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To Wait or Not to Wait (Ethical Dilemma)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by VentinIntrovert, Aug 10, 2011.

  1. VentinIntrovert

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    I've been dating this guy for a couple of months now. The more I get the know him, the more I'm certain that he's not the one for me. We had a fight and after a long thought, I knew that I had to break up with him. Due to the fact that he's currently on vacation and that I didn't want to ruin it for him. I am going to wait until he gets back before I say my goodbyes.

    The dilemma however is that I've met another boy that I had an earlier interest in. I found that he also has a similar interest in me. Should I:
    a) Hold off on this boy until I break up with the guy I was dating?
    b) Date anyways because I already had intentions of leaving my past relationship?

    The funny thing... is that my "soon to end" relationship was yet to be official. I feel like I'm cheating, althought I technically am not. I really have wanted to end it sooner, but would rather not ruin his vacation. What should I do?
     
  2. Mogget

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    End your current thing first.
     
  3. Steve712

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    You have to wait, but be clear to the other guy why you're waiting. Don't leave him wondering.
     
  4. TheEdend

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    If you really want to wait for him to enjoy his vacation then you are going to have to wait until you finish your current relationship before you do anything with anyone else.

    If you feel that its too tough then go ahead and break up with him already. He is an adult and since you weren't too serious I'm sure he'll be able to handle it.

    This is one of those situations that you either have to take the whole package or nothing at all. At least in my opinion.

    Good luck :slight_smile:
     
  5. TheWanderer

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    the thing about what some might call an ethical dilemma, there is always two sides and as long as you arent going against your personal morals than you really havent done anything wrong.

    That being said, I personally would further pursue this new guy.

    If I really felt bad I would call the "original" guy while he is on vacation. I couldnt care less whether or not it ruins his vacation. You said you didnt want to do this so your stuck on that portion.
     
  6. VentinIntrovert

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    It feels right to wait. But waiting just makes me impatient and that I'm holding myself back. While I could be getting to know someone else, which I will anyways, I'm wasting a whole month. Could I date this new guy, yet not break up with the boy until he's back? The outcome will not change...
     
  7. Sadepeura

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    Well you would still be cheating on the guy who is on vacation if you started dating the new guy before you break up with him. To not to be an arsehole you probably would want to break up with the other one first. Ruining someone else's holiday is the less worse thing you can do, if you just want to start dating the new guy right away. The other option is to let the new guy know that you're interested but also tell him that you want to break up with the other guy before you go out with him.
     
  8. VentinIntrovert

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    Yeah it's exactly what I did... But it's hard to not flirt and stuff...
     
  9. DallasJordan

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    I believe I understand how you feel, perhaps not completely, but mostly.

    I think you will have very diverse responses for the simple fact that it's hard to determine what we actually consider "cheating."
    I personally believe that if your current relation left with the intention of being boyfriends and had no understanding that you felt differently it's considered cheating if you choose to proceed further with this person you had/have feelings for.

    My perspective in life, especially when it comes to dating, is to close a door before you open a new one. Without doing so, you could create a big mess.

    I think it would be a wise decision to end whatever relationship you have with this current person before starting a new one...
    Even if that means spoiling his vacation if you just simply cannot wait.

    That way everyone in this situation will have no worries or half opened doors.

    I hope this helps!
     
  10. Austin

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    Well, I think you should probably break up with him first. If he is on vacation for a month like you say, you should probably just tell him while he is on vacation. If it was only like a week I'd say wait until he got back.
     
  11. Gerry

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    Definitely break off your current relationship before trying to pursue another one. If you are waiting for him to return, simply tell the new boy what's going on and I'm sure he'll understand. Best to be honest right from the start anyways. :slight_smile:
     
  12. feelindown

    feelindown Guest

    someone once told me when you feel like you're cheating, you are even if you are not techinically a couple. i'm not sure how i feel about that but the fact that your writing basically says that you care enough about the other person not to be in two relationships at once or start another before you end that one. i would say wait until he gets back from vacation. don't start anything up wiht the new person. be honest with new person and say you're in something now, you like the new person, but you want tio make sure you have a clean start without anything hanging behind you. therefore, you need a few weeks to sort things out with your current situation. if the new person thinks that's too long and they want to leave, then guess what...they were going to leave anyway. they should respect you for being upfront and not starting someting before you are fully out of it. then when the old person gets back from vacation, have the "we need to talk" conversation and make a clean break. he will ask you if you have been seeing anyone while he was gone or cheating, and you will be able to honestly say no you haven't. good luck.