i HATE being confused. honestly, i really don't even care what i end up being. i just want to know. i want to understand myself. i want to be able to say, "i like women, and i don't like men". or vice versa. i don't want to be like "i like women and men but on tuesdays i like feminine men with a splash of masculinity depending on the time of day and the color shirt i'm wearing". GOD. i am totally infatuated with a girl right now. she is my first girl crush that i've ever been fully conscious of. i've been falling head over heels for her for about four months, ever since i acknowledged the fact that i am not straight. but then again-- maybe i AM straight. because teenage hormones are unreliable and incredibly fickle. so how would i ever be able to rely on my emotions if they're likely to change within the hour? i'm telling people that i'm bisexual, but lately i've been wondering if i'm a full on lesbian because i have kissed three different guys and i didn't like kissing any of them. it was gross, and i just told myself it wasn't. i almost feel like i told myself to be attracted to them...but i can see myself in a relationship with a girl-- i'm not just curious about the physical aspects; i can literally see myself having a girlfriend. my mom says it's a phase, that it's normal, and i'll grow out of it...but i have never felt as strongly for a guy as i do for this girl. the way she speaks, sings, dances, walks, everything-- it makes my stomach drop when she enters the room. admittedly, i kind of felt that way for a guy- my first boyfriend. but that lasted all of ten days. also, i am attracted to certain men, but i'm incredibly picky with guys, whereas girls it's just like "OMG BOOBS" lol. also, i grew up in a household that generally puts down homosexuality...so i'm probably prone to denial and self-deception. so with that said...what the hell am i?? i know i don't need to know the answer. but god...i just need some input. thanks for reading :-/
Seems to me like you could be borderline bi/lesbian. You are more physically attracted to girls and you see yourself more in a relationship with one rather than a guy so I would say you are mostly lesbian and the reason why you are attracted to feminine gay men is because they are girly, they act more like a girl and think more like a girl than straight guys, that's why. There are different levels of bisexual, I would say you are a Kinsey 5, that's mostly gay but there is still that 15% chance that you would end up with a guy lingering. Just take it slow, no need for labels right away, you will find out what you are in time, with more life experiences (I am assuming you are young, like in high school) so you still have a lot of years ahead of you to figure this out.
I think the think to know here is that sometimes sexuality is fluid. And yes, it can be very confusing. It does sound like you are bi though, leaning more towards lesbian. Also I very much agree with what Blakqsh33p says, take it slow. Things start to make a bit more sense as you get older <3
I just want to say this is in no way abnormal and you are not alone. I belive I may be the same but opposite genders. I can see myself with a boyfreind but have more than one girl on my mind or break my heart. I wrote this on another post but dont stress about it. Its gonna take time and you should not feel you have to rush it. You have already idenitfied you are interested in girls and have actually told other people. Thats a big step in itself and more than i could ever do. Just recognize these feelings reflect on them and let life run its course. You'll still be you no matter what you identify with in the long run and in the end you'll find that special someone.
