I’ve had a crush on this guy in my church for ages now. We’ve never spoken until I saw him on my University’s campus earlier this year. Well we haven’t really spoken, just said “hi” whenever we pass each other by. I’ve noticed during church sermons that he stares at me. So last week I asked my mom what his name is (his dad works for the same company as my mom) and I searched for him on the Universities email list and then sent him an email. Now we have this really great conversations and he didn’t even think it’s strange that a random guy started emailing him. I’m just not convinced that he is gay… Any advice? :icon_redf
Well, there isn't any definitive way to know whether someone is gay without them saying (or doing) so. Of course there are lots of little cues that you could possibly use to determine for yourself, but the thing is that for every gay person they apply to there'll be atleast one straight person it applies to as well. Does he know you are gay? If you told him, that'd be the perfect opportunity for him to tell you if he was too.
are tehse email conversations or conversations on the phone or conversation in person? please clarify. my best advice is to hang out with him and develop a friendship. through the friendship you can probably determine if he is interested in you or not or gay or straight. once you feel like it's safe to come out to him, maybe you can tell him about yourself. i'm not sure i would suggest doing this upfront though because it coudl weird him out if he is just being a nice guy and only wants to be friends.
I would say let it come up casually that you are gay. Under orientation it says that you are out most people and that shows that you are confident with yourself and who you are. If he has a problem with you being gay, then you will at least know that he's not someone worthy of being your friend anyway. Maybe start by just asking him if he's dating anyone and leave it open whether it's a guy or girl. Unless he's super closeted and just changes the subject it should come out what his orientation is.
