Hi everyone, I just found out about this website and thought I'd ask for your opinions and see what everyone thinks. I have looked at similar threads but it just seems it's not exactly my case. A little about me: I'm in my early 20's and study at university. I'm an active, masculine, attractive guy, into sports and working out, the usual. (did not mean to come off cocky) I have recently come out as bi to couple people in my family. From where i come from, being gay/bi is unacceptable. okay so here's what i need help with. I met this guy, we hung out and fooled around. I've been with guys before but i've never felt so strong toward a guy like this. over the next couple weeks we keep in touch through text messages and we both wanted to meet but neither of us could host. After couple weeks of texting, I finally was able to have company, so he comes over and we chill in my bed.... without noticing i left a mark on him and i jokingly said "well it's good no one will see that." He then says, "haha my girlfriend will." I tried to not think about it or say anything but i was shocked, i knew he was bi and that he was not out to anyone so i understood but he forgot to mention that little part about gf. He obviously noticed that it affected my... lets say "little friend". Then i just laid back and we chilled. over the next week we kept in touch and decided to hang out again. I could not help it but i kept on thinking about how much it sucks that he has a gf and i'm starting to have these feelings for him. So since i like him so much i said sure come over this weekend. This time we were just naked cuddling and kissing, nothing more. Normally i stay away from unavailable guy/girls to avoid this but this time it snuck up on me. You probably think just stop seeing him, it's that simple. It would be simple if the feelings were not mutual. He says that it's the first time he has these feelings toward a guy, that normally he just wants to F*** and leave, nothing more but with me he open to so much more. So i ask you guys, what should i do? text him or in person say "Hey so here's the deal, it's not fair to me or to your gf what you're doing. Even though I have never met her, i still feel some guilt about this. As much as I wanna continue seeing you, i don't want to hurt her or myself in the process." i seriously hate ultimatums but i feel that it's coming to that. what do you guys advise? oh yea every time he comes to see me he drive for over an hour, which in it self i think is saying a lot. I appreciate the input and thanks for reading that long story
yes what you have written, i think you should tell him. i personally think this should be done in person, but im not sure i would make someone drive an hour to see me only to drop this on them and have them drive back. do it via phone. i think you should stop seeing the dude. the feelings are getting strong and it's not going anywhere. how about: hey, im just going to be honest. i'm starting to really like you and from what you said, you having some feelings for me that you haven't ever had before. things seem to really be working out but hte only problme is that you're not avaialbe. you have a gf. i dont feel right about cheating so we have to break this off, but if or when you are single and if i'm single, hopefully we can reconnect. no pressure and i'm not asking you to break up with your gf, but for me, i just need to be with someone that is single. then i would suggest ending communication until such a time he is single. you dont want to be a part of a love triangle and if someone is cheating on someone else for you, guess what, the odds are they will end up cheating on you too with someone else. they way you found him is typically the same way you'll lose him.
It's a good thing you mentioned you felt bad about him cheating on his girlfriend it shows that you care, i would suggest casually asking him if he could ever see himself dating a guy, if he says no you got your answer and you can call it off, having a sex buddy is fun but when it's hurting someone else it cheapens the whole experience. If he does say yes that means he has strong feelings for you, then you must tell him that if he wants this to work he has got to end it with the gf, dont pressure him to admit cheating or that hes gay.,, that is something he must deal with on his own time. Hope i helped you a little bit good luck!
