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That could have gone better :(

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by confusedguy, Aug 12, 2011.

  1. confusedguy

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    So I just came out to my first guy friend...and it pretty much went horribly. :bang: He says he is okay with it and he is open minded but at the same time he keeps telling me how upset he is about this. I feel like he thinks I killed myself and put a gay me back. I feel so horrible right now.:tears: WE have been great friends for so long and now? IDK. I just want to crawl under a rock, hide and never come back out now.
    :tears::bang::tears:

    Im sorry, this is more of a rant. I don't no where to go from here.
     
  2. FloatingPiano

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    First of all, Congrats on coming out to your friend! Secondly, I'm sorry it didn't go all that well. :/

    What I think you need to do is let your friend have some time to think about what he just heard. Give him a little space. He's probably a bit shocked by the whole situation.

    Once you've done that, I would just have a talk with him. Explain to him that you are the same person that you were when you first met. Nothing about you have really changed. Yes, he now know that you are gay, but, what he needs to understand that he was hanging out with the "gay you" this whole entire time and didn't have a problem. He just didn't.

    I'm probably not that helpful in this situation, considering I'm only out to a few people. but I hope this can help in some way.
     
  3. addie88

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    dude. i am so sorry. cyber high five for coming out but i know this must be hard. like floating piano said, it's more than likely that he's just surprised...i bet he'll come around soon. he'll realize that this is nothing to lose a good friend over. let things blow over, see how things are later...time helps.
     
  4. s5m1

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    I am sorry his reaction was not exactly what you had hoped. Remember, you have had years to get used to being gay. He has had a very short time. He also may not really know much about gay people. Give him time. Tell him you are happy to talk about it with him and answer any questions he may have. It sounds like he just needs to process this a little more and will be fine.

    Also, please remember that how others react when we come out is not a reflection on your self-worth. You are still the same person as before you came out. If someone makes the unfortunate decision to reject us because we are gay, it is only a statement about their intolerance and ignorance, not about you as a person.
     
  5. Eleanor Rigby

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    I am sorry things didn't go so well with your friend (*hug*). I understand you're feeling very hurt right now, but at least, there are a few things that seem to be positive in what he had been telling you. He told you that he is ok and open-minded about your homosexuality, which given his reaction probably means that he is trying to be ok and open-minded. That's not exactly the supportive reaction you were hoping for, but that is already something. People who are trying to be Ok when one of their loved ones come out to them often turn out being completely ok with it in the end.
    The best thing you can do for now is staying the exact same person you always were.
    Keep the communication open with your friend, let him know he can ask whatever questions he may have.
    You can also point him out to a PFLAG chapter if he needs help for processing this, or give him Pflag literature to read.
    Here are links to two booklets you may find helpful :
    http://community.pflag.org/document.doc?id=495

    http://community.pflag.org/document.doc?id=494

    Last but not least, allow him some time to come around with it.

    Take care and let us know how things go.
    (*hug*) Cécile
     
  6. Lexington

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    You've presumably had several years to come to grips with your sexuality.
    He had a couple minutes.

    Remember all those thoughts you had when you first got that inkling you might be gay? "Oh God, this can't be happening, what does this mean, how will this change anything, am I sure?" Yeah, he's going through that part now. It happens. Just let him know you're still the same guy you were before, you'll answer any questions he has, and you'll give him time and space to process it all. Then...do it. :slight_smile:

    Lex