About to leave for college and want to come out to my parents...

So I have two weeks (ish) before I leave for school. I plan on being out in college. I'm not gonna be waving rainbow flags everywhere but I'm not going to hide it. I just think it'll be easier for me to be out if my parents knew. That way I wouldn't have to hide anything. The only thing is, my parents and I don't have an excellent relationship. Not that we don't like each other, but we don't really talk or interact. I think because I grew up in this kind of environment I'm not open with them (or anyone for that matter) about my life, feelings etc. etc. I keep pretty much everything to myself. So I kind of wish I could do it in a way that they'd know but we didn't really have to talk about it. Obviously thats not an ideal way to handle the situation but it kind of suits my family dynamic.

I don't know how to go about doing this though. I could tell them in person however not only do I have trouble actually saying the words out loud but also I kind of really hate showing emotions. I don't want to break down in front of them. So I was thinking a letter might work but I know that would just make it easier for me avoid them like hell after they read it so I can just see that not working out so well.

I just can't seem to get over my problem with being open with people. My "don't talk about anything" family has fucked me over so much that I physically can't make myself talk about this. The last time I tried to say it out loud to someone important to me I almost had an anxiety attack again for the first time in five years. As much as I know that eventually I will come out to them, and I know that they will be fine with it and I know that at some point there will be an awkward moment between us, I just can't do it! :bang:

Like I said before I plan to be out in college. This is a big deal for me because being closeted has taken a huge toll on my wellbeing both mentally and physically. But I'm scared that even when I'm hundreds of miles away from anyone that knows my name I'll still be stuck in the closet because of my inability to be open. That can't happen. I try to avoid thinking about it but if things keep going the way they are now, I'll snap. Thats why coming out to my parents is so important to me. I don't want to lie about who I am in my own house anymore and I don't want the baggage of this secret I'm keeping at home to weigh me down at school. If anyone can help I'd really appreciate it, thanks.

 

Well I think I want to tell my dad first. He's not a talker so it'll be easier for me to tell him because I know that he's not going to get all emotional or try to have a huge conversation about it. My mom worries me more, she'll be okay with it but she's always wished that I was more girly. I kind of want to tell my dad first and then tell my mom via letter or email right before I leave for college so I don't have to confront her but I don't know if thats the right way to go or not...