I'm worried about my mother being very carefree about things going to her life. She wasn't like this until we came to the place where my father grew to settle down. First thing: She's like always ready to spend great amounts of money just for what we like and my relatives on my Pa's side here, saying "It's okay if I spend this much money, at least they can't say I'm being stingy and that I didn't raise you well." When we give to our relatives, they help us. But when we don't, they say bad things about us. And when this happens, my mother is always their target. I think she's pitting herself to a trap just to avoid another. She's giving everything she can so she could avoid others' bad impressions. But when we're out of something to give, she'll end up being hurt by others. I feel sorry for her... Second thing: She's giving way too freedom to us. I mean, she lets my own little sister (12-yr.-old) to speak to me like she's the boss of a company and even lets her speak bad words. It's okay for me to be treated like that but I don't think it's okay to just let her own daughter to be like that, even in front of a huge crowd and in front of our baby sister (8-mo.-old). What if my baby sis grew up idolizing her sister? Wouldn't that be bad? Third: She's being full of herself that she just won't listen to others for advice. I'm quite known in the family to argue with her most of the time to remind her of what she's doing but she often disagree with me, leading to a bigger fight. I'm just worried about her so I want to tell her things, but she just won't listen like a child. She wants things her way and she wants to be the one always on the lead. How could she ever learn of what is even happening to her children right now if she doesn't even care? ... Sorry if I spoke too much... I just want to tell someone about my situation in the family. I'm the eldest son, that turned out to be bi so it would be a turndown if they knew. Someday, I have to raise my 2 sisters 'til they graduate. And I also have to propagate our surname which seems impossible at the moment. I'm just a lonely teenager right now, but what could I do if even from my mother, I can't straight my life out? Sorry again if this brings bad vibes. But if you have anything to say, I'm always open to listen.
Heeder13, first of all this is a place where you can vent your frustrations, anger and ask for help. Don't ever feel bad or say sorry because of it. This is the whole idea behind this wonderful community. As for your mom, well it is a difficult problem, especially if she doesn't want to listen to advice. The first part, well i think she is afraid she might be looked down upon by the family, that she needs to proof to others that your father did make the right choice in marrying her. It might be that before they were married the family gave her much grief, problems and rumours, saying stuff like she will not appreciate your father, or that she might not be the right choice for him. I know when my mother and father dated, my mother's parents did everything to stop it, stuff like setting the dogs on him, sending out her own sister naked into the room just to see what is his reaction. There are many scary stories my mom and dad told me. This is also one of the reasons why we moved to a different country in the first place, to get away from all the bad things the family said about my father and stuff they tried to do to drive them apart even after they were married. Have you spoken to your father about it? This might cause big problems in their relationship later if it is not solved now. I would even go as far as to say that it would be best for all of you to move to a different town or even county. The second part, well if your mom does that, then i would suggest that it is up to you to put up boundaries for your sisters. It might be that someone in the family doesn't care about their children or don't believe in boundaries, that your mom think it better this way, or she also might be looked down upon by the family. boundaries is a very good thing and if they are not learned to live in those boundaries, people might have a difficult time to keep in a company's rules and regulations. It can go worse that that in breaking the law and ending up in prison just because the person haven't grown up with boundaries. i would also suggest to bring it up with your dad, and if that does not work, use the family's influence on her (this is a very bad thing to do, but desperate times calls for desperate measures) As for the third part, well that is even more of a problem. I would suggest you try to avoid the issues if she doesn't want to listen or speak to your dad. This can my a psychological problem but I am not an expert so i won't say too much on that, not knowing you mother. Since she is your mother and doesn't want to listen then it is bad. All I can do in situations like this is to let the person "fall" and then just be there to help pickup the pieces. They say you can bring a horse to the water, but you can't make it drink water. I hope that this helps in some way... otherwise see what advice the others give you Good luck
