When during the coming out process did you say "you can tell others?"

Coming out is a really hard process, I took me three months to get the courage to tell about 10 of my best friends. Evey time I was about to tell someone my whole body would start shaking and I could hear my heart beat inside my head. But I never told them not to tell anyone, because gossip really spreads at my school so I'm just going to let people find out that I'm bi by word of mouth.

 

Coming out was probably one of the hardest things that I have had to do. Totally emotionally exhausting and took me way too long, but I don't regret doing it one single bit.

I think everyone does it at their own pace and in their own way. There really isn't a wrong answer as long as you feel comfortable with it. Keep doing what you are doing until you feel that you can be totally open about it. If you think its taking too long to tell everyone face-to-face then maybe you can consider doing skype or something similar.

When I started coming out to friends I actually found it easier for people to find out through gossip than by me telling them personally. By that point I just really didn't give a crap and decided to take on whatever people threw at me. I have no idea why, but that's just how it worked for me. Right after telling my closest friends, I also made sure to "let it slip" to the girl who used to have the biggest mouth at my school. It worked wonders

 

It all depends on who you feel you are so close to that it may hurt them if you don't come out to them in person, for me i got tired of it... I got sick of explaining over and over again i was gay, even if they were very accepting they still asked questions so i took to myspace made a blog and let everyone go crazy on there then i could reply to them in bulk : ) also i told people to not tell others when i told them person but deep down i wanted them to just talkto other people for me... If there were supportive especially.

 

Personally, once I felt comfortable telling ANYBODY, I felt comfortable telling EVERYBODY. Of course, I was 22 at the time, so I didn't have to worry too much about my parents or fellow students or whatnot.

Lex

 

I came out to all my friends (as bisexual at the time) once I got into my first relationship with a girl. I told my siblings too. And I think they used to threaten me by saying they'd tell my dad...but I always told them to go ahead, cause it was much better than having to confront him myself. I don't think I ever really tried to keep it a secret. I never thought it was something I should be ashamed of.

When I came out as trans to my older biological sister, I did tell her not to tell my dad yet. Because I was waiting until after I had my surgery date set to tell him. Other than that, I didn't care who knew.

 

I can only speak for myself, but I still have not allowed anyone to tell anyone else. I make sure that the important people know that "x, y, z, and a know, but please don't talk to anyone else about this." This is mostly because my whole process has been about telling those closest to me first, then utilizing Facebook to tell everyone else directly. If I was just intending for people to get the information through second-hand sources, I'd probably have told both my parents by now and allowed people to start telling others if it came up.

Honestly, though, everyone's process is different. If you feel like you are comfortable with the people you've told either confirming someone's idea of your sexuality or flat out telling people in a "guess what I found out?" way, then you're ready to tell people they can tell others. Before you feel comfortable with that, it's probably not the best idea to do so.

 

I'm still not quite there, mostly because I know it would upset my mother if it became "a thing". I am going to college soon, however, and the way I see it is, if somebody finds out, I don't care. Right now, I know it's just part of who I am, and I sort of hold those I tell to the standard to see it as that.

I think it's mostly when I accepted it for myself that I didn't care if people knew. I tested the water. And I decided that if it became gossip, well, I had a safety net knowing I was out of that school anyway. (I still made sure I told the people I NEEDED to tell first.)

Wow, I am terrible at answering this question... =/

 

Coming out is this rather controlled demolition of sorts. I've told my close family that this information was not to be divulged under any circumstances.

 

I had the first few people I told keep it on lockdown. BUT, only until everyone really important knew. After that, I said I didn't care who anyone told, because after the important people, I didn't care who knew about me.

 

Once I came out to my mom, I changed my facebook interests and stopped caring if my profile displayed "gay" stuff. I don't care who people tell, as long as they make me sound cool.