So... this turned out longer than I expected So about a year and a half ago I started crushing (badly) for my then best friend. We met when we were 11 and had been inseparable since. He was openly gay and the first person I came out to (and to his credit he didn't/hasn't told anyone, to my knowledge) About a year ago, just at the end of year 11 and our GCSE's, I thought he liked me back. There was one point where we were just sitting at his house listening to music and he put his head on my lap. We were sat like that with me stroking his hair for about 10 mins then I realized I had to leave or I would be late and, as a result, grounded. I told him and he sat up, looked at me then after like 10 seconds said 'You're so fucking frigid' walked to the door and opened it looking at me to leave. In hindsight, I should have talked to him then and told him I liked him but I didn't, I just said bye, hugged him and left. After that we didn't speak all summer despite me texting him. He went to a different 6th form and we've basically stopped speaking since then. I've seen him about 10 times in the last year, all accidentally when I've been out with a mutual friend. The last time I saw/spoke to him must have been 2 or three months ago back at the beginning of June; we began speaking after we ran into each other at the bus stop by the train station, and we got the bus back to where I live, then he got the extra bus to his house. When we got near my house I invited him to come see a band with me and a friend on my birthday in July because, the same day, the 4th person I originally invited cancelled. He said yes we arranged to meet on the day and he put the details in his phone calendar to remind him. We didn't talk again but like 3 days before my birthday I saw he was on Facebook so I went to remind him and he said he wasn't coming because he was 'doing something' He said sorry and said he hoped I wasn't mad at him. I said I wasn't and he signed off. I haven't been able to stop thinking about him all year. I need to get over him because from what I can tell he's become a different person over the past year. I know nothing can happen but I can't get over him, and every time I think I have I find my self thinking about him. I know that even if he did like me back then, he doesn't now. Sometimes my friends talk about him in the common room, and he's had crushes on a few people, including 3 of one of our friends boyfriends (apparently they have similar tastes in men...) I don't even want a boyfriend, which is the most ridiculous thing ¬_¬. He's arrogant, manipulative, self involved, possessive, secretive, rumor spreading, rude and a cleptomaniac but I can't stop thinking about him. I seriously don't know what the :***: is wrong with me. Any help on moving past this? ---------- Post added 10th Aug 2011 at 09:36 PM ---------- Title should really be Can't, if a mod wants to sort that out
Re: Can stop thinking of him Its really sad when two move apart from one another. Its even more sad when one does, and the other doesn't. All I can say to do is try and fatasize over other things, even though you probably have. I think a really focused idea of what else you could have would be best for you. It would help to preserve a relationship as a friend with this person still, and it would help to move on and fine other possibilities. Perhaps you should make yourself more available to a boyfriend, even though you said that is not what you wanted, it might be a good idea, and perhaps that is part of what is holding you back. If you limit yourself to something that obviously is not going to work, and you close yourself off from other possibilities. I really want to see you grow, and be happy, but I cant do the work for you. I can provide you with tools, but you must help yourself, and we will all be here to support you. Best of wishes.
I would say you are in love with him and I have complete confidence that you are. You really care about this guy and want him to be in your life but he seems to have moved on which is terrible, he was your best friend for what, 6 years, and he dumps you like nothing! That's not good and I'm not sure if he had a good reason for it, you might want to talk to him about it. Message him and tell him you have become so distant lately and that you would like to get together and hang out and catch up. If he still blows you off then I suggest moving on. It's not an easy thing to do but crucial to your happiness. Hope this helped.
Despite feeling hopeless now, you will get over it. It'll take some time, but nothing last forever. Don't worry about it! Let it progress naturally. The day you'll be all over it could be soon. The more stress you put on yourself for not being over it the worse you'll feel. Just be determined that you no longer want to have feelings for him...this will help limit fantasies to a certain extent.
Sounds like every friendship I ever had. I'm sorry for you. I know it will be tough. I hope you can meet new people and form new bond and move on soon in a positive happy way
I have been in an almost similar situation a long while ago. It was only similar because I had so much attachment to one person that was simply the worst person I could latch on to. Regardless of what people said or how it truly was, I wasn't going to let go of the wonderful feelings I felt with this person. My biggest mistake throughout my experience was allowing this person to have so much control over me. Even when I thought I could date someone else, I found myself thinking of him and what it would be like still being with him. It wasn't healthy at all. My idea of him was perfection. But it was just an idea nonetheless. We were into each for a few months, then it ended on bad terms. After 9 months we spoke, and it was a huge mistake. My "idea" of him was practically immediately renewed after. <<<<< I haven't been able to stop thinking about him all year. I need to get over him because from what I can tell he's become a different person over the past year. This is the worst part about life when you care so much for someone. Almost everyone will change or grow in a matter of time. Sometimes, unfortunately, they grow out of our concept of who we think they really are and we're just so attached to the feeling they gave us that we're sometimes blinded. And personally, I think this is the same feeling you're facing. I know it's ridiculously frustrating when you just need to let go of something.(I personally struggle with that a lot.) But once you realize how much you would benefit from doing so, it definitely becomes worth it. Saying you don't want a relationship in relation to this situation gives me the impression that you don't want a boyfriend because of this person. You shouldn't limit yourself to this experience. You'll have many to come and some won't be perfect and some won't be horrible... the best part is-you'll grow from it. Just try and figure out what step to take to grow from this. Mine was knowing what I deserved and what I was going to tolerate. I really hope this helps in some way...
