need advice...

First off, I'm sorry to hear about all the bullying you've been through. No one should have to go through that type of harassment while at school, or anywhere for that matter. My first advice to you is not to tell your father or family about your sexuality. You're still very young and have plenty of time to tell them. If you think it would lead to you being disowned, I would wait at least till I would be able to move out on my own and support myself. There's no rush in that. You don't have to tell friends you're gay either. If you're scared I think that's a good sign you're not ready yet. Don't force yourself, you'll know when the time is right. As for your sleep deprivation, it might be best to tell your parents about that. Maybe seeing a doctor could help you with that part. Especially with school starting up soon, you'll need all the sleep you can get. Hope this helps some.

 

You said you draw. So do I. Draw what angers you and then rip it up or burn it. That’s what I do. Symbolically remove that what hurts you through your art by you taking your hands and expressing your hurt through it by ripping it to shreds or burning it and letting it rise into the air and watch it disappear as ash...this doesn’t help you in the long run but you’re 14...you have SO MUCH more life ahead of you and it’s going to get so awesome! Work hard in school and do well and work your way to going to college because there’s a lot of freedom in college in the sense that you’re in an area with free-spirited, opened mined, modern intellectuals who recognize that you are wonderful for not what you are (gay) but for who you are (Lonewolf [I don’t know your real name buddy LOL]). Wait until you’re older. Get a good job and support yourself and THEN live it up and have a gay ol’ time LOL. You feel helpless because you are so young and depend on your family and community. One day you’re going to be totally self-relient and it’s scary but it gives you freedom. But, you’re 14 and you have issues dealing with that now- we know that because we’ve all been through it. I don’t have a spell that will make things easier for you as of now, but I say to you express yourself through your arts. Read stories of LGBTQ characters just like you. Volunteer to take you away from your pain. Helping others (which you say brings you joy [which by the way, shows how good and true your heart and soul are]) really does make one feel better. Busy yourself. And enjoy teenage years as best you can (which I know is hard as you’ve described) but you must control it...not let it control you.

P.S. You say you like spending time with those you love? Here at EC we love ya...if you ever feel like this again you know we are ALWAYS here for you.

 

I am really sorry to hear this. But as Gerry (that is almost my real name you know LOL) said, no one should go through that. :eusa_naug

And yes, do not rush into telling anyone your gay. At least here in EC you can be open about it and no one here will ever do any bullying or anything in that line because of that! Remember it, here you can be who you really are. :eusa_danc Take comfort in that. Think of us as your friends (&&&) in another world where you can escape to, have fun and generally be who you are and not pretend to be someone else because your afraid of being bullied.

As for the bully situation, I would advice you seek the help of a school councillor, talk to him/her about it. They can help you stop this. Approaching a normal teacher or principal might be a little dangerous cause they will confront the person directly and tell them to stop bullying you, that usually will cause them into bullying you more. :eek:

As for your parents, Gerry is right, do not tell them until you are on your own. If they then disown you, so what, you are living on your own and you do not need them for survival. I also would advice you that once you are finished with school, to move to a more gay friendly town or city where you can go to college or university one day, but not now, enjoy the comforts of home even if that means pretending to be someone else. I know it is hard, but at the moment there is not much you can do about this situation.

I would also advice to to look out for friends that will better support (*hug*) you and help protect you during this time, someone you can go to and talk about these things. Someone who will truly be there when you need them.

As for the sleep deprivation... seeing a doctor will help, but if your parents do not want to take you to a doctor, here are a few things that might help you.
1. Drink hot sweetened milk before you go to bed.
2. If you can get the natural sleep enhancers that you can take before going to bed, that will help better than any other medication.
3. If you find you fall easier asleep in front of the television, see if you can't talk your folks into getting you a small little second-hand TV set for you room.

Here is some links you can follow about sleep deprivation.

