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Need a Small Bit of Advice for Myself...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Gerry, Aug 15, 2011.

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  1. Gerry

    Gerry
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    Hey guys -- I don't normally ask for much advice but there's something that's been on my mind lately and I haven't really done anything about it.

    Yesterday I went outside to get the mail and saw a guy walking his dog -- I live on a very small street but apparently he lives in one of the houses that I didn't know the neighbors of -- and we got to talking. He was a high school senior and graduated in June and will be starting college later this month. The thing is, is I was his substitute teacher quite a few times last school year. I know for a fact that he is 18 and that he has graduated high school but would it still be really weird to maybe hang out with him and see if anything comes of it? As a very young teacher in the classroom I have been approached several times by students but have let them all down very graciously as that is totally illegal. (I'm surprised students would have the courage to tell a substitute they think they're attractive!). But I know he does find me attractive as he kept complimenting me and basically my "gaydar" was going off too.

    So my dilemma is -- should I keep talking with him and maybe see what happens? It is now totally acceptable since he is 18 and no longer a high school student. Or would it be too weird? I have very mixed feelings about this and am unsure what to do. Any and all advice is appreciated.

    Thanks! :help:
     
    #1 Gerry, Aug 15, 2011
  2. Dare2bProud

    Dare2bProud
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    Go with your gut feeling. If he is no longer a student of yours, on a professional level you aren't breaking any rules. On a personal level, I know it's hard to separate and the "what if" he still have friends in my classes and tells them or what others think. Just remember your 23 and he's 18 ... there is also a huge mentality gap.
     
    #2 Dare2bProud, Aug 15, 2011
  3. Gerry

    Gerry
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    I know it's not breaking any rules and it's totally legal to do so, but it's also kind of ... worrying thinking that other people could find out like you said. If he still has friends in high school. And yes, there is a huge mentality gap. But since I substitute mostly high school I do see a huge difference in the mentality of the freshmen vs seniors. But, I am way above the seniors too ... Thanks. I guess it's something I need to contemplate.
     
    #3 Gerry, Aug 15, 2011
  4. Leif

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    It can be awkward for both you and his high school age friends, true. But it really does depend on his maturity level. I've known high school kids that have the mindset of a twenty something and others that are Well out of high school that still have the same mentality they've had since they were fourteen. If he does seem mature enough, maybe give it a chance. In college I dated one of my professors (after I had taken his course) he was a great person and handful of years older then me and I am very glad he gave me a chance.
     
    #4 Leif, Aug 15, 2011
  5. Chip

    Chip
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    I find that in these sorts of situations, one of the best things to look at is what an attorney friend of mine referred to as the "smell test." If something is legal, but doesn't pass the smell test, then it's probably going to cause you problems.

    The basic idea being, if everyone in your town and school knew, what would the response be? If people would find it distasteful, or legal-but-ill-advised, then it basically fails the smell test and you probably shouldn't do it.

    Particularly as an educator (and one who presumably is just developing his career) I would advise holding yourself to a higher standard, both because parents are entrusting their children to you, and because if there's the slightest scent of controversy, you can bet that your school board is going to cut you loose and run.
     
    #5 Chip, Aug 15, 2011
  6. thylvin

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    I agree with Chip, if you really like this guy, let him go to college or university for a year or so. Then it might be a bit more acceptable not only in your community but also with the school board.

    In high school we had an accounting teacher (OK i never had accounting, but i know of him and he used to give PE classes aswell... personaly i think the guy is an ass) he dated one of the matriculates while she was still in school. The parents all talked about it and went to the school board. This caused him to be suspended for the remainder of the term. Afterwards, when the girl he dated finished school he continued to date her. I'm not exactly sure on the particulars, but he was constantly looked upon.

    in the end though he ended up marrying her and today they have a happy family of two kids. but still the rumours take time to die, so if i were i'd be careful
     
    #6 thylvin, Aug 15, 2011
  7. Gerry

    Gerry
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    Thanks for the advice guys. At this point I think it might be best just to let things be and not get involved in any sort of relationship with him. Not only would the maturity level be presumably different, but I don't want to have to deal with all these problems just for the chance that something might work out. It's so not worth it. Plus, there are always guys closer to my age that wouldn't be problems. Again, thanks for the advice. I was leaning a bit towards no anyways, but I guess I just wanted to hear a few opinions. :slight_smile:
     
    #7 Gerry, Aug 15, 2011
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