my closest guy friend knows im bi but doesnt know i love him.

You haven't given nearly enough information for anyone to answer that question straight. It all depends upon how you think he'll react. If you value the friendship and think he may end it if you tell him, then don't. If you think he will remain friends but be more distant, then don't if that makes you uncomfortable and do if you don't mind that small sacrifice. If you think there's a very good chance that he may share your feelings, go ahead.

I juggled with this same problem for a period of three years, starting when I was twelve. I was madly in love with this guy and over the years I became fairly convinced that he was gay. Eventually this brewed into confidence, giving me the push I needed to come out to him about my sexuality and my feelings. He was completely fine with my sexuality, just like your friend seems to be from what little you've said, but he was very unnerved with the fact that I loved him.

What happened? Well, I learned a lot, cried a lot and moved onward eventually. From that, what I'm trying to pass along to you right now is to handle fantasies carefully. They have a profound influence upon your decision making, so subtle that you won't notice until you do the wrong thing as a result of them. If you are anything like I was, you regularly think about him returning your feelings. Keep in mind that the possibility that he won't is so much higher, no matter the heartache it causes to remind yourself of that. You'll have to feel much worse if you were to confess to him your feelings, butterflies fluttering in your stomach, only to discover that he does not and never will share that special sensation with you.

Like I said at first, you didn't give us much information. I went with what I had, but it would be nice to know his orientation, how comfortable he is with yours and how much you have to lose from telling him if it goes wrong.

 

Steve got it right...

We don't know much about your situation, but, no matter the case, the options are clear.

Option 1, If you'd like to be 100% sure, ask/tell your friend. If he shares your feelings, then AWESOME. If not, at least you'll get closure and might be able to move on faster. I promise you! Fast is good when it comes to this issue. The longer you linger, the worse things get.

Option 2 is to keep playing the guessing game - highly not recommended. The thing about this option is that it's a game with just one player and this one player will suffer an insurmountable amount of emotional trauma while in it. I was/is in it. I don't think I've ever felt worse in my life and I've been through quite a bit (most people have).

I highly recommend the 1st option because, no matter how much value you've placed on the friendship, your friendship is already ruined when love/infatuation got in the way. I guess I have no right to speak for you but when I was in a similar situation, I was miserable (I chose option 2). Everything my friend did taxed my emotion. I over-analyzed everything...every single word was dissected. I would obsess over something as inconsequential as a 'wat up?' text (wtf right?). Anyways, my pride recently came back and I'm moving on.

It's hard but people like us have got to learn to control our fantasies. The simple fact is that the majority of the people we could be attracted to don't find us attractive, so we really need to rinse thoroughly before letting things fall. I'm working at it and I'm quite proud of how far I've come.

Love/infatuation is capable of bending and twisting reality into things only we can see. It warps and confuses our minds to believe in causes that are so profoundly lost even Jesus with shit loads of miracle juice can't make it happen (If you're religious, my bad).

Take it easy and choose your option wisely! I believe that the faster you get things out in the open, the easier life will be. You're already out to him so you really don't have much else to lose...except for pride, but either way some bits of your pride will be lost. It's how the game works. Best of luck to whatever you choose to do!

 

As a sufferer of option 2, I agree with Uniboth. Just tell him. It will be weird, but getting your feelings into the open will be good for your mental well-being.

 

A few questions first:
1. Is he homophobic?
2. Is he generally accepting of gay people?
3. Will he react well to telling him you love him?

If YES or NO to Question 1 and NO to all others, AVOID telling him.
If NO to Question 1 and 3 and YES to Question 2, consider telling him.
If NO to Question 1 and YES to all others, tell him.

If the 'rumour' that you like him ever gets out in the open, you will have a fun (and I say 'fun' with extreme amounts of sarcasm) few months. I speak from experience, guy I like found out I liked him (he's straight).

Now the entire grade seems to go out of their way to make jokes about him and I. And it's annoying.

I've learnt the hard way, rejection is painful, but rejection and people rubbing salt into the wounds is even more painful. :tears: Regardless of whether you tell him or not, you will still be spending your life wishing he was gay, persistently hoping in your mind that he might fall for you.

When you tell a straight guy that you like him, the whole ball game changes. Don't tell him, do your best to move on.

 

A lot of this is great advice.... or you could just try to move on anyways. Your friendship doesn't HAVE to be down the drain (although one poster suggested it would be) if you have already fallen in love. You COULD try to move on and keep the friendship, without divulging your feelings. This is a very difficult thing to do, but it is possible (in fact, anything is possible).

It takes a lot of emotional maturity to distance yourself romantically while keeping close friendship-wise. I ruined a good friendship when I was in high school because I fell in love with someone who didn't return the feelings, and I acted upon it.

Now when I feel like I am heading in this sort of direction, I find ways to move on, like maybe finding a new hobby or convincing myself that I have plenty of time to find someone special in my life. Although uniboth is spot on in many ways, I tend to disagree that a friendship is ruined just because you have fallen in love. I had a crush on a GAY (yes gay, not straight) friend of mine for the longest time, but I realized it could never be more than a good friendship. Instead of spending my time being infatuated over this person, I convinced myself that there are plenty of other great candidates for love in this world. In fact, that summer, I found an amazing boyfriend, and that seemed to distract me pretty well from my gay friend. Unfortunately he moved back to New Zealand. That's another story though.

I really wish you luck in this situation. It's a tough one, but you will pull through and learn some valuable lessons in the end.