Never met my boyfriend...

I do think it's possible to be in love with someone you haven't met in person (I fell really hard for this person that I didn't meet until years after we'd broken up). A relationship like this is just as valid as any other! The in-person parts are just one aspect of a relationship, and all the talking you've been doing is going a long way to building something between the two of you.

Does he live far from you, would he have to travel in order to meet you? I can understand if that's the issue and he can't travel away from his job. If you both live in the same city or at least close to eachother, I'm not sure what is holding him up. If he is nervous because he's still in the closet, say you could meet just as friends.

As with all times, if you haven't met someone in person, there is always the possibility they are hiding something from you (though I am not saying he is). See if there is a way you can find out if he is who he says he is. Depending on your age and how much older he is than you, he could also be wary about meeting you in case your age difference is not within legal range.

If/when you do go to meet him, please please bring a friend along with you, don't go alone. I know that you love and trust him, but there's no need to take a risk like that. He should not get upset at you for keeping yourself safe
Make sure people know where you are going, who you are meeting, and how to contact the both of you. Not everyone you meet online is a predator, I know that, but there's no harm in being prepared for the worst case scenario.

 

Can't be sure, but it sounds like he might be quite a bit older than you, which is always a concern.

 

Have you had any webcam contact with him, like a Skype conversation or similar? I personally wouldn't want to be in your situation unless I had unequivocal proof that they were who they say they are. Especially if they are reluctant to meet.

 

Well, I don't think it's necessarily strange. If you spend a lot of time talking, it is quite possible to develop feelings for someone.

That said, before giving any advice, I'd say there's too many variables you didn't tell. How far exactly do you live from this guy? How old are you and how old is he? You mention him having a kid, so what's the story on that? Has he been separated from his wife for long, or is he still married to her? And how long have you known each other already?

 

Hi JoktanE,

I have relatively little experience with long-distance relationships where the two parties have never met. However, I want to point out a few things, while getting a few more details as well.

The first thing I want to know is, is he raising his kid on his own? Raising a kid as a single parent, especially at the young age of 21, is a full time job of its own. On top of that, he must work a full time job as well in order to be able to support his child. Finding childcare is a woeful task of its own. I know, because my mom has lamented to me how stressful it was raising two kids on her own from the get-go (my father died, she wasn't knocked up and left). It's totally plausible, and probably true, that he just hasn't had the time to meet you yet. He probably spends his weekends running errands that he can't do on the weekdays because he has a kid and a job.

That's my view on it... Do I think he is actually going to meet you? I'm not sure, but from what you have said, he sounds like a really nice guy. Of course, always take how someone presents themselves to you over a long distance with a grain of salt. You can present yourself as anyone online, or over the phone.

Anyways, I really wish the best for you two. I hope you get to meet someday.

 

I'll admit, it does sound a whole lot better than the worst-case scenario I had in my head xD
I guess you're best served with taking baby steps until either you or he can change your schedule to allow for more.

Taking it further by baby steps can mean many things. Two I can think of are:
- Getting a webcam and looking each other in the eyes while you talk. Skype has videochat functions, as do other chat programs. It's just a bit more than regular chatting, and it can onvey just that little extra body language.

- Limit the scope of a meet-up. If he doesn't have much time, go out to meet him for just an hour or so, and then go back home. Downside is that you effectively spend more time commuting than you spend meeting, but at least you have met and gotten a feel for whether the chemistry works in real life. It also fits the common "safeety clause" for long-distance meetups: you can meet in a public place, and if something goes horribly wrong, you can each go your separate ways. As with all first meetups: let a friend know where you're going and when you plan to be back.
And if it's a roaring success, it might make it easier to find the motivation on both sides to arrange something more in the future.

 

Just know that a lot can change once you meet in person. It may be for the better, it may be for the worse, or it may just be "different". But expect there to be some pieces to the puzzle you haven't gotten yet (and won't until you do actually meet).

Lex

 

Well, there's the "no" you have if you don't ask, and the "yes" you could get if you do.
So trying to push a little from your end can only improve things. Because, unfortunately, there's no kind of advice I can give that will cause him to take the initiative without you taking any initiative from your end.

And seriously, if you have been talking to this guy for over a year, I'm hoping he'd at least see why you're asking. Maybe explain to him that you want to feel some sign of progress. He might have some other ideas that fit even better in his schedule.

 

If he becomes angry because you ask to see him, he isn't worth dating.

 

I'm not going to tell you not to meet up with him, I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with meeting with him. However, like others, I will say be careful. Like others have mentioned, take a friend or let someone know the details of where you are going and when you should be back, and if anything changes be sure to let them know so they don't worry.

As far as advice about what to do to be able to arrange a meet up, you got great advice from Filip. You might have to ask yourself to get an answer, but at least then you will have a better idea of if he truly is willing to put in a little bit of effort to actually see you. I know you are scared of the reaction, but if he gets angry with you for asking, that is a big warning sign right there that something may not be quite the way he presented it to you.

If you do decide to ask him, let us know how it goes! Hopefully it will go well for you. I know how difficult it is to feel like you have these huge feelings for someone but you can't ever see them. It's really tough. I haven't been in exactly the same situation as you, but I have been in long distance relationships, and when I was about your age a friend set me up with a guy that was quite a distance away so we never got to meet. We never ended up dating, but I certainly had feelings for him, so I get at least to some extent where you are coming from.

 

Exactly.

You need to ask to see him on webcam or ask him to provide a picture where you can clearly tell it is him (ie hold a penny over his head). It's very fishy that he hasn't shown any interest in video chatting. It's completely possible he is a fake. It's sooo easy to just prove it why wouldn't you? And, yea, if he becomes angry he's not worth it. It is completely understandable for you to want to make sure he is real before meeting. If he is real he has nothing to hide.

I've had bad experience with this. Pretty much 2. One guy never had a webcam and only had like 5-10 different pictures that weren't very good. Found out he was obviously fake.

Another guy kept saying he was going to get a webcam but never did and always showed similar pictures.

You'll meet lots of fake people on the internet (literally!), so be careful. I'm a bit of a pessimist about it. I think I am pretty good at telling if people are real now. Your guy seems a little fishy. So just prove it one way or another and have everyone's minds at ease.

 

It does seem better that you've sent lots of pictures. Goodluck.

 

Me and my bf have been together for nearly 16 months now and we havnt met yet. I tried last year in France but our schedules didn't match.

He lives in Canada and I live in the UK. It's very tough on both of us as we want to be together but it's expensive to visit and I need to plan it all out carefully.

We email and Facebook and skype. I think communication is vital to a sustainable relationship. If I don't hear from him for a few days I worry so much about him its unbelievable. Like full on panic mode.

Then the moment I get an email and see it's from him I giggle and I know all will be alright.

My biggest fear is when I do go over there to see him, he will not be attracted to me and I'll be turned away. It's happened in the past so I'm rather guarded. I find it hard to believe I can be loved.

I can understand people not wanting to be seen. I hate beige looked at as I'm fat and hideous and fear he will hate how I look. I can't look at reflections of myself either really. Ut thas another story.

I don't know how well this relates to you but though I would share. If he is only 90mins away I say get on a train and just o Han out for the day. Maybe meet up for a coffee. If he can't get to you then perhaps you need to make the move.

I think it may be tough on him meeting as of his son. You can't meet him yet and he may not know how you will react either.

I always like to give people benefit o the dour in these things. Your both young lol

Please keep us updated this is of interest to me haha ( not in a creepy way )