how to deal with this friend?

Well, I think the situation would be better if you told your friend yourself. People tend to get mad when they hear things from someone else, and then you have to deal with the "Why didn't you tell me yourself?" attitude.

I think you should talk to your friend about it. Talking about things is always good. She will obviously have her own opinion about it, but that's okay. Everyone thinks differently. The main things is that if she can't deal with the fact that you're gay, regardless of whether she thinks gays are born that way or not, then she's probably not worth you time or you're friendship.

 

I would only tell her if you are ready for her to react very poorly, she could be cool with it and be supportive, or she could flip out and call you everything but a nice white boy, if you can handle her losing it, then by all means go for it, but if you decide not to, it will be very very hard to continue to be friends with her.

 

You might find that coming out to her will be an unpleasant experience. But on the other hand you might find that you will be the one to help her reconsider her views on LGBT people. Is she a close friend, or more of an acquaintance?

 

Here's some undeniable logic:

If being gay is a choice, then so is being straight. Let us assume for a second that our sexuality, NOT our sexual behavior, is a choice. That would imply that all heterosexuals were/are physically attracted to both genders equally, and at some point they said " I choose the opposite gender! ". Think about this.. a person who claims heterosexuality/homosexuality is a choice is essentially admitting and implying that they are sexually attracted to both genders. I think if you put it that way to someone with this line of thinking, they would deny that they ever had an attraction to the same sex, thereby null-and-voiding their whole argument.

I don't think any person with even a slightly rational mind would deny this logic. Unfortunately people care more about being right than about the truth.

 

That is really confusing. :/ I guess my best advice would just be to go for it and talk to her. Maybe things will get a little cleared up.

 

I think you should try to educate her a bit more. Such as showing studies on the matter, or the video showing many animals are gay in nature, or just telling her it is not a choice. If she is not the type to change her mind despite evidence, I wouldn't bother.

 

Well, maybe she likes the idea that her gay friends consciously made the choice to be awesome and fabulous?

The ultimate argument against "being gay is a choice" is that it makes no sense. Nowadays, there's less persecution, but still: being gay isn't easy. You risk physical harm, mental abuse, being spit out by friends and family or even legal repercussions in some countries. You're reduced to a smaller dating pool.
Why would anyone choose that? Maybe if they're masochists, but you'd see that in other ways than by their "deciding" to be gay, I'd wager.

Even in societies where the fact that gay people exist is ruthlessly suppressed, there's gay people (if horribly isolated). If it's merely a choice, how do they even get the idea to decide to be gay if they don't know there's any others?

And, then, of course, most straight people will resent you suggesting they could just as well have been gay and merely made a choice at some point. So why would bing gay be different?


I don't think this girl sounds like an unaccepting person, though. Kind of like my brother and his girlfriend who are really accepting, know a lot about gay issues already, and then... still get some things hilariously wrong every once in a while. So coming out to her might well be an option. Jus accept that it'll take a lot of discussions to set the record straight, even after you come out.

 

If you feel comfortable coming out to her, when the conversation ever arises again just ask her when you (you being the reader) made the choice, because you (the reader) don't remember ever making a decision like that.

it's more forward and more confrontational, but it changes the idea of gay people being 'them' to actually putting a person to it.

 

I used to have a friend like that back in high school. Bare in mind this was back before I was out at all, even to myself. I had watched some gay porn and what not, but I figured it was just a curiosity and it would too awkward to do any of that stuff with another dude lol.

At any rate. She was one of those in your face religious types. Don't think I'm trying to bash on religious people. I went to Catholic school for 13 years. I'm kind of at an interesting place in my thoughts on Spirituality, but I'm getting off on a tangent now. She would make it her business to let you KNOW she was a Christian.

So she had a good friend who was gay. And when they were hanging out or whatever, it never bothered her, but if she was mad at him or something, she'd say shit like, well its not my place, its between him and God, but I think its wrong he's gay, and he can't go to heaven and blah blah blah.

My speculation is she sounds like this type. She'll have no problem with you to your face, but once your gone, you'll be just another gay sinner. Not trying to sound jaded though, you could positively effect her view of the LGBT community, and hopefully she won't be too ignorant to disregard your courage if you should choose to tell her.

 

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ezkill, you have some profound postings and logic. i never thought about it like that.