So, normally I wouldn't tell this whole story to anyone but, seeing as this is a safe place, I think I will. I am a transgender ftm, my whole family knows but hasn't disowned me (if they even acknowlege it is another story) and I am fortunate enough to have a girlfriend even. We have been dating for over a year and a half but I've known her for over 2 years. We talk almost constantly via text every day and, because we are unhealthy people, are each others main friends. Well, now that she's left on vacation out of the country I am flabbergasted on how much I really miss her. It feels like she's gone from my life. On the first day I slept until 2pm until she got off of her transfer flight where I was overjoyed that I got to talk to her for over an hour. After that I ended up crying several times and managed to fall asleep before she emailed my phone at 3AM (10 am her time). During the course of the first day all I ate was a cinnamon roll, a bagel and... ice cream. Honestly, I have had a history of depression and, even though I am on antidepressants, I have had thoughts of suicide cross my mind. The only reason why I haven't attempted it is that I know it would devastate my gf and hurt her even more than I hurt now. On the other hand, I've also wondered if I hurt myself enough if she will come back and then I'll get to see her again but the same consequences apply so that's also a no-go. And that's all on the first day... Every time I get to talk to her (either in the very early morning or mid-afternoon) when one of us has to go I feel like I'm loosing her again and again. Plus, with the very depressed devil on my shoulder I think things like, "If she really loved you she wouldn't have left," when I know it was out of her control. Going to see any professionals are not really an option seeing as I have no insurance and the bills are building up for just basics. What I'm looking for is advice or even just suggestions on how to deal with this. :help:
I 100% know exactly how this is. I recently moved to another country. I'm something like 12 1/2 hours ahead of where my boyfriend is. The first month I lived here pretty much consisted of sleeping, crying, taking my medication, working, crying and eating when the roommate made me. Depression is not a fun thing. Depression when you're missing the person you love, even less fun. Here are a few things I've come up with for myself that I hope will help. (since she's gone for vacation I'll only mention the short term stuffs) 1- Get out of the house. Go on a walk or a drive, just get out. It's amazing what good some fresh air will do 2- Read a book or play a game (video games especially). Let yourself get lost in the story. 3-Exercise! Okay, I know, EVERYONE and their mother says this. But it really does help. It keeps your mind busy since it's concentrated on what you're doing. Even if it's as simple as doing pushups. 4-Start a project. This could be a lot of things, draw a picture, write a story, put together a puzzle, or maybe even put something together for your girlfriend. (I do this one often, I'm putting together a journal filled with letters, poetry, drawings and stories for the boyfriend) 5- Put on some music and dance around or sing along. This one is pretty self explanatory. Put on whatever you want, sad music or happy or anything in between. If you don't have much privacy, put on some headphones and just tune everything out for a bit. Try to listen to different parts of the song you don't usually listen to, like the base line or maybe a back up singer. I can keep on going on and on with ideas. I do a lot to keep the depression away. I know it's hard to be without the person you love, even if it's for a short while. Sometimes our brains like to play little evil tricks with us and say things we don't want/need to hear like what you were saying. We just have to fight it and do the best we can. I'll leave you with one last bit of advice. Take time to cry and be sad, but set a limit. I know, that sounds dumb because you can't set a limit to how depressed you feel. It's something my old therapist advised me to do. Sit down, lay down and let yourself be depressed for a bit. Cry if you want to. But tell yourself, "in one hour (or two) I'm going to get up and do something with myself". It's hard to do because depression will keep you down, making yourself get back up though is part of taking back control of your life. I hope I was able to help at all. And if you want to talk or anything feel free to message me.
My bf is on holiday in another country. Ok it's long distance anyway but communication is few and far between currently. I miss him so much every day. Distance doesent the heart grow fonder as it makes you realise and appreciate how much they truly mean to you. Which also means you don't know what you've got till it's gone is true lol (*hug*)
My boy friend and I have been in a situation this summer where we haven't gotten to see each other very often or have much communication. Video games, books, and stuff like that are something that really help me.
The above responses have the right idea. Her leaving has left a void in your life. That void needs to be filled. You've tried filling it with food. Now trying filling it with activity. Make a list of all those damn things you've been putting off doing, and start doing them. Get out there and meet new people. Add more hours at work. Volunteer. Whatever fills the void. Lex
Well, seeing as I have no job or volunteering... place, I'm kinda sol. Been reading a lot and trying to keep my mind off of her, I feel bad for making her worry about me though. There is a lot of uncertainty. I was away for about a month and she never even let on that she cried while I was gone. Yeah I missed her but I always kept myself busy without thinking about it. But then, when she left I realized how much she must have missed me and never even told me about it because she didn't want to ruin my time there. Well I asked her about it and had to tell her about how I felt and now I just found out that she hasn't even been relaxing and enjoying herself. The tour guide gave her alcohol so she would finally relax. I feel horrible. I believe that if you have a problem in a relationship usually the best thing is to talk about it. But, did I do the wrong thing in telling her? Did I just prove that she was stronger than me by caring if I enjoyed myself over how she felt when I couldn't do the same? If she's stronger than me does that mean I suck at being a guy? Should I even continue trying?