1. What causes sleep deprivation?
Sleep deprivation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

2. Self help to fight insomnia and sleep deprivation naturally
Self-Help for Insomnia & Sleep Deprivation - tips by M.D.

3. List of natural remedies that cure sleeplessness
Sleep Tips, curing insomnia with natural remedies - Insomnia - Natural Remedies

4. 9 Natural herbs and spices that can help cure sleeplessness
Natural Remedies That May Help You Sleep - sleep - Health.com

5. 10 Natural sleeping tips as described by Dr. Andrew Weil
Natural Cures for Insomnia - Andrew Weil, M.D.

I hope these will help you. Sleep is very important, especially for a young person. Sleep does not only allow you to be mentally ready for the next day and to help you learn, but it is also good because while you sleep you body does things it needs to do (hormones, repairs etc) it can't do while your awake. (Think of this as fixing a PC, you have to switch it off to fix hardware problems or you might just damage the PC more than actually fixing it).

Good luck and remember we are here for you! (&&&)

 

I'm sorry you're finding things so hard right now. Just remember - there are people out there who love you, have loved you and will love you. If your parents can't accept you for who you really are, that's a problem. But I'm sure they'll accept you in the end , even if it takes time to adjust. That said, cast an eye to the future and maybe hang fire if you depend on them for college etc.

Try and channel your anger and frustration through your natural creativity which you seem to have, and you'll get though this.

 

Hi there,
I have not welcomed you yet to EC, so first of all welcome.
What you describe is very sad, and really hard to handle. I can tell you this with confidence because I too was a victim of bullying my entire life (however that was because I was openly gay for most of that time). In order to handle the physical beatings I would go to the administration, and inform them what is going on, and with whom. And you have to be strong. I had to deal with my bullying issue by just smothering people with kindness, and making as many friends as possible. It might seem a little silly, but I kind of thought of it as like a battle of good and evil, lol. The more allies I had, the bigger of an impression I left in the school, and people around me.

I would also like to suggest that you join a gsa or something, where people can give you the tools you need to defend yourself. As a gay teen, you have certain rights that other teens dont, and if people are picking on you for being gay, you have a little more leverage to go after them for harassment.

Like I said it is good to be strong, but you should do NOTHING that will endanger your safety. Bravery and courage are different, bravery is the quality or condition of being brave, and courage, by its literal definition, means to be coming from the heart.
Follow your heart, and have courage, and remember there are always people here to support you threw what ever you need us for.

Good luck, and you are always free to contact me if you need. sd

 

Hey, I'm really sorry you had to go through bullying. I know exactly how it feels. It also just isn't in my nature to fight back either!(*hug*)
If you think you're parents won't except you then don't come out to them yet, wait until your older and when you're not living with them or dependent on them.I thought my parents, well my mom at least, would be ok with my sexuality but it turns out that they're not really.I wish I hadn't told them.I wish I'd of waited. If you feel like you need to tell somebody tell your closest friend or someone you know will except you and will keep it to themselves.
Try to focus on the good things in your life. Spend as much time as you can with the people who you care the most about, the people who make you forget about what's going on.

 

It makes me sad and angry all at once to hear your story. I know what you are going through, and all I can say is that it gets better. I was bullied mercilessly throughout my time in elementary and middle school. My principal would not do anything about it and when pressured by my parents instructed them simply to go to the police if it was that bad. It makes me sad and angry that our childhoods were eaten away by this. People wonder why I am so callous some times, but is it surprising that a decade of being kicked around like a rusty tin can doesn't leave its mark.

Focus on the good parts of your life. I let the bullies control me even when they weren't around, by living in fear of them and by letting myself be poisoned with thoughts of anger, hatred, and revenge. I would also suggest seeing your school counselor. They run the gambit in terms of quality but this is a good place to start talking about being bullied and what to do about it. They tend to be more open than administrators who are just trying to cover their collective ass.

As for the sleeping, this is a serious issue. In my case, sleeping trouble manifested itself as depression. It was astounding how becoming serious about sleep, improved so many aspects of my mental and physical health. Here are a few personal suggestions that worked for me:

No caffeine after noon
No sugar after dinner
No computer 1 hour before bed
No work 1 hour before bed
exercise every day if only a brisk walk
Write in a journal toward bedtime
keep on a regular sleep schedule