1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

A complication that's leaving me rather confused ...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ShenanigansChek, Aug 8, 2011.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. ShenanigansChek

    ShenanigansChek
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2011
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ... there's a LOT of corn here ...
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    When I was little, an older teenage boy crossed the boundary with me a few times. I haven't discussed this with anyone else ... and I do acknowledge that I need some sort of counseling for this, I just don't know where to go (I don't think I could afford a psychologist, either).

    I have been in a couple of relationships with guys; however, they have never been anywhere close to long-term (working definition: 6+ months). Mainly because I feel uncomfortable and disgusted with getting physical with a guy (even kissing). I've kept trying only because my friends and some of my family have been pushing me to date more. I'm just uncomfortable with the whole idea of being in a committed or even casual relationship with a man. I am far more at ease when I know that I can have a normal friendship with a guy. I don't know for sure if this is related the childhood abuse that I experienced and this is the part that confuses me.

    I think I am more attracted to women, both emotionally and physically (I haven't ever been physically attracted to a guy). I have never acted on these feelings mainly because I'm not sure it they are simply a reaction to my past and I am kind of scared about how the people around me would react.
     
    #1 ShenanigansChek, Aug 8, 2011
  2. TyRawr

    TyRawr
    Board Member Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2011
    Messages:
    605
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fair Oaks CA
    Hi there, and welcome to EC, I am really sorry that you are suffering from this confusion. I would also like to advise you try and talk to Chip the adviser here on EC who works specifically with people like you who were previously abused.

    My opinion is that you are probably closed off from allot of your emotions with men and women, therefore it is more typical that you fall more towards women because that is what you see most around you. There is also probably a large part of yourself that is scared of intimacy with men because of your experiences.

    What I think may be happening with your relationships is that there is usually an infatuation stage that most people go threw to get their relationship started, and you are unable to get past that stage because of your fear. I am here if you want to talk, and as I have advised I think it would be a good idea to talk to Chip.

    I empathize for you, and I would love to see you happy. This place is a safe place to grow and explore,

    Good luck
     
    #2 TyRawr, Aug 8, 2011
  3. ShenanigansChek

    ShenanigansChek
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2011
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ... there's a LOT of corn here ...
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Thank you for the advise! ^.^
     
    #3 ShenanigansChek, Aug 8, 2011
  4. Filip

    Filip
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2009
    Messages:
    2,355
    Likes Received:
    105
    Location:
    Belgium, EU
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Maybe one other suggestion: are you still in college or studying? If so, most colleges have councilors (or at least similar people who you can talk to confidentially). They might not be real experts in abuse, but they're more likely than not to have an idea about where to search for an expert, and even how to find the necessary funding for it, should that be needed.
     
    #4 Filip, Aug 9, 2011
  5. ShenanigansChek

    ShenanigansChek
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2011
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ... there's a LOT of corn here ...
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Unfortunately not ... I was thinking of trying to find out if there was a support group in my area though.
     
    #5 ShenanigansChek, Aug 9, 2011
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)