Hey EC! Well, it feels extremely awkward trying to post about this stuff, even on a fairly safe forum But, hey, here goes: As my profile suggests, I'm currently "questioning". It's not entirely true; I'm really fluctuating quite annoyingly across the poles of the bisexual Kinsey scale, and I'm nearly sure that's what I'd label myself as, if needed. Unfortunately, I get spates of asexuality, where I don't feel attracted to anyone, even attractive guys or girls that might have turned my head (or, rather, glanced at with my peripheral vision sneaky-like :lol I've got one friend that I'm getting closer to (the only one in my friendship group I've told her about my questioning), and she and I have been gossiping about the cute guys at Tafe. Most of the guys she thought were hot - tradies most of them, muscly and masculine, etc - I didn't really find attractive outside of the intellectual acknowledgement of their looks. Maybe they're not my type, but it just feels a bit fake thinking I'm bi, and not getting that 'thrill' of observation. Anyway, it's only in the last few weeks that I've actually been trying to come to terms with my sexuality (or at least trying to understand it!) - and coupled with many other life stresses, it's been really :***: my mind up. I was exposed to sexuality at a very young age - when just a small kid (about six or seven), a playmate of mine played a game of 'mothers and fathers' with me. It could have been simple child experimentation with it, but some of the 'games' were rather outside of the imagination of a kid of that age. Several other incidents (nothing abusive) have occurred over my life that have served to create a rather strong, but strangely repressed sex drive in me. That, coupled with a lot of self-esteem issues and a nearly patented different way of looking at reality, has made me really wonder if my fluctuation sexuality is genuine, or merely just wishful thinking or sorts. I've got a few crushes, but sometimes they seem a little put-on, too Any advice (aside from a lobotomy :lol: )?
coming to an understanding of your own sexuality is never really a short road, it takes a lot of time and patience, and sometimes some exploration to really narrow things down, you might want to try watching different kinds of porn, since that usually gives you a pretty good idea. no matter what, just be patient with yourself
Thanks, Toneth. Sorry for the verbal vomitus up there - needed to just get it off my chest, as it were.
Hi there, and welcome to EC, its always nice to see someone new. Please remember that we are always here to support and guide you, threw whatever struggles you may face. It sounds like as you have mentioned that you are a victim of sexual abuse. Even though it stems from an early stage of life, it sounds like it has really effected the way you have developed a sense of your sexuality. Understand that sexual abuse does not effect our sexuality, but rather it can keep us guessing about "what we really are" I would advise you to speak to Chip, who is a EC adviser specializing with sexual abuse, and he can really point you in the right direction. I think once you have figured out your sexual self more, then you will find much more arousal in one sex or the other, and you will find relief from the confusion that you are suffering. I hope the best for you, and I think that its going to be a struggle for you, but you allot of potential to be happy and healthy. Best of wishes,
Toneth is right, finding out your sexual orientation can take a long time. your environment can also influence how long time it takes. For example, if you come from a conservative community it will take longer than those that are not from a conservative community. Like me for example, since the age that I knew I was "different" (around the age of 10 or 12) till i fully accepted who I am (which was 29) was about 17-19 years. during this time i hovered around being gay, bi or even asexual. just when I thought I was the one, something happens and it goes all different. My family personally were kind of conservative, but my folks were great friends with people that were gay or lesbian. This coupled with the fact that my home town is very conservative and small so rumours tend to spread like a wild fire. so don't be too hasty, take your time.
I'm a little lucky; I don't live in so bad an area for coming out. Though, apart from gay nightclubs, I have no idea if/where any GBLT groups meet near me. However, my living conditions at either of my parents' places (I live at home generally if I'm studying) are quite oppressive - coming out then would be insane lol I've always felt a bit different, but not in any strong sense of gender roles - I tend to blur the line a bit between masculinity and femininity, and especially so if a humourous situation would result :lol: As for hovering back and forth between the two poles of sexuality... I can't imagine 17-19 years, Thylvin! It's only been a few weeks since I've started questioning (or at least wondering about being bi), and it's pure madness for me alrady! :bang: Trying to work out all the nuances of my sexuality - to whom and why am I attracted at the moment, how do I feel about them romantically/etc... I feel like running off into the bush to live the life of an asexual crazy hermit :roflmao:
