, I think he just needs some anger management classes. My mom kind of knows about what has been going on but I don't think she wants to do/say anything about it.
Hi. It's borderline. What you're describing would probably not rise to the standard of abuse where child protective services would intervene, but it does seem clear that your dad has anger issues, and isn't creating the most emotionally healthy environment. But that's a bit different from what would typically be described as "abusive" in a CPS sense. How does your dad treat your mom and your other siblings if any? Does he lose his temper with them also, or is it reserved for you? Has it changed over time as you've gotten older? Also, are there any aggravating factors, such as his drinking or something like that? Has his employment situation changed or are there other outside stresses he has? There are some options to consider that won't get your dad in trouble or your family torn apart, but before talking about those, it would be helpful to understand more about your dad.
My dad does sometimes lose his temper with my mom but then he ends up apologizing in the end (most of the time). He does have arthritis and he takes a lot of medications, this might also have something to do with it.
That kinda sucks but it's nothing worse than my dad did to me growing up. It's just the culture and the way your dad was raised. If it gets worse and you are actually injured then yeah call the help line but from what you mentioned in the post you are overreacting and 95% of kids have been yelled at and smacked by their parents at least a couple times. I don't think it has anything to do with adoption it's just that parenting is stressful and causes some people to go crazy at times.
Honestly, I think that yes most kids have been yelled at by their parents, but I wouldn't say most kids have been smacked in this way. I get that you are scared, but this is probably the point where a Child Protective Services organization might be able to help without tearing your family apart. This is where they can come in and suggest anger management classes and parenting classes but not tear you out of the home. If it gets worse and you are actually being injured, that may no longer be the case. Is there ever a time when you are out of your home or alone in your home where you would be able to call the hot line and talk to someone without your parents knowing? You could always call them and not give any identifying information at first, just talk to them about your concerns. They'll let you know if it's a valid concern and what they might be able to do to help. Then you can decide if you want to actually file a report or not from there.
Hey man. I'm a parent, of a 3yo so it's a little different i guess but I know how frustrating it can be at times. Having said that there is no excuse for losing your temper at someone smaller, weaker and more vulnerable than you are, ever. I used to have a drug problem, I'm a rather big guy and sometimes I would really blow up at my much smaller Girlfriend, so yeah maybe the meds might be a factor here. One day when I was not so high my girl sat down across the table and just told me that sometimes she was genuinely frightened of me, it was a huge turning point to see the person I love more than anything, shaking as she told me. I knew changes had to be made, it brings tears just to think about how i had no idea I was doing it. Perhaps you need to sit down with your father in a safe place and let him know that he sometimes makes you feel threatened. If he loves you like you say he does, he won't be able to bare knowing that he hurts you. Perhaps if you can get to that point then some professional help, like a local counsellor at your community health service or speaking to his (and yours) GP could help you guys communicate in a more constructive way. It's all about de-escalating the situation before it gets to that point, learning new strategies. Killing yourself or running away is just a new problem, not a solution. But you can't go on like that. I know it helped me, I hope you find a pathway buddy. Good luck, you're gonna need it and so will he ;-)
Musicalfingers is right, alot of the time people simply react to things in a bad way, but if you sit them down and openly share that you are freightened when they act that way maybe he will start to be more aware of his anger and tone it down. Also if it is just when your alone with him, maybe you can have someone help with these projects besides yourself. My father had a anger problem and was emotionally abusive, but one day he picked me up and tossed me to the floor because i was simply teasing my sister about a bad haircut... I had never been more freightened of him, i told him i hated him and hoped he died he cried for hours after i said that not believing i felt that way or said it, my father never touched me again, and his emotional abuse became only playful teasing... Also does your father know your gay? Do you feel hes doing this to toughen you up or out of pure anger? Some parents do strange things when they find out including being extra rough with them, maybe he wants you to tell him off.
What you're encountering is abuse, but sadly I will tell you it is unlikely the authorities will do anything about it. I was in an abusive household for years, and when social services came around to check they basically told me (this was the fifth time they came, when I was twelve) that they only deal with the more severe cases. Here is my advice: You MUST tell your mother how much this upsets and scares you. Tell her you've though of calling children's services you're so worried. Your father is in all likelihood not a bad man, but he NEEDS therapy and anger management. Do you have another close family member you could talk to? An aunt or grandparent or something? Abuse escalates. If you are truly fearful call child services. Even if they don't do anything they will have you on record. I pray for you that it never gets worse. Good luck.
It is a shame to be in a situation like that. You also have to consider that if you do call the child abuse services, that your dad might in a fit of anger tell you to get the hell out of his house. I would suggest that you first talk to your mom and see what she thinks... I would also suggest to speak to your farther when he is in a good mood and ask him why he does it and tell him how you feel about it. I would suggest that you do this in the presence of your mother. you might be right about the pills, I know my mom also suffers from arthritis and the medication does make her moody sometimes, but not as much as your dad. It could be that it is a gender difference and woman tent to handle mood swings differently. I would suggest you might get your dad a punching bag like boxers and that when he gets in hat stage again to punch the bag. He needs to let out some steam and this might help your whole family. i would also suggest like the others on anger management classes. Good luck and remember we are here for you.
i'll basically give the advice that everyone here is giving you, because it sounds like good advice: talk to someone. talk to your dad, your mom, a hotline, cps, anyone. talk until someone will listen. and remember, one day, you will move away and live in a home of your very own, and you won't be ruled by fear. running away suicide will end that possiblity. and remember, that just because your family adopted you, does not mean you are in debt to them in any way. you are their child, and no child is ever in debt to their parents for raising them as parents should. your first duty is to yourself, and to make sure your protected. every kid deserves to feel safe, and don't let your dad tell you otherwise. remember, people in real life are not only there for you, but so am i, and everyone here. if you ever need anything, i'm here (*hug*)
I'm not really sure if I have another family member to talk to about it. I kind of told my grandmother that my dad loses his temper with me sometimes but that's all I told her; I didn't tell her about the physical things my dad does to me. My dad does not know that I am bi, and I don't plan on ever telling him. I feel like maybe sometimes he is trying to toughen me up. Like sometimes when I start to cry because he is yelling at me, he will hit me and tell me to stop crying, and he will continue to hit me until I finally do stop crying. And I know that he does it out of pure anger sometimes.
